*trig* nervous about this....

this is very revealing ive been thinking about posting this for a while but never got the courage to do it, i think its time to get it out there so here i go

Dear Tony

Im sorry, sorry for telling you you were lieing when you so obviously wasn’t, i was hurt, and didn’t want you to die, i wanted to live in a fantasy world where it would all go away and you would still be there a year later talking to me and making me feel like you always did, happy. No one talks to me any more, not Charlie, not Joey, not tiny, but Ash still does, it took her a while to come around but she started talking to me again, i don’t know why i was such a ***** i wouldn’t talk to me again.

I accused you of lieing about the tumor, lieing about the mum leaving, and lieing about the person you are inside, because i refused to believe you loved me like you said you did, because you were dieing and i was going to loose you, and now i have lost you and every thing is so hard without you.

Joey wont talk to me, remember when we were inseparable? No one could pull us apart we were joint at the hip, told every thing to each other, and then Charlie came along, and he kissed me, and asked Charlie out, and that was heart breaking, soon you came into the picture, and i fell for you, and we dated for a while, and every thing was perfect, even if there was drama, and then Charlie and Joey broke up, and Joey stopped talking to me so much because i reminded him of Charlie, and how i missed him, i had you but i missed him, and he was never the man you were tony, not ever, he cheated and lied, and i wish i knew the truth between you and Charlie, i wish i knew wether you really did kiss her, or wether joey was just trying to wind me up like he always did.

Joeys a good person deep, deep down inside, i know he is, he looked after me, you both did when i felt like i didn’t have a family because i couldn’t reach out to them, you were there holding my hand and telling me it would be ok, and i believed you, even if it was wrong.

And i never came to your funeral, im sure you understand why, iwould have been thrown out for sure, your mum must hate me for what i put you through before you died, and Joey and Tiny REALLY hate me, they wont speak a word to me any more, and i cant believe you blocked me, and never called me, i suppose i was no better i blocked and deleted your number to, did you ever think about me? Did i make you sad? I hope not, you don’t deserve to be sad, its me that deserved it.

What about Elli-phant hippo, is she ok? I wish i could steal her and make every thing ok for her, loosing both your parents is a hard thing, she was the one that came out worst after all in this. Ash talks to me now, i don’t even know if you were buried or not, i darnt ask her incase i upset her by brining you up, we both shared similar experiences with you, we were both looked after by you, and loved, and eventually ended up being with you in a romantic sense, me and ash although completely different are alike in that sense, and we share you.
I still listen to our song tony, when im sad, it makes me cry a lot, because i misss you, and i miss the way we used to dance to it, ill never forget that day, you made me more happy than you know back then even if i was lieing to you at the time, telling you i wasn’t with sam any more, because i wanted you to my self and thats the reason you all hate me, i know i wont ever have that again, i don’t expect to ever meet another guy like you, guys are all *** wipes except for you, and im sorry i accused you of being an *** hole to, because i was scared, scared of somthing we all knew was coming, and that was my escape, thats what happens when im scared, i get paranoid, and try and think of how it couldn’t and musnt be true.
I still wonder sometimes if you really are alive out there some where, and that im just hallucinating, i wish for your IM to pop up and you to say haha it was all a joke to get back at you i love you be friends? And then we would go on just like we always had, or maybe a phone call and you would call me even thoughi changed my number, youd find me some how, you would wouldn’t you if you were alive? Would you forgive me?
I love you

Sam x

(((((((((((((((((((Sam)))))))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((alyssa))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
great thread try to keep it up...