Anniversary

This week, it's been 25 years since my mother died. I love her. But I need to say that I am sorry she did not create a safer, more open, more forgiving relationship with me when she was living. She was so rigid and so authoritarian, she could be very hard to approach. If she had been different that way -- if she had given me room to be a child, not just a little adult -- perhaps I would have told her about how I was being so horrifically abused when I was only 7 and gotten the help and safety I needed. Instead, I suffered in silence and endured unspeakable horrors from my neighbors, part of me believing the whole time i deserved it for the weaknesses and failures my mother was always sure to attack.

It really didn't have to be that way. She could have been more nurturing and the abuse could have ended sooner. I could have gotten help to heal as a child, not carry it all into a dysfunctional adulthood and nearly lose my life by my own hand.

I miss her, but partly because I want to tell her what she did wrong, give her a chance to make it up to me, and have a chance to heal the relationship that -- for me -- is frozen in time, with deep regret.

thanks for listening,

mtd

you are not alone in your feelings towards your Mom... I too have similiar feelings,, she passed 4 years ago... I keep waiting for the feelings to pass but I know they will be there.....

gentle hugs for you.. on this aniversery date...

(((((((((((((((( mtd )))))))))))))))