[elflauta]

Hi everyone, Well I want to confess and see what you guys think. I'm 57, male, never married, no children. Was a caregiver for many family members. My greatest loss was my mom who passed in Nov. of 2014. Ever since she passed I have been sleeping with her robe next to my pillow. It just gives me a feeling of safety and closeness to her. Is this healthy? Is it wrong? I have never told anyone. Thanks

[Skeezyks]

Hello elflauta: Well... to respond to your question, I don't see anything wrong or unhealthy with sleeping with your mother's robe next to your pillow. From what you wrote, it sounds as though you were very close to her.

You mentioned you're 57. And so, perhaps, you'll remain alone at this point. Should you happen to meet someone at some point, & develop a romantic relationship, you may need to put the robe away. However unless or until something such as that would occur, I would say just keep doing what you're doing.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

I don't know, of course, if you're here simply seeking advice with regard to this particular concern or if you plan to hang in here with us. However, should you be planning to continue on (we hope you do)... may I suggest you introduce yourself over on PC's New Member Introductions forum? Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

There's a lot of support that can be available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) So please keep posting!

[Teddy Bear]

Welcome to PC. I think sleeping with your dead mother's robe is kinda weird. Did she leave any stuffed animals?

It’s OK. Some people in my grief support group had pillows made from clothes. One was going to make a quilt. It’s quite common.

I slept in my husband’s sweatshirt for a long time. You do whatever you need to for comfort.

[possum220]

Welcome to PC elflauta. Hope you find some help and support here.

No it's not wrong that you find comfort in your mothers robe. It would be a good idea that keytones had in having it made into a pillow or two. That way you hug it and know what it means to you without having to explain it to any-one else.

Many people have stuffed animals for something to hug at night. It does bring the level of anxiety down.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by elflauta

Hi everyone, Well I want to confess and see what you guys think. I'm 57, male, never married, no children. Was a caregiver for many family members. My greatest loss was my mom who passed in Nov. of 2014. Ever since she passed I have been sleeping with her robe next to my pillow. It just gives me a feeling of safety and closeness to her. Is this healthy? Is it wrong? I have never told anyone. Thanks

I think it's fine. Do what ever you need to deal with the loss. You seem to be a level headed man. There's nothing wrong with keeping items of a loved one close to you.

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by elflauta

Hi everyone, Well I want to confess and see what you guys think. I'm 57, male, never married, no children. Was a caregiver for many family members. My greatest loss was my mom who passed in Nov. of 2014. Ever since she passed I have been sleeping with her robe next to my pillow. It just gives me a feeling of safety and closeness to her. Is this healthy? Is it wrong? I have never told anyone. Thanks

From all I've heard in grief group or read, there's no "right" or "wrong" way to deal with loss. And no time frame either, no way you "should" feel or something you "should" do...

If it helps you, it helps. Keep doing it. If I were you, I wouldn't care if anyone knew or not. **** them. They are not in my shoes, so they have no position to judge. Sorry if I sound cynical, but I've been burned by a lot of people whom I thought were "friends".

Not exactly the same, but I miss my best friend who isn't gone per se, but now lives 2 states away. I often hug the stuffed Hello Kitty he gave me. It is like hugging HIM.

No, It's not weird. Is her scent still on it? I have heard of military spouses wearing or sleeping with an article of the their partner while that partner is deployed. I think that it's perfectly fine. It's not illegal.

[bounceback]

No there is nothing wrong with finding comfort in your mom's robe. It isn't weird. A lot of people do this. I lost my mom in 2014 also and never married or had kids and I am 55. While I don't sleep with my moms items I have stuff of hers that brings me comfort.

[elflauta]

Thanks everyone for the kind words and sorry for not responding sooner. I'm trying to hang in there but lately I've been questioning everything I've ever done or said and thinking of all the friends and family that I've lost. Sometimes I think this is my punishment for treating everyone so badly with the years of drinking and by the many suicide attempts that I put the family through. I have been completely sober since 10/2001 and haven't had any attempts to harm myself since 2000. But this loneliness sometimes gets me down to the point that I think it's too hard to continue. I've alienated just about everyone by my attitude and behavior which makes it worse. My parents were both good, happy, loving people that had friends and good jobs. I've been struggling since I was young at trying to fit in. Now I feel that I don't really fit any group and kind of isolate myself most of the time. I'll stop for now as it's getting to the point of rambling. Thanks for reading if you made it through this, lol

[HD7970GHZ]

I am sorry for your loss. Clearly your Mom meant a lot to you.

Everyone copes differently and there is no right or wrong so long as the mechanism of coping does not harm yourself or others.

My way of coping is to age regress using teddy bears, diapers, blankies, bedtime stories, blankie forts and cartoons. I feel ashamed sometimes but it has saved my life and helped me through real tough times.

Be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with what you are doing so long as it helps you. If you feel it isn't healthy for you and is stopping you from grieving the loss, be sure to spend time journalling about it.

Thanks,
Hd7970ghz