[CedarS]

She had attempted suicide on many occasions and she is now dead. I wish she wasn't gone.

I was helping her boyfriend plan missing person flyers, she'd been missing for two full days, and then the coroner came to notify him that his beloved partner had been found dead.

Oh my dear friend. I wish something had worked for you, something to ease your pain, something to help you choose life. I miss you.

I'm stunned, sad, and okay, I have good support.

[RozG]

((((((((CedarS))))))))

i'm truly sorry for your loss.

[sabby]

((((((((((((((( CedarS )))))))))))))))

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I lost a friend last October and her youngest did the same exact thing in the same room last month. Such a horrible and painful loss and so hard to understand.

I'm glad you are ok and that you have good support. Please continue to take good care of YOU! Bless you and her family.


sabby

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Cedar}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I'm so sorry!

[bebop]

((((cedar))))

[CedarS]

Thanks everyone and condolences for all our losses. I wish I could make sense of this but I guess ultimately it is one of life's mysteries.

I dreamt of my friend last night, she and I were shopping at a mall, she asked me to call her boyfriend and set the record straight - tell him that she was shopping. Then she went off ahead of me down an aisle to look for good deals. There were lots of sales but on closer examination I found that what was left wasn't a good deal, I tried on a chain shoulder strap purse and the chain broke. It wasn't a nightmare and I somehow feel now more peaceful.

Didn't sleep well but I'm okay. Her boyfriend said that in some way he felt relieved, he was concerned that that sounded weird but was reassured by everyone present that it made complete sense and wasn't bad at all. At least he knows what happened. They've been together 10 plus years and he's found her near death several times, along with calls from police etc.

I feel for our entire mental health community here in this area, they've been working with her in very close touch for 15 years or so.

[Kiya]

((((((((((((cedar))))))))))))))))) I wish i could imbue more into that "hug" than the simple characters show =( i can't find any words.
kiya

[CedarS]

I will hold the umbrella for you.

[CedarS]

Thank you for holding an umbrella for me. I have tears in my eyes thinking of this, I'll help hold umbrellas too for us all.

This morning I walked through the park my friend and I visited earlier this month.

My friend was horrendously abused as a child and I think in a way she was murdered by her perpetrator, she never fully recovered.

I'm so fortunate that somehow I myself have my soul back from my own horrible childhood, I've survived and am now able to thrive.

But this surely sucks. We knew this was probably coming but there was no way to prepare for it. Her death affects so many people. We didn't do anything wrong and we did the best we could.

[DocClyde]

((((Cedar))))

[CedarS]

Thank you everyone. This is helping me out a lot.

My friend's boyfriend and I were talking and we said to each other that now that we are going through this loss to suicide, our resolve is strengthened to choose life ourselves. And that my dear friend would want us to do so.

She had worked on dying for 10 some years now and she finally did so. We couldn't stop her. We did everything we could.

[CedarS]

Time passes and grieving lightens up some, but all of a sudden I can be hit with a flood of emotions. I guess I need to continue to be gentle with myself.

Being back in therapy helps. Letting myself have all my emotions, including anger, helps.

I choose life. Wish my friend could have chosen life too.

I read the book Why People Die by Suicide and it helped. The author writes about 3 factors that are found in those at risk: feeling like a burden, isolation and lack of connection, and developing the ability to harm oneself.

Fits my friend exactly.

Right now I'm going to get offline and take a walk in the early autumn evening. I choose life.

((( CedarS )))

GRIEF SUCKS.

I'm sorry your heart is hurting.