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HALLIEBETH87 · May 23, 2008, 01:39 AM

She has fought cancer for most of the year that I have worked for the ICF-MR where I am currently employed. She is mentally retarded. She hates hospitals and doctors....unless they're cute guys. But now she is dying. The cancer is killing her. She is DNR and her family has given her permission to go. They also said no more hospital visits...juts peace for her. But shes not at peace. Shes suffering.
As much as I love her and as close as I have been with her this last year, I am ashamed to say I haven't visited her in over a few weeks. I cannot bear to see her suffering and unable to leave her room. But, now I know I have to. I have to let her know I love her and I am there if she needs an HA to hang out with her and watch a movie. A co-worker and I bought about 4 princess books earlier bc she requested them. I am going to see her tomorrow and will continue to do sp until she passes into peace. I am so saddened and scared. I am trying to be prepared for it. b/c I know it will be very soon, but are we ever ready?

I'm not. Hugs...please???? She

bebop · May 23, 2008, 02:17 AM

hon I am sure they are keeping her as comfortable as possible. are we ever ready? no I don't think so but there does come a time when we just have to let them go. I recently lost and aunt and I was there with her when she passed. I was so ready for her to go because she was suffering so much. yes I miss her but I know she is in a much better place.

gimmeice · May 23, 2008, 06:01 AM

((((((((((((((((((((( HALLIEBETH87 )))))))))))))))))))
She

I don't think that we can ever be prepared for the loss of a loved one.

onlymedid · May 23, 2008, 07:27 AM

I know what you mean about being scared and saddened. Watching my mother pass was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Knowing that she is in a better place helps, but nothing can take away the heartache.

I think you are so brave and caring to help care for her while she is in such a vulnerable state. I don't think it's fair for them to not let her go to the hospital. I couldn't imagine not having had my mom in the hospital as her organs failed one by one. They kept her out of pain with meds as she was passing. My mom had a DNR, too....but not a NOT going to the hospital!

I sure hope you know that you are not alone, you can come here for lots and lots of hugs. Coming here and having support has helped me deal with my mom and I hope it helps with your friend.

She

BJ

Danialla · May 23, 2008, 05:58 PM

Is she being cared for at her parents? Is hospice involved?

Hospice is a God send for most people. They are able to keep the patient as comfortable as any hospital could, without the "hospital" environment.

As far as visiting goes...

I too work in the MR/DD field and have grown close to many, many clients over the years. Watching their pure joy while experiencing something that we would take for granted makes developing that closeness so much easier. I mean, when was the last time you really savored an ice cream cone, or were thrilled with a bowling score of 62???

And over the years I have seen many, many of those special clients, my friends, pass away too. My feeling is, although she may not understand what is happening to her, or why she is in such pain, she does understand and appreciate your love and friendship.

Please visit her as often as possible. It may be some of the hardest things you will ever do.......trust me I have lost many people to cancer...... but in the long run, it will be some of the most rewarding too.

After her death you will know, that just by your simple visits, you truly made her feel loved and special. And you will know that because, you will remember that it was the simple things in her life that gave her some of the greatest joys.

Visit her and be joyful. In the long run, it will be good for both of you.
edited to add: Hugs
(((((((Hallibeth))))))
She

HALLIEBETH87 · May 24, 2008, 12:50 AM

may she go peacefully
and without delay
for i cannot bear
any other way.

we are related
but not by blood kin
i truly love her
she is my friend

my god i cant handle this. i dont want her to suffer anymore. hospice has many there for 6 weeks now. they are easing pain and anxiety the best they can. is it wrong that i hope she goes soon, peacefully? She