[onlymedid]

I want to warn all that this may trigger if you are sensitive.

Mom has cancer and we have known for a while now that at some point she will lose the battle. Well, she got an infection due to a bacteria and it's called C-Def (or C-Dif?) and she ended up in the hospital on Saturday. The meds didn't work, so they switched to a different med to try to get rid of this infection. She has been non-responsive since about 10pm last night.
The nurses told us today that we need to start thinking about making preparations with mortuary.
She has fluid in her lungs, has a very low blood pressure and her breathing is very slow with lots of time in between breaths.
We had a chaplain come in the room today and the family is all trying to fly up.
I keep thinking I am ready for her to go, but I don't really think I am. This is really hard to deal with.
My step-dad feels completely lost. He is just wandering the hospital, can't eat, can't sleep, can't even come into the room to see mom.
Why does this have to be so dang hard?! There is a big part of me that hopes she passes soon to be out of pain, but there is the selfish part of me that wants mom to be around forever.
Anyways, is it "normal" to feel so lost and like I have to be the strong one for my sisters and step-dad?
Mom's dad just passed in October, so she knows he is waiting for her and her favorite Aunt passed many years ago, but she knows she is waiting too.
I really hope I can get thru this. I guess it's just a waiting game now.

[ECHOES]

((( onlymedid )))

My thoughts are with you and your family.

It's perferctly okay to wish this inevitable process didn't take so and your mom could be free from her pain and sickness. This is such a hard time and I'm sorry your having to go through it.

[sabby]

((((((((((( onlymedid & family )))))))))))))))

I'm so very sorry to hear of your mom's illness. What you are feeling is so completely normal. Of course you don't want your mom to suffer anymore and of course you still want her to be with you, but not ill, you want her healthy. That is not being selfish hon.

I lost my mom 26 years ago, and a day doesn't go by that I wish she was here with me, and then I realize that she is with me...always....in my heart and in my mind and watching over me all the time.

May you find peace and understanding and know that I'm thinking of you and your beloved mother and family during this difficult time.

*Gentle Hugs*
sabby

[DocClyde]

My deepest sympathies and best wishes...

[Perna]

I'm so sorry. It is never easy when a parent dies, even when we're expecting it and it's been a long life, etc. Do what you feel like doing for your stepdad and siblings, etc. but take care of you too please.

{{{onlymedid}}}

[bebop]

it is very normal to feel so lost hon. I am very sorry you are going thru this. my mom passed 14 yrs ago with cancer and I can tell you before she died I prayed that God go ahead and take her then I felt guilty when she went. It does sound like the end is very near and my heart is with you during this rough time in your life. I did not have a good relationship with my mom. if you have anything to say to her say it now even though you think she can't hear you I am sure she probably can. please take care of yourself. you do not have to be the strong one either. been there done that and it stinks. lean on whomever is there for you.

[I_WMD]

>>>. (((((( Onlymedid ))))))) .<<< ,,,,,,,, C - Dif ,,,,,, intestinal infection . Most of the time the meds used for C - Dif take 5 to 7 days to kick in and do there job ,,,,,

The Fluid on the lungs As long as anti - fluid pill ,,[ i.e. lasix ] is being used in combination with the C - Dif meds ,,,

>>>>>>>. Be Hopeful and Hold Family together,,, and Feel the warmth you all share .

[sisamay]

I want you to know that you dont know me and I dont know you, but the one thing I do know about is what you are going through.. I didnt go through it with my mom though, but it was my grandmother. My mom and I dont get along with one another and that is a very long story, but, my grandmother was to me my mother.. She and I spent alot of time together, and when she just simply fell and broke her hip, she went to the hospital never to return home again. I went throught the wanting her to just go so she would be in a better place, but then again not wanting her to go because I knew that I was going to loose my mom, grandmother, and my very best friend.. The day finally came and I can remember it like it was just the other day. My brother came to my house finally after they had done called the family in (hours after they were called in). I thought all the way to that place what I was going to say to her, and what was I going to do.. I got there and I made my mom move so I could sit beside my grandmother and hold her hand and talk to her. I told her that I loved her with all of my heart, and that I knew that the only reason why she was holding on for so very long was because of me. and that I wanted her to just let go.. I told her that it was ok to go that I would be ok.. I kissed her on the cheek as i always have, and 3 minutes later she was gone.. I felt like i had lost my whole world when that woman died, but it has taken my 8 long years to realize that she is still with me and always will be... So my point is I know that it is hard to let go, but always remember that she is with you no matter what...
I will pray for your mom, you. and the rest of your family.

[onlymedid]

Thank you, everyone. I really appreciate all of the wishes, hugs and personal experiences.
I am so tired that I don't even know what to say. I am just so thankful that I have PC to come to and talk about all of this.
I will update you if anything changes.
Thanks friends!!

[bebop]

keep in touch hon when you can. I know during times like this it is very hard to get online. know my prayers are with you and your family.