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  #1  
Old Feb 06, 2008, 09:25 PM
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bebop bebop is offline
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Sudden versus Predictable Loss
Sudden or shocking losses--due to events like crimes, accidents, or suicide--can be traumatic. There is no way to prepare. They can challenge your sense of security and confidence in the predictability of life. You may experience symptoms such as sleep disturbance, nightmares, distressing thoughts, social isolation, or severe anxiety.

Predictable losses--like those due to terminal illness--sometimes allow more time to prepare for the loss. However, they create two layers of grief: the grief related to the anticipation of the loss and the grief related to the final loss.

I myself have experienced both. The pain is just as strong in both I think. I feel the biggest difference is that in predictable we have time to say the things we need to say to the loved one. To me that means so much.
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  #2  
Old Feb 06, 2008, 10:00 PM
I_WMD I_WMD is offline
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,, Yes Bop ,, as you I have been through both ,, Dad was massive heart thing before 60 yrs old . And Then older and younger friends who went slowly from terminal illness ,,, and A few younger friends while I was young commiting suicide . A first cuz who was a sniper in Nam Playing gun tag with his mouth . And Then a ooopss ,, that maimed 1 Friend and killed another while building a errrm little bomb . accident . And The Friends that died doing what they enjoyed by accident ,, Riding a Bike with wind in their hair .

I would have rather had the chance to comfort and care for the slow dying of a peep ,,, than the Be mad and Cuss at the World of unfair place . Sudden vs Predictable
  #3  
Old Feb 06, 2008, 10:09 PM
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bebop bebop is offline
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yes I agree IF we had our choices that would be mine for sure.
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  #4  
Old Feb 07, 2008, 03:46 AM
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ECHOES ECHOES is offline
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Pinksoil recently recommended a book, "Necessary Losses" by Judith Viorst.

I picked up a copy a few weeks ago and now I need it badly.

It's a great book about loss. About mourning. About how life is a series of losses and mourning them. It's an interesting and comfroting book.

Yes either way is hard. Sudden loss is quite a shock to the system and sometimes things seem to be left unresolved. Predictable can be hard too because it can mean a long illness and much stress for the caregivers. And some families that are dysfunctional carry that dysfunction to the end and they don't get to say the things they wish they could because of that.

Loss is very hard no matter how it comes, but I think if feels as if we have some control over it when it's predictable.
  #5  
Old Feb 07, 2008, 07:39 AM
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I agree with you hon. I know I had a really hard time with my mom's death. There was much that I felt needed to be said on both parts but she refused to talk to me about things at all. Alot of unresolved there.
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  #6  
Old Feb 07, 2008, 06:24 PM
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When my father died unexpectely I found comfort in the fact that he did not have a long drawn out illness, he was able to pass literally doing what he loved best.
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  #7  
Old Feb 07, 2008, 06:26 PM
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I agree. sometimes it might be easier that way too. if they go doing what they love doing especially. I think the hardest part is going and the ones left behind are feeling like they should have had the time to say goodbyes or other things they never said.
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Old Feb 07, 2008, 11:28 PM
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I think a lot has to do with where we are in the relationship when someone dies? If my husband were to die suddenly, I'd be devastated but not traumatized because we're "up to date" on our relationship; we don't have any issues pending or buried, etc.

I think when parents die, whether suddenly or over time, if we haven't had a good relationship with them "recently" have issues or secrets or things left unspoken, that can be a problem? I guess I equate it to having a good, thought out, worked on therapy termination versus a sudden quitting.
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  #9  
Old Feb 08, 2008, 09:15 AM
Anonymous091825
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Perna I agree
Have lost due to both
But having un said things can be so hard
oh crap
LOL
sometimes its like its stuck in me and can not find the words
let alone spell them....yes,, I know google....

did my parents date, brother inlaws, now my grandparents"both of them are on the 14th"
too many in one month time span
the sheep is stressed i think
sorry if i upset anyone
This year for what ever reason seems harder
I got off track on topic I am sorry
  #10  
Old Feb 20, 2008, 04:43 AM
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Zorah Zorah is offline
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we got it both ways with the husband Sudden vs Predictable Sudden vs Predictable Sudden vs Predictable Sudden vs Predictable Sudden vs Predictable Sudden vs Predictable Sudden vs Predictable

he was dxed as terminal two years before he died, but then 6 days before he died they said he would have another 1 to 2 years. they were wrong, he dropped dead suddenly in the middle of a sentence.

sorry if this is triggering
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  #11  
Old Feb 20, 2008, 09:03 AM
Anonymous29402
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I lost my dad to terminal illness over a period of eight months, and no matter how many times you say to yourself he is going to die its still a shock when it happens, I have never lost anyone else close to me so this is all I have to go on.

It was the cause or rather the instigator of my first break down and I had to spend a time in hospital to recover.
  #12  
Old Feb 21, 2008, 12:58 PM
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I know what you mean-my boyfriend's death was sudden-a heart attack-and my dad's was predictable - no one told us how much time he had but he went downhill fast.

ocdchick Sudden vs Predictable Sudden vs Predictable Sudden vs Predictable
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