[mixedup_emotions]

My dad was a fun, caring, loving, man....everybody loved him. He would light up every room he walked into.

Two years ago, tomorrow, I received a voicemail at work from my parents neighbor saying something terrible was happening and that I needed to get to my parents house - quick.

I was eating lunch next to my coworker at the time, and I dropped my sandwich - said I had to go - grabbed my purse and RAN for the door. I got in my car and drove frantically down the highway, doing ungodly speeds.....I had no idea what was happening. I called my husband, hysterical, thinking - did something happen to our daughter? Wait, if it was our daughter, then my dad would've called. MY DAD!!! OMG, something happened to my dad!!!

When I got to my parents house, the medics were working on him inside - my mom was outside, and all I kept saying was "OMG, OMG, OMG"......I hugged my mom tight and then listened to a medic tell me that his heart stopped, they were trying to get him back....his pulse would come back faintly, but they would lose him again....I told the medic that they just have to save him, please save him.

You see, that day was Grandparent's Day in my daughter's kindergarten class. My mom and dad met my daughter there, and she was sooo thrilled to have them there. They took care of my daughter every day since she was 6 weeks old, so my parents had a great connection with her. She loves them dearly. Kayla read stories to my dad, drew pictures with my parents, and my dad - of course - had his camera ready to take photos!

About an hour after they returned home from Grandparent's Day, he collapsed at the kitchen table while reaching for a tissue - in front of my mom and my daughter. My mom is deaf, so she tried dialing 911....wasn't sure if it was working, so she had my daughter call 911.

My mom tried turning him over, but he was solid - and turning blue. When the medics got there, one medic took my mom and daughter into a different room....and my daughter said to my mom, "Don't worry, Mom-Mom, you have me now"....

OMG, so heartwrenching....

Anyway, later, the neighbor took my daughter to her house, so that she could be spared what she was already exposed too much to...

The medics were going to take my dad to the nearest hospital and told me that I might not want to look....so my mom and I looked away. I then drove to the hospital....(WHY DIDN'T I GO IN THERE AND TALK TO HIM!!?? MAYBE HE WOULD HAVE COME BACK!)

I felt like it was taking forever...my grandmother showed up, and I was panicking....how on earth was I going to face my daughter and tell her that pop-pop wasn't coming back?.....all these horrible thoughts went through my mind.....They took us to the "quiet room"....THAT was a bad sign....Finally, someone came in and was talking to me about my dad - but had him confused with someone else. I got SO ANGRY because NO ONE told me my dad was DEAD....

When I finally got a chance to see my dad, it was very upsetting to see him laying there - STILL TUBED....I will never, ever forget it.

*** shudder ***

To give you a little insight to my relationship with my husband, when I called my husband to tell him, he said, "Should I leave work?"....WHAT???? I told him that I wasn't in a place right now to know what HE should do....so he ended up WORKING the rest of the day! A couple of close friends of mine showed up at the hospital, as I was sitting on the curb, alone, crying...and called my husband (I didn't know) to tell him that he needed to get there! Too bad he was already too far out of the area.

My daughter cries about her pop-pop often....as do I....I still haven't handled the grief yet. We try to talk about my dad, but it's so hard. My daughter - now almost 8 - says that she doesn't like hearing the word pop-pop and that she doesn't like talking to me about him because I always cry.....Of course, as she's telling me this, I was crying.

I don't know when I'm going to be able to face the fact that he's gone....and go through all the stages of grief to where I can come to accept it. When will I be able to think about my dad and not feel crushed with grief and sadness.....and instead be able to reflect on all the wonderful times we shared, how funny he was, etc.

And my daughter must have some unresolved grief issues as well....we recently went to an emergency management for kids session, and one thing was practicing calling 911....She turned to me and said, "Mom, I already did that in real life"....and she didn't want to do it again.

I don't think she realizes that her pop-pop died on the day of her grandparents visitation.....because she talked about that day a couple of times....the morning....not the aftermath....in a fond way.

Oh, and to date, we have not gotten the pictures developed from the camera he took pictures with at Grandparent's Day....I know we need to do that soon, but I haven't been able to bring myself to do it.

I'm done rambling...for now....Thanks for listening.

(((mixedup_emotions))))) Its so hard to lose a parent , let alone like that. What a shock it must have been. You really did need your husband beside you not only for you but your daughter as well.
It takes time to remember the good things. it will come....remember if you can he is listening and cares. Im sure he loved you too.
There is greif support groups you can go to if you choose
My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your daughter
Muffy

[mixedup_emotions]

I absolutely needed support when my dad passed away....I just don't think my husband's support was what I needed. He's the kind of guy that tells me to stop crying at a funeral. He sometimes wants to be supportive, but only when he chooses to...not when I really need it.

Thank you for your kind words....

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

My daughter cries about her pop-pop often....as do I....I still haven't handled the grief yet. We try to talk about my dad, but it's so hard. My daughter - now almost 8 - says that she doesn't like hearing the word pop-pop and that she doesn't like talking to me about him because I always cry.....Of course, as she's telling me this, I was crying.

((( mixedup_emotions )))

I'm so sorry you lost your dad and have "those" kinds of memories. My husband went through something similar with his father. (His father died of a heart attack while driving. My husband was in the passenger seat.)

The above paragraph about you daughter tugged at my heartstrings. My dad died a month after I turned 10 so I can relate to her grief. I actually stopped talking about my father for the very same reason. Every time I brought him up, my mother would get upset. She didn't always cry but I could tell it was a very uncomfortable subject for her so I shut up.

Has your daughter grieved at all? I learned not to cry in front of my mother because it was too sad for her, so I cried into my pillow every night. I did not know what to do with the pain so after two years of crying I stuffed every memory I had of him way down to the bottom of my feet. I still can't remember him. Death can really mess up kid's heads.

I hope you are able to find some comfort soon. I'm glad you took the time to write out your story. Keep telling it, no matter how many times. It will help you heal.

[mixedup_emotions]

Thanks, OB.....((( HUGS )))

I honestly don't think my daughter has grieved. She seems to have blocked certain things out of her memory or just doesn't talk about it. I hate to feel like I'm being a bad parent, but I can't seem to approach her about it.

There are times when we do talk about my dad, and we say - remember when? - and we smile....but it's tense because she knows that I get so emotional about it.

The school had a counselor talk to her when it first happened, but my life was such a blur that I don't know if that actually happened, what the outcome was, etc. How horrible is that? I should be looking out for my daughter's well being....instead I am too consumed by grief.

My neighbor - a medic - talked to my daughter a couple times about it, but my daughter is very intimidated by my neighbor and her harshness. So, I don't think the talks were very therapeutic.

As I muddle through my issues with my T, I will be sure to raise this, in case he thinks I should make an appt for her as well...

Does she read?

http://www.amazon.com/Sun-Spoon-Kevi.../dp/0688152325

http://www.risingsuncenter.com/memor...ve_forever.htm

Or maybe she's artsy? Maybe you and her could make a "Memory Book" in his honor?

http://www.kidscopewithgrief.com/kit-2.html

When my first brother died my niece was almost four. I watched in amazement as she played with her dolls and worked through her grief. She was "Ariel" and had a conversation with "her father" King Triton where she said good-bye to him because she wouldn't see him anymore.

Kids will work through it. They just might need a little coaxing. Don't be so hard on yourself.

[mixedup_emotions]

Thanks....

Actually, someone did give her a book to help her with the grief. For the life of me, I can't remember what it was or whether or not she has even read it. I guess it's just been such a painful time that I can't even remember....*sigh*

We did throw a one-year memorial luncheon in his honor....and I put together a huge slideshow presentation of pictures of my dad that played on a projector....and the kids (my daughter and her cousins) each drew pictures that reminded them of their pop-pop....I scanned them and included them in the slideshow.

I also handled creating and reading the eulogy and the speech at the one-year anniversary of his death. I can do those things, but yet I can't face the grief, go figure....

I also created a memorial website in memory of my dad....I'd rather not share that here. I guess I have taken some steps, but it hasn't gotten me very far.

Thinking of you and wondering how you are doing on this anniversary day.

My mom passed away 2 months ago tomorrow. I am numb.

[mixedup_emotions]

Thank you for thinking of me!

I am taking it one minute at a time.....

[mixedup_emotions]

OB.....I didn't know where else to post this.....but I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss....It is so new, so raw for you. And I hope that I didn't upset you by posting my experience with the loss of my dad. I hope you are coping well and am here if you need a shoulder....

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

I hope that I didn't upset you by posting my experience with the loss of my dad.

Not at all. I'm glad you're posting about it. Holding it in is not healthy. Trust me on that one.

[mixedup_emotions]

Thank you.....

And I wanted to mention, my daughter came up to me to say, "It's time to celebrate Pop-Pop! It's March 2nd!".....And we sat and visited his website briefly to go through the pictures. We were hanging out with my neighbors at the time, so I was not emotionally focused - deliberately, so I wouldn't cry. We laughed and pointed things out in the pictures.

Not sure whether or not that was good or bad....but we faced it.