[RozG]

This may seem an insignificant post to everyone else, so apologies if that's the case.

I'm just doing battle with something here. My husband died in July 2005 and I still blame myself a bit for his death. Don't matter why. The point is a huge part of me knows it's stupid, and everybody told me from the start not to go there. But a part of me still feels this way.

How to deal? And is this normal after so long?

[bebop]

I think it really depends on the reason or circumstances of his death. I felt/feel that way too at times about my granddaughters death. she had a genetic disorder and both parents had to be carriers of the gene which means one of their parents had to be a carrier also. still not sure if I am the carrier but I feel the guilt at times nonetheless.
I try to look at it that God wanted her to be with Him and no one goes before it is time.

[RozG]

Thank you bebop

But you certainly shouldn't blame yourself if you believe in God. Things like that are God's decision and in his hands, so your grandaughter is in good hands bebeop

[DocClyde]

(((Kalamity_Jane)))

Kalamity_Jane
My parents died 7 years ago. I still feel quilt. Better than it was. Have tryed very hard to move past it. Every now and then it gets to me. I was POA and health care proxy. I made all the choices. Even thou i followed them to a T. I still felt that quit.
When they first passed"28 days apart" It was very bad. Seek help if you need it. Everyone who has gone threw this feels what you are. you are not alone.
Know it gets better with time...........and sometimes some help.
tc muffy

[bebop]

kalamity I am sure your hubby is also in good hands! thanks hon

[RozG]

Thank you everybody

And Muffy... you obviously loved your parents very much. You should take comfort from knowing they're in the best hands now.

[I_WMD]

Jane ,,,,>>> Sorry to reply in a off way for a min / ...

I read your post and found familiarity in the De Jevu way.

Now if I can remember [ as if it was ] what I said the first time ,,,,, [ no harm meant ].

There is no walking in your shoes and how you felt then , or feel now .<<<.

And in a better place ,,,, Is also a personal walk in your own shoes ,,

Time has a way ,,, as is said ,,, ,,, Of healing things .

The loss attaches to us always .,,,, And where we find memories ,,, are usually of the Fun and Goofy times ,,,, rather than this time you are in . ,,,,, Is ,,, and will be part of the healing in time ,.

Take Care and Time ,,,

[RozG]

Thank you

[wanttoheal]

(((((((((((((Kalamity_Jane)))))))))))))
I'm sorry for your loss. My husband died several years ago. I so understand the guilt. I think it's probably normal to a degree. Intellectually I know my husband's death wasn't my fault, but it still feels like it, even now at times. Those "what if" and "if only" statements can be horrible. It's hard for sure. Time really did help me, even though I was the first to disagree that it would. Hang in there. I hope things get better for you soon.

[RozG]

Thank you, it does help to know other people sometimes feel the same even years after, so it's not just me.