5 stages of grief? how long can it be?

so due to recent events i was wondering?
when someone is griefing and go through the stages?
how long can he be at a stage?

weeks? days?months?

is there apoint were is his behavior should raise an alarm?

Also:sorry if this is not the right forum for this.

Hi Starkfull,

Since I am not a doctor, medical professional or grief counselor, I really don't have an answer to your question. I "think" I read somewhere that the various stages of grief are rather elastic and that there is no set time limit to them. But I could be wrong about this so please do not rely on my words.

Do you think it might be helpful to consult a professional for advice? Your health is very, very important and you deserve the best possible advice you could get.

On a personal note, I once experienced a period of intense grief that lasted 13 years and I wish I had sought professional help. Luckily I finally emerged from it whether from luck, the healing power of time or some other causes.

I wish you all the best and I hope you get a lot of responses to your post from people with more knowledge and insight than I have!

Hey first of all im happy to hear u got out of it.

any way, its not me im worried about. a friend just lost someone deer to her,
and im worried about her greatly

There is no time line for grief, nor for any of the stages. And each stage comes and goes in the sense that someone might feel angry for some time, then in denial, then back to anger. Or someone might feel more than one grief stage at one time.

^^^ This.

The Kubler Ross stages are really to be used more just as a very rough, broad kind of outline of what may happen, but you can go through the same stage 5 times before really coming to resolution. Everyone grieves in his or her own unique way. It is going to happen however it happens for this person and that will be completely unique to them.

Hope this helps. Don't get caught caught up in the specific stages. Just support them as best you can.

it takes as long as it takes. no set time frame...different for each person....relationships are unique for everyone so how could you put a set frame on healing? everyone brings their own issues into the game so to speak. some race thru, others..it takes varied amounts. it's over when it's over. don't look for signals, or clues...just be one with yourself, be gentle and let yourself heal. you have had a loss

Grief is individual. Everyone grieves the 5 stages at their own pace. Your friend's grief is not on a schedule, so you can't really track how often she spends in each of the 5 stages b/c there's no time-table.

Grief is not like a cold, which only lasts 7 to 10 days. Grief can last for years. When my father died, I was 21. I'm 49 now. I still go through the 5 stages occasionally 28 years later. Grief never stops. It just ebbs and flows throughout the years.

You shouldn’t expect any kind of time frame.

My own experience with grief is the 5 stages are not experienced in order, but are experienced uniquely each day. One day may be denial and another acceptance or anger. It is different with each person.

The way I coped with grief was to reinvent who I identified with and what I could do at this moment to feel better.

It is almost like I had to find stepping stones to get me across the stream of grief. Exercises, yoga, tai chi, mindfulness all helped. to me grief does not end, but I stop focussing my attention on it and instead focus on what I can experience, the present moment. Of course that sounds simple, but for me it took years and is still not complete, although the sadness comes out less frequently.
@CANDC

hey guys thanks for the help . i was a bit concerened

As others said, there is no timeline for grief. We each grieve at our own pace. The stages have no order either. My brother was killed 50 years ago. There are still days I miss him. My husband was killed 20 years ago. Driving to work this morning something brought it all back and I was close to tears.

My recommendation is to just be there for your friend.

Like others say, there is no time frame. And the 5 stages are not linear, which I think most people believe.... You can go through the stages in any order, during the course of one day or even within one HOUR.

Or someone can say something that brings it all back, or you see something/someone that reminds you of the person or people you lost.

I've lost a lot of people in just a few years, and I still grieve my aunt I lost in 2002. To me, grief doesn't go away or I don't "get over it". It just gets less raw or painful as time goes by. Time is the key...LOTS of it for me. Not months but years and years.

But each person is different too. And some people cry, some don't. I tell myself daily there's no "right" way to feel and it's okay if I don't feel anything at all. And that I'm not crazy.

I'd be there for your friend, but avoid platitudes like "You'll get over this" or "You seem stronger today" or "You're strong and this will make you stronger". Comments like that are minimizing what someone is going through. I think American culture has a denial about death, and people just want one to "get over it".

my friend is not american.
but yeah thanks for the tips.

Liz, I forgot to say before that I didn't know this about your brother! I knew about your husband though...except I didn't know the cause.

Yesterday was esp. bad for me. I just realized I'm the only person I know in real life with no family left. Live alone. Can't have a pet. And I can't just get one cause I have a hard enough time just taking care of myself and all of my needs.

I envy him not being American. Our culture is such a "worker bee" culture, and there is no law requiring employers to give time off for bereavement. If they give it at all, it might just be a couple of days..which isn't enough to fly out of state and back if one has to do that.

And if they do offer it, they limit it to specific relationships. Like maybe parents but not an aunt/uncle. Loss is loss.

And on leave, no paid leave for time off for taking care of a newborn, an ill parent, etc. It's like life doesn't exist outside of your job. Your life IS your job.

Like you, nonightowl, I live alone. I am the last of my family with the death of my sister 10 mos ago whom I lived with and was my best friend. It is very hard dealing with being alone. My sister and I moved from Florida to TN a few years ago and I really do not have any friends here. I am planning on moving back to FL in the fall where I have a few friends left. It is overwhelming all the things I must do alone in order to move. The loneliness and grief is sometimes unbearable.

Yes it is. I was going to go to a grief group again, but I don't have the energy. Or time. I don't feel like filling out forms, doing an "intake" and most of all pay fees. It's hard to find free or very low cost groups, on anything. And even with that, some people pissed me off in these groups.

I might read this book, Finding Meaning, the 6th stage of grief by David Kessler:

https://grief.com/sixth-stage-of-grief/

I keep putting it off, not sure if I'll read it even in summer when a year has passed. Seems "meaning" is another stage not mentioned. It comes after acceptance, not that the process is linear.

Just the thought of having to move is overwhelming for me. I don't like change, and let's face it, a move is a DRASTIC change. I can't afford to live in my place for not much longer. But it does depend on many "if's".

Not only do I have grief, I can't even share it with only surviving family, my estranged brother. And my STUPID parents made HIM the trustee of the family trust. He hasn't spoken a word to me since dad died last summer. So him in charge of the trust is the fox guarding the henhouse.

I don't trust him to do the right thing. He doesn't communicate anything to me, and I had to go through a lot just to get him to send a copy of the damn trust. He sure took his time too.

Now I have to have a lawyer to look after my interests and explain things. And I don't trust lawyers either. Sigh.....I couldn't find a pro-bono or low cost lawyers for estate matters, and I'm worried about bills. I hope this lawyer will take pity on me since I'm on Medicaid and food stamps. I mean why do they have to be so expensive????



It felt good to get that out.