Complicated Bereavement Disorder / Is There a Way Out ?

Hi Guy`s

Before I tell part of my story , please be so kind as to reference this link for more info , if you wish to. Thanks , link :

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...ent-disorder-0

It may seem simple , a parent gets sick and passes. The person grieves and moves on. What is that person is so wrapped up in staying alive there is no time to grieve .

That person is me. I have not cried since the 1980s`

I lost my mom in 2005 , on June 6th , then my dad in 2015 on June 15th. I was a caregiver , a companion , and hopefully I was a friend .

Now I am just me , only me. I have my music , but not enough to make a living , I enjoy writing but again , not enough to make a living.

Or can I make a living at both ? My self confidence is so low , I find it hard to like myself. I enjoy helping others because when I do I feel like I am at that moment helping myself.

How can anyone who has lost so much and seen the horrors of life that I have ever be whole again ?

I am getting help , after watching Kati Morton`s videos I decided I could no longer go on the way I was and if I did not seek help , then it would only be a matter of time before my health would be in danger.

If anyone has any ideas other than the usual course of help such as Mindfulness / CBT / DBT / Exposure Therapy , etc. I would be grateful.

My therapist and I agree I need to move on , so other issues in my life can be addressed.

I need to get past this so I can live , my T has started a new type of visualization & relaxation therapy , and the first part seemed to show progress.

I believe it will help , however my lack of self confidence and being the eternal pessimist , is telling me of course it won`t work , even though I choose to think otherwise.

That my friends is the great burden of having little to no self confidence , you can never truly believe in anything , but here I am , writing this / asking for help and advice.

What little self confidence I have left is telling me you guys are going to step up once again and help me , and for that , I thank you .

Take care

Keyplayer 

I lost my parents in 1999 and 2008. I'm still working through the grief. In therapy I cry when I talk about my mom. It still feels raw 10 years later. I don't know that you ever get over it, you just learn to manage the pain. I wish I had some solid advice for you and me both. All I can offer is a hug and some understanding.

Thanks for the link to the Complicated Bereavement Disorder article. I read it with interest. I'm sorry you are struggling. I doubt there is much of anything I could offer you haven't already heard of. But I wanted to let you know I read your post. And I wish you well...

Hi Guy`s ,

Thanks , I appreciate you reading my story. I`ll be the first to admit , it is weird me being scared to cry. I mean if I was one of those testosterone bullies then ya , but I am not , I like the Hallmark Channel for cry`n out load , and with all the tear jerkers , you would think crying would not be an issue.

It`s simple , I saw my big strong dad lose it when after my mom died and I have to be the strong one to help my dad , so I did not have time , then he got sick and passed 10 years latter , this June will be 10 + 3 ,and the last 3 have been so bad , I ended up in therapy .

I don`t want to break apart , that is what I told my T , she asked "what would happen if you were not holding on to all that grief " ?

As I was telling her what I think would happen, my heart rate increased / my o2 decreased / numbness in my extremities . I said I would just fall apart , break into a million pieces , that is when I said , but I can tell you my physiology state right now.

Then she talked me down and I said what am I going to do , I know in order to move on with all the other junk I have to end this , she agreed and said we will just have to go slow so you don`t break apart.

Fine , but I still have concerns , sure I trust my T , it`s me I don`t trust.

I never violent or suicidal , nothing like that , I just don`t want get into such a way that I might have a psychotic break.

Anyway , thanks again , take care

KP 

Hi Keyplayer
Have you ever thought of volunteering? What works for me is doing for others. I get a good amount of oxytocin when I do random acts of kindness, and volunteer work in small doses, (when it feels like a job, it’s too much but an hour or so a week) takes me away from thinking about myself, and shows me good things about myself and others on this planet.
Wish you the best.
Sans

Hi sans ,

Yes , I am planing on being a " listener" on 7 Cups , but if I need to learn more so I can pass there test. Thanks for your encouragement , I truly appreciate it.

That is what I truly love about PC , you can get help , but also give back , sometime even giving a little makes you feel a whole lot better !!

Take care

Keyplayer 

I completely understand how you feel. I been there myself. I suffered from complicated grief since I was nine year old and still continued to suffer.