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#1
Jun 12, 2008, 12:35 AM
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In just a few more days, the third anniversary of my mother's passing will be here... I'm in so much pain. I want to cry, but can't. It seems like every year that passes, it hurts more and more. I'm always wondering what my mom would be thinking of me and the choices I'm making with my life. She passed away right after I graduated from high school. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye either. She passed away while I was passed out in an Ambien haze.
I'm just in a lot of pain right now, and wanted to reach out to all of you who can understand what I'm going through. I don't know what to do to mark this third year without my mother. She was my only support in my family. The last two anniversaries have been spent... let's say "unhelathily". I want to face this day sober for once, but I know I can't do it alone. Things are so messed up right now.  Thanks for reading, J
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"One by one, as they march, our comrades vanish from our sight, seized by the silent orders of omnipotent death. Very brief is the time in which we can help them, in which their happiness or misery is decided. Be it ours to shed sunshine on their path, to lighten their sorrows by the balm of sympathy, to give them the pure joy of a never-tiring affection, to stregthen failing courage, to instill faith in hours of despair." -Bertrand Russell With love and hope, <~/J\~> |
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#2
Jun 12, 2008, 12:40 AM
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first let me say I am very sorry for your loss. on those anniversaries I find it much easier to deal with if I find something to keep me busy. my daughter always took the day off on her daughters anniversary. finally I told her to work. she did and found it much easier.
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He who angers you controls you! |
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#3
Jun 12, 2008, 01:08 AM
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I can only imagine the pain of losing your mom...my heart goes out to you. Please, stay sober and safe...I'll be around if you need to talk--just PM me.
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You don't have to fly straight...  ...just keep it between the lines!
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#4
Jun 12, 2008, 10:31 AM
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Anniversaries are so hard to deal with. I'm sorry you're missing your mom. It hurts like hell to lose people we love.
Maybe you could plant a flower in her honor or write a message to her on a balloon and release it to the sky. It might help. And please come here if it will help you through the day. 
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#5
Jun 12, 2008, 04:04 PM
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(((((((((((( Der_Sohn_des_Leides)))))))))))))
I am so sorry for your pain. 
__________________
 Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? Thought I was the only one." C.S. Lewis visit my blog at http://gimmeice.psychcentral.net |
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#6
Jun 13, 2008, 02:43 AM
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Thank you all for your support. (((((((((everyone))))))))
These next few days will be tough. I haven't done any hard drugs for eight months now, but I'm still quite a heavy drinker. It will be a tough battle for me to resist those urges. The pain is exacerbated by how much of a love-hate relationship my mother and I had. And so many loose ends still remained when she passed... And I'm not trying to argue with anyone else's spiritual beliefs, but I have no faith in an afterlife. It's so painful to know that I will never, EVER, see my mother again; that all my unanswered questions will forever be unanswered; that all the requests for forgiveness and attempts to forgive will remain unsaid and unheeded for eternity... I haven't even managed over the past three years to visit her grave, save for the day of her funeral. I feel like such a horrible person for that... I don't even know if I'd be able to find her grave on my own... I truly hate myself for that... and that's why I have all these irresistible self-destructive impulses. In the end, I failed her as a son... I can't even tell her I'm sorry, that I love her and miss her dearly; nor can I ask her if she meant all the mean things she's said to me over the years.... I don't deserve to be alive........  In a dark place right now, J
__________________
"One by one, as they march, our comrades vanish from our sight, seized by the silent orders of omnipotent death. Very brief is the time in which we can help them, in which their happiness or misery is decided. Be it ours to shed sunshine on their path, to lighten their sorrows by the balm of sympathy, to give them the pure joy of a never-tiring affection, to stregthen failing courage, to instill faith in hours of despair." -Bertrand Russell With love and hope, <~/J\~> |
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