[SW1985]

A few years ago my parents divorced and my mom moved out. My dad was always around but never really paid much attention to us kids so I thought this would be a good chance to get to know him better.

Instead it kind of wound up where he became extremely verbally abusive. I was just entering high school at the time and trying to deal with the stresses and pressures of putting up with it from other kids. I became horribly depressed.

My dad is a lot different now, and I think maybe he's adjusted to the new life and can handle the stress better. Still, I resent him deeply for the way he treated me, and whenever he starts talking, I keep thinking things in my head like "Shut up, I don't want to hear it, I wish you would die."

I want to love my dad but for some reason I can't make it through this little barrier I have. He's obese and it's hurting his self-image, so I feel even worse for him. I keep having dreams that he dies suddenly and without knowing how much I wanted to have a meaningful relationship with him. My brother despises him, one of my two sisters never speaks to him except to borrow money, and the other sister lives far away and doesn't have much chance to speak to him.

A good friend of mine lost his father suddenly, and they were on bad terms when he died. I don't want that to happen, but I don't know what to do. For a while I tried just saying "I love you" but it felt so empty and emotionless. Anybody have any advice?

[Peanut61]

Do you feel like you could discuss with him directly, (at this point in time), about your feelings re: resentment about the abusiveness?

Btw = WELCOME to the board. :-)

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>