[NOMOR]

Just a release here, please be tolerant of my rant.

My daughter 21yrs. was married back in March after being with him for 4 yrs. In June, I found him hanging from a tree...... Suicide. Things are so damn confusing and I don't think things are going very well.

My daughter has understandably changed but in awful, awful ways. She has become very manipulative, lies about just about everything and has become totally irresponsible in everything she does. She blames me because I was the last to see him, she blames me because I found him and she blames me because I wouldn't tell her where we were when I found him (The police said not to). She blames me because I advised her not to get married because neither was ready, now she blames me for everything in her life even though she made the choices. Finding a young adult hanging from a tree brings about issues in it's own right, thankfully I had already begun seeing a Doctor to deal with life long issues.

Sorry, anyway, the Holidays. My daughter moved to another state in October (to find herself) but by November she had already moved in with another guy. Thanksgiving was the first EVER Holiday I had been alone, no phone calls, emails, etc. It was rough, I resorted to things I had never done and am not proud to admit. But they got me through and I feel I have no choice but to resort back to what "worked". I don't want to start a habit. How do you deal with ALONE. I have no friends and other than my DR. and the grocery I have no contact with other people.
Thanks for listening.

[bebop]

first let me say I am so sorry for all you are going thru. how horrible it must be to find someone like that. I think your daughter really needs grief counseling. have you thought about voluntering during the holidays to keep you busy instead of bad stuff? soup kitchen type things or maybe even go to a nursing home and sit with some people that may not have a visitor? please try not to do the bad things.

[nowheretorun]

this is a very difficult situation for you to be in and you sound very sensitive, level headed and safe as well to me ... you are healthy to direct your feelings this way, by sharing with others and looking for all means of support for yourself and loved ones... nightmarish realities do occur and inner strength is so very helpful.. we can gather strength and the ability to heal from our caring community members.. we can rely on a spirit of hope if we are able to maintain that within ourselves and in times of faltering will, the assistance of sensitive people will be at your door, i pray to all that is good.. i pray you will have no difficulty finding the expert help you will need on this matter... truly it is a contest of all your inner will and belief now.. you can and with fierce determination, make it through this difficult time... allow yourself to receive the benefit of others kind and caring thoughts for you... together understandings develop. thank you for allowing my reply and i will be praying for everyones health if thats ok

[(JD)]

I think reaching out to others is a good habit to develop. Unless you posted here what you are going through, we wouldn't know. That's the same IRL. Reach out and find or create friends. There's a big difference between being alone, and being lonely. You have reasons for both, but don't need to be forever.

[BalishBun]

I don't know how to say this but, how devastating it must be to find someone who comitted suicide. I cannot even begin to imagine the nightmares and thigs you must go through, and I hope and pray that you have the help that you need to keep your head on your shoulders. I'm sorry your daughter is acting this way, I wonder if its just a funny way of greiving? Not sure.

[NOMOR]

My daughter definately needs grief counseling, the detective even called one to our house they day I found him...... she would say nothing. Since then she insists she is fine. Other family members insisted she move away to start over and forget about him. That is what she chose. Now they constantly comment on her behavior and continue to make excuses for her actions.
As for volunteering, my T suggested this as well. I have a terrible fear of new places and people so I figured it would just make things worse.
Thank you for the suggestions.

Originally Posted by bebop

first let me say I am so sorry for all you are going thru. how horrible it must be to find someone like that. I think your daughter really needs grief counseling. have you thought about voluntering during the holidays to keep you busy instead of bad stuff? soup kitchen type things or maybe even go to a nursing home and sit with some people that may not have a visitor? please try not to do the bad things.

[NOMOR]

I thank you and thank this site, I find many of the posts here enlightening

Originally Posted by nowheretorun

this is a very difficult situation for you to be in and you sound very sensitive, level headed and safe as well to me ... you are healthy to direct your feelings this way, by sharing with others and looking for all means of support for yourself and loved ones... nightmarish realities do occur and inner strength is so very helpful.. we can gather strength and the ability to heal from our caring community members.. we can rely on a spirit of hope if we are able to maintain that within ourselves and in times of faltering will, the assistance of sensitive people will be at your door, i pray to all that is good.. i pray you will have no difficulty finding the expert help you will need on this matter... truly it is a contest of all your inner will and belief now.. you can and with fierce determination, make it through this difficult time... allow yourself to receive the benefit of others kind and caring thoughts for you... together understandings develop. thank you for allowing my reply and i will be praying for everyones health if thats ok

[NOMOR]

I never thought of it being a funny way of grieving, instead I have wondered if she is grieving at all.
I am not debating religion/God but I find many people at Psych Central make these references and I have to wonder why your God won't help me

Originally Posted by BalishBun

I don't know how to say this but, how devastating it must be to find someone who comitted suicide. I cannot even begin to imagine the nightmares and thigs you must go through, and I hope and pray that you have the help that you need to keep your head on your shoulders. I'm sorry your daughter is acting this way, I wonder if its just a funny way of greiving? Not sure.

[Rapunzel]

(((((((( NOMOR )))))))))

Your pain is so thick I can feel it. Your daughter is running away from grief. You are hiding from it. When we need people the most, it is hardest to reach out. The only way out is through. Running away and hiding only gives fear and grief the power, while we remain victims.

I am sorry for your pain and all that you have been through. I'm glad you are reaching out here. There are people who would like to help, and only can when you reach out and let us know that you are there, and hurting, and needing help. God wants to help you too, but you have to let Him in.

TC,
Rap

[NOMOR]

Originally Posted by Rapunzel

(((((((( NOMOR )))))))))

Your pain is so thick I can feel it. Your daughter is running away from grief. You are hiding from it. When we need people the most, it is hardest to reach out. The only way out is through. Running away and hiding only gives fear and grief the power, while we remain victims.

I am sorry for your pain and all that you have been through. I'm glad you are reaching out here. There are people who would like to help, and only can when you reach out and let us know that you are there, and hurting, and needing help. God wants to help you too, but you have to let Him in.

TC,
Rap

Yes Rap, my pain is very thick. My daughter is running and I worry what will become of her, she is only 22. As for hiding, yes I learned this when I was young. If you hide it eventually goes away, well it used to. I am slowly realizing that people do want to help but I am not good at asking for it. I am here and I am ....... well, I am stuck. My T is really great, but 40 years just smacked me in the face. I am afraid I am to much for her.
Thanks for responding to my post