[Rose76]

In 2011, I got diagnosed with "pulsatile tinnitus." In a quiet environment, I can hear my heartbeat. I was sent to an audiologist and tested. She told me that my hearing was less than normal, though I did not feel there was any impairment at all. She even said I would benefit from a hearing aid, which I thought was absolutely nuts. I am typically asking people to lower their voices.

Well, last week, I noticed this hum inside my head. I can't say, for sure, when it started. But I started noticing it, especially in bed. My PCP says it's probably related to "sensorineural hearing loss." I feel like my hearing is normal, but I do seem to be "leaning in" and, during phone calls I ask people to repeat things rather often.

I always thought that hearing loss meant you plunged into a world of silence. Well, there's nothing quiet about this new world I've entered, and I'm a bit dismayed. I feel sad that I guess I'll never again know the tranquility of complete stillness. When I was a child, I loved visiting churches when no one was there because, even in a city, they were places of unique stillness. I've cried this past week considering that the experience of genuine quiet is lost to me.

As degenerative physical changes go, this is hardly a tragedy of the first order. I still converse normally and enjoy music and the chirping of birds and the sound of wind. I even completely lose awareness of "the hum" when I'm surrounded by ambient noise/sounds and when my attention is absorbed by things outside of myself. My own voice completely drowns it out. Still, I feel saddened.

What I hear in my head is not horrible to listen to. I've heard and read of folks driven half-crazy by various types of tinnitus. Mine's not that bad. But it's there. Time alone in a still environment will never, ever be the lovely thing it once was for me. I guess the one-note "tone" will always be with me. I'm disappointed. Worse things could happen, but I had no idea to expect this, even though I already had mild tinnitus. What else is likely to happen with my hearing . . . like ten years from now?

If anyone with hearing issues would like to tell me anything, I'm all ears. I'm fearing that life is just not going to be that good anymore. Then . . . it never was for very long.

[Travelinglady]

I'm sorry, Rose76. That sounds quite annoying on top of the hearing loss. I have hearing aids at age 62, but haven't been wearing them. I need to, though. Hearing loss with age runs in my mother's family.

[Skeezyks]

I have Meniere's Disease & tinnitus. It's not terrible. But it's significant... a constant ringing in the ears. It's a long story & I won't go into all of the details. But an ear tube was put into one of my ears several years ago. It made my tinnitus explode! It was like I had a freight train running through my head 24 /7. Fortunately, once the ear tube was removed my tinnitus level returned to its previous manageable level. During the period of time I had the ear tube in, my pdoc put me on Klonopin. That probably saved my life. I was seriously suicidal during that period of time. Over the years, I simply learned to live with the level of tinnitus I have. Like you, I regret I'll never have a truly quiet moment again in my life. But there's no going back. Anyway, I live in a large metropolitan area. There's seldom much of anything resembling real quiet anyway.

[unaluna]

I know youre a nurse, but i would caution you against self diagnosis. It could be something vascular, HBP, a side effect of your meds, or related to your recent stressors. Right - let ME diagnose you!

Eta - hi skeezyks!

[Rose76]

I'm really not much given to self-diagnosing because I know how many options there can be to account for any given symptom. When I first noticed the pulsating whoosh in my left ear, I got fully worked up. That was back in 2011. I had read that this symptom could be the prodromal to a stroke. I actually went to the emergency room. A vascular surgeon was called to consult, and he ordered doppler ultrasound of the blood vessels in my neck, followed by CT scan of my head. I was later seen by an ENT specialist. I was thoroughly tested by an audiologist. I have very good blood pressure. So I suspect it just is what it is.

I may ask to be referred back to the ENT specialist. He held out no hope the last time. He was rather gruff. He basically said it's all what you make of it. He told me I can get very depressed, if I let it get to me. He pretty much said it's all up to me what attitude I want to take. I don't particularly want to get that lecture again. I wasn't even complaining to him. I was just there for information, and he got to moralizing in a condescending way. My condition isn't that distressing. I know it can be an awful cross to bear for those who have a bad case. I hope I don't someday have to find that out first hand.

I just didn't know, back when I could listen to silence, that someday that would be taken from me. I didn't attend rock concerts or blast my stereo. I walked out of movie theaters that had their sound way too loud because hearing is to precious to put at risk. I still seem to hear just fine. It's just that I also have to listen to this other sound - this hum . . . this one-note tone.

A number of things have gone wrong lately. Tonight, I just feel like I'm losing interest in trying to keep up. My boyfriend can't hardly walk or, at times, swallow food. Yet, he sits across from me happy to be watching TV and glad to be alive. He's not disappointed in life. But, then, I spend my days and nights trying to make things as good for him as I can. The TV is turned to the station that he wants to watch. Someday, I'll be able to set the channel according to my viewing preference . . . . . someday . . . . when I'm all alone. That's what I can anticipate - freedom to do whatever I want . . . . when there's no one around to care what I'm doing.

The little losses (like this ear thing) and the bigger anticipated losses . . . . just piling up. I'm saddened . . . . and, now, depressed.

Thank you, Skeezyks, for sharing your experience. People do come through hard things.

[unaluna]

(((Rose))) i know what you mean by silence. We only get it around here on xmas and easter sunday. Otherwise there are always traffic noises.

[Rose76]

Thank you, my friends, for commiserating with me over my mini-heartbreak. It's not the end of the world, but I am robbed forever of experiencing stillness. I'm saddened by that. I didn't know that hearing loss can be part of a syndrome that means life actually gets noisier, instead of quieter. Skeezyks, you have had a worse version of this happen to you. You survived. I will too.

I like to fix things. I can't fix this. I can't get it fixed. I have to accept that this is how it is . . . and that's that. I have difficulty accepting change that I don't like. Life doesn't care. As time goes on, there will be more physical changes that I won't like. I'ld be smart to learn to roll with the changes. Being adaptable is one of the big keys to survival and to maintaining contentment. I do not adapt readily . . . . to any change. Over time, I eventually adapt, but I fight it and resent it and whine about it. I guess it's a form of immaturity.

I would also caution you away from your "can't fix this" I came down with tinnitus and basically did the whole. This is a disaster... for about three months. But then it went away. Then it came back.. I have come to conclude it only happens in the winter and I am not sure why. It seems to possibly be related to weather. My doctors were absolutely useless and seemed to just want me to accept it. Now that it have shared with them that it seems to go away, they don't like that as it doesn't fit with the story. I am plainly on my own.

Another theory I have is that it could be related to dehydration and perhaps that makes my ears dryer and more sensitive. One reason I think that is that it seems to be around in January -March but starts to go away in the warmer / more humid weather of spring, summer and fall

[Rose76]

I think that's great, Emily, that yours goes away at times. I once - in my 20's - had a hearing issue that came and went. Turned out that it was allergies causing swelling within my eustachian canals. I got it in the fall. My doctor figured it out. Taking antihistamine and decongestant medication helped significantly. Even using decongestant nasal spray helped it. Then, a few years ago, I stopped getting it. For some unknown reason, other seasonal allergies (stuffy nose in Springtime) have not bothered me either past few years.

I'm not so hopeful about this "hum" though. Since I noticed it, it hasn't let up for even one hour. My PCP says it most likely is related to aging. I googled it: sensorineural hearing loss. It has to do with degenerative changes in the inner ear, in the cochlea - something about little hairs wearing out. This produces both hearing loss and can be the reason for tinnitus.

I'm really curious to know if all hearing impaired people experience tinnitus.

Since I've been googling the topic I am seeing lots of ads popping up on my screen promising cures for tinnitus. They all look like baloney to me.

A nurse practitioner told me that reducing hypertension with diuretics sometimes gets rid of tinnitus. But my blood pressure is fine. I think it's to do with those inner ear bones.

A lot of what I read says that some of the age-related hearing loss we experience is due to all the noises modern civilization exposes us to. Now I really resent it when a loud commercial comes on the TV. I'm starting to think there should be more laws against noise pollution. I want to protect what hearing I've got left.

[tecomsin]

My first serious bout with tinnitus was 9 years ago when i was put on Seroquel. Whether it was a direct effect of Seroquel I can't say for sure but it started when I was put on it and then eventually dissipated when I finally got off. Sometimes it was so bad that I couldn't fall asleep.

Since then it has come and gone. I've gone for long periods without it bothering me and then get a spell (like right now) when it does. In the meantime I also have U-shaped sensineuronal hearing loss which was probably amplified by chemotherapy I had and also have hearing aids that I don't wear.

That's an interesting idea EFS that it is related to dehydration.

Tinnitus can drive a person out of their mind. It can be a terribly debilitating condition because of its unrelenting persistence. I don't think it is something one can appreciate without having it. I remember some really awful times. Nowadays I just remind myself not to get stressed about it and it will dissipate. It seems to mostly bother me in the afternoons these days.

[Rose76]

mine isn't so extreme. I find I can lose awareness of it by having my attention focused on other things. lying down is when I notice it the most, but i'm not so upset by it as I was.