Lost: Trying to help a friend who lost his son

Sorry for the long post, but I am desparate for any help:

An old friend that I used to work with lost his 17-yr. old son four months ago in an avalanche. Although i left the company several years ago, and haven't seen him since, we worked together for six years and we were extremely close and loved each other, although we never dated.

When I heard about his son's death I did a sketch portrait of his son as a gift and sent it to him. He sent an email thanking me but I still haven't seen him. I have emailed him several times with hope and encouragement and support. He has responded somewhat by posting poems and songs that relate to my emails and has sent a blessing to me, but he still seems to be keeping me at a distance. I've given him every opportunity to let me know if he doesn't want to hear from me and he seems to still want the support. But, I can't understand why he is having trouble seeing me again when he has tallking to other old friends. Is it possible that because I know his heart so well that he can't emotionally handle seeing me now? I miss him so much and just want to give him a hug. He knows how much I want to see him. I was thinking that maybe his heart is still too full of grief and pain and he hasn't got the energy to deal with the emotions involved with seeing me again.

If anyone can help me try to understand what this man is feeling and offer advice on how best to help him I would appreciate it so very much.

Celeste

((((((((((((((celestial)))))))))))))))

You have reached out in a beautiful way to your friend in his time of grief and loss. Since he lost his son only 4 short months ago, I'm sure he is still reeling and will probably be for some time to come. IMO, the next best thing you can do for your friend is to be patient with him. For him to make any major decisions in his life right now regarding much of anything including relationships might not be a good idea. It's also possible that he is depressed and not thinking and acting in his normal ways.

It's good he has a friend in you to help him through the rough spots. If you continue to be your gentle loving self with him over the next few months, he may open up to you more if he feels the need.

I wish you both well!

Hugsssss
J

maybe call him and ask him out for coffee or lunch. something light.

Thank you both for the wonderful advice and suggestions.

I have suggested that he meet me at the lighthouse park that is a special to both of us from many years ago and I extended an open invitation as I am there every Sunday morning. I made it clear that if he's not ready to see me that I understand. I don't doubt his desire to see me, but I guess he's just not in a place emotionally right now to see me. I think he knows that just a hug from me will cause him to break down and he's probably not ready to bring these feelings out in the open yet. He went through so much trauma when his son died. He didn't see the avalanche that took his son's life. But had to wait hours while they searched for him. I'm sure his feelings about this heartbreaking day is something he can't even verbalize yet. I quess it's best that I just keep supporting him and hopefully my love and concern will open his heart when he's ready.

Thank you again for the advice!
Celeste