I feel like I am losing my voice completely

Okay, I don't deny what my doctor and therapists are trying to accomplish. I don't deny that I have been a difficult person to deal with. I don't deny that I have wanted to give in many times.

But the thing is I am still here. I have pushed back and attempting to become well. I have only had my new t for just over a month. What the hell do they want?? I have trust and comfort issues for a reason. I can't just walk into this man's office and tell him everything about me, what goes on in my mind. And I have told him much already. We have only just begun to work with each other. I am doing things that he suggested. Some have worked and some have not.

But now they are taking away what I have left of a voice and I am mad. I can't build total and complete faith in someone that I just meant. Geeeeee, what the hell!! So what I have accomplished is for what? I am so sorry that this has been a slow process, I am not out to win a race here. Sure, the goal in the end is to get well, but it takes time for crying out loud. Control has been a huge part in my life. I have felt like I have been on "puppet strings" all of my life. And I try to cut them but I can't. They won't let me do this: its not enough, its never enough. A bad day yesterday sure turned into a lovely mess. I felt horrible but my spirits were much better this morning. And ya, I am tired, so what!! We all get burnt out. I have felt this way before and got through it. So damn it, let me have a chance.

So I have not been able to put child care into place fast enough. I tried to talk to him about giving the out-patient a chance: but he won't. And I don't think its right for him to offer this then just take it away. Bull crap!! So I don't get a chance at it? I agreed with him, I need more help. But he gives me this then takes it away before we even try it. What the hell is that??

Okay, done my with my little temper tantrum. I am just mad at the simple fact that I am suddenly not allowed to try this out-patient. With no explanation??????

Justy