[Evening]

It's all I've been hearing from most of the people I've told, like my fear of being diagnosed with cancer is a stupid way to feel. I actually had a relative a week ago tell me, cut me off and talk over me to TELL me, 'just be positive, what's the point of focusing on the negative when that might not even happen'. I don't know, maybe because the negative has already happened? Can people not find anything better to say than that I should be positive?

Be positive about what? The fact I'm 29 and got diagnosed with bowel cancer? The fact that in the last 8 weeks I've been in hospital twice, have had 2 colonoscopies, 2 CT scans, gone through surgery, had part of my bowel and small intestine removed, been diagnosed with cancer, have been told I need to go through chemo and haven't worked in 2 months? How about the excruciating stomach pains I've had to the point of nearly fainting that I brought up with them and they obviously have brushed off, that happened again the other night and makes me think there may be more cancer they didn't pick up on? Or perhaps the fact nobody can tell me if I will survive or not? Or perhaps when I went to the oncologist and every other patient there was at least triple my age? Maybe the friends who I haven't seen or barely heard from since this all started is something I should be positive about. Or maybe the fact that I spent years working so hard to buy my home, only find out I have cancer 6 weeks after I finally achieved that.

Someone just point out to me what it is exactly I'm supposed to be positive about. Is being cheerful and happy supposed to miraculously cure me? How uncouth that I should actually be terrified for my life right now. That every pain that I get scares me, that I'm not looking forward to the multiple appointments I'm going to have over the next few years wondering is today the day I find out I'm ****ed.

No I'm not going to BE POSITIVE about it, because I'm SCARED. Instead of telling me how I should feel ask me how I feel.

[Hearty]

I am so sorry that this has happened to you. You have every right to feel what you feel. I truly wish that I could somehow help you. I will say a prayer for you...

[FallDuskTrain]

I am there with you. Please stop talking to those people. Most don’t know how to handle these series level life tragedies. I am really very sorry about your situation and I encourage you to only surround yourself with people who truly have empathy.
With that being said, if I were you I would tell people from the beginning: “please dont tell me how to feel or think.”
I really am very sorry. I have absolutely nothing else to say.

[CepheidVariable]

Originally Posted by Evening

Instead of telling me how I should feel ask me how I feel.

That should be inscribed somewhere.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

It sounds horrible. I'm very sorry.

[dwfieldjr]

I’m very very sorry that this is happening to you I hope and pray that you have a good outcome from all of this. I second what hearty said you have every right to feel afraid. Other people don’t understand what your going through so that’s why they say to you “just be positive”. Are there groups you can join to talk to other people that are in the same boat as you? Maybe you can just listen to them before you tell your story and what’s bothering you. I wish you the best.

[leejosepho]

I am one of those other GI-cancer patients a little more than twice your age, and I would gladly bear your troubles for you if that were possible. I have had only one person presume to assume how I should or should not think or feel or whatever, and I have made it quite clear to him that I will not tolerate any bit of that...and it is disheartening to me that so very few people are both willing and able to talk about any of this even at all.

It disgusts me when terminal patients are encouraged to "keep hoping" for whatever rather than being helped to deal with actual reality, but the fact that my cancer is incurable does not necessarily make me terminal in any immediate sense...and there is where I can find some gratitude for and a bit of endurance "hope" from the services and efforts of compassionate doctors and staff willing and able to stand with me and face all of this squarely.

Also, please take a look here where I have found an e-mail support group for patients with my own specific cancer: Association of Cancer Online Resources

[tecomsin]

I am also a cancer patient, not young like you but also diagnosed way before my time. It is a terrifying nightmare to confront your own mortality when it is so unexpected and especially I would imagine when you have your whole life ahead.

I am so sorry. What you are feeling is normal and natural. And you are so right that no one has any basis to tell you how you should feel. You have every right to feel angry.

I also had surgery and a chemo regimen that was tough... 16 weeks straight without a break. It was exhausting but I got through it. I didn't lose my hair but did lose some hearing and develop neuropathy and some lasting fatigue and brain fog. But I am still alive.

Each time I go in for a scan and here (in Canada) typically have to wait weeks to get the result it does reactivate all the anxiety again. But in time even though I'm a depressed, anxious person with a serious mental disorder with little social support I did find a way to put it out of my mind, even though I was obsessed with cancer and my illness for along time.

I resonate with what leejosepho wrote. Cancer is horrible especially for young people like yourself. I've never resonated with the 'focus on the positive' but have found some peace and acceptance in time.