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#1
Jun 15, 2013, 11:53 PM
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My emotionally abusive mother recently (5-6 weeks) found out about her Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia (CLL). Apparently she's been having problems over the last 15-16 months, which my dad knows about, but they both kept us in the dark about it so we wouldn't be worried. It was at first misdiagnosed as Multiple Sclerosis, which we also did not know about.
In the last nine months, my mother has lost over one hundred pounds, has started getting huge bruises that take up half her face and are gone within twelve hours, and has fainted twice but both times was back up in under a minute. She told us that the behavior that she said might've been mean (total understatement), was because she had 3 inches of pus in her skull. I'm not entirely sure what pus in her skull has to do with CLL, as she explained it to us as a disease in which the red blood (the ones that fight off infection, she said, though she was wrong, because it's the white blood cells that do that) are overwhelmed by the amount of white blood. What I need to know is if pus in the brain is actually a symptom of CLL, if that pus can cause changes in personality, and what a 'poor' prognosis means in terms of CLL. At this point, I'd be especially appreciative to any advice or an actual explanation to what CLL really is. Honestly, I don't believe her CLL has anything to do with her behavior which has been going on for over fifteen years, but I'm starting to worry that she's actually sincere in her apologies, and that she's actually thinking and feeling like a normal mother rather than my mother. It would make protecting myself from her advances very painful, as I know that even if that were the case, I'd never be able to forgive her in the slightest for anything she's done.
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"There's a strange sort of quiet when you're dying. It's as if you're in a glass room, and the walls keep getting thicker and thicker." ~Gabrielle Zevin |
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#2
Jun 17, 2013, 02:59 AM
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Please see the links below as they can explain it better than I can. You are right though in that it it is the white blood cells, in particular lymphocytes, that are overproduced from the bone marrow and is the issue; it is not red blood cells directly, in the blood, causing the problem but it actually can eventually lead to anemic states due to an actual decrease in red blood cells due to problems in the bone marrow not producing red blood cells. The bruising she experiencing is due to decrease in red blood cells and platelet issues, another cell that affects how blood coagulates and clots.
As for the pus: it could be due to infection (increased white blood cells fighting off an infection) as with CLL the immune system is compromised and patients are more prone to infections, or it could be masses/clumping of white blood cells and worn out white blood cells due to over production of them that has caused the accumulation of a pus. This would cause pressure; any pressure or infection on/in the brain can affect mood and personality, treatments such as chemo and radiation can take their toll on our mood and personality, and any changes in our body (blood loss, the cell changes, fatigue, etc) can affect us in innumerable ways. Hopefully she is being treated and perhaps the links below will help in understanding it better, too for support and prognosis. Meanwhile I will include y'all in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there! Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia Treatment (PDQ®) - National Cancer Institute Chronic lymphocytic leukemia - MayoClinic.com Chronic lymphocytic leukemia (CLL): MedlinePlus Medical Encyclopedia Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia (CLL): Risk Factors, Symptoms, Stages, and Treatment
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 I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it. -M.Angelou Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. -Anaïs Nin. It is very rare or almost impossible that an event can be negative from all points of view. -Dalai Lama XIV Last edited by Fresia; Jun 17, 2013 at 03:20 AM. |
 Rainthatfalls
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#3
Jun 17, 2013, 09:21 AM
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What you call pus is a brain abscess. It means germs has come from outside and spread to inside the head. Mostly they come from some kind of infection in the head area. Like an ear infection. When you have any type of leukemia your immune system doesn't work as good with fighting off infection. I assume that is how it could progress into the head.
Something taking up space increases pressure inside the skull. That causes things like headaches and nausea. More severe cases it can cause problems with speech and parts of your body being paralyzed. You can also have mental issues like being confused, slow to respond and irritated. So yea it could have been a symptom. If it really is or if she just uses the fact I don't know. Always good doubting abusers. How bad CLL is depends if there is a positive gene they look for which makes the illness worse than if the gene is absent. As she has lost weight and bruising shows that she needs treatment. I assume they have treated the abscess.
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| Rainthatfalls
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#4
Jun 17, 2013, 03:04 PM
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if she is bruising like this so bad it means her platelets are critically low. any cut she could bleed to death. is she on chemo? she needs to see her dr asap! cll is like any other leukemia. it can be terminal and I would imagine the thought of having something like that would make people irritable is an understatement. Anyone with any type of cancer goes thru this I am sure.
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He who angers you controls you! |
| Rainthatfalls
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#5
Jun 17, 2013, 11:11 PM
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 Though I'm still unsure about what happens after (I'm more of an 'I haven't gone there, I wouldn't know' sorta person), I thank you for your prayers. Maybe she'll be less miserable once she's further away from everything, you know?
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"There's a strange sort of quiet when you're dying. It's as if you're in a glass room, and the walls keep getting thicker and thicker." ~Gabrielle Zevin |
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#6
Jun 17, 2013, 11:34 PM
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Whelp, thanks for the response! I very much appreciate it
__________________
"There's a strange sort of quiet when you're dying. It's as if you're in a glass room, and the walls keep getting thicker and thicker." ~Gabrielle Zevin |
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#7
Jun 17, 2013, 11:46 PM
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I'm sure she's more rattled than usual, having an actual physical diagnosis that suddenly limits her options by a whole lot, but she won't have any problems making sure we know just how much she's suffering. Thanks for the response though, and I do very much appreciate your concern
__________________
"There's a strange sort of quiet when you're dying. It's as if you're in a glass room, and the walls keep getting thicker and thicker." ~Gabrielle Zevin |
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#8
Jun 18, 2013, 10:14 AM
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not to sound rude here but she is dying with cancer. I know if it were me and I was leaving behind my children I would probably be the same way. She wants quality time with you kids. These are her last days. Maybe be more patient with her and give her the love and understanding she needs. I feel terrible for her. Have you thought about how you are going to feel with her gone? I had a mother that was abusive physically and emotionally and she got cancer and died. I thought it would be a relief but even 20 yrs later I miss her. Remember this is not about you. This is about her and time to spend that quality time with her. Of course she is going to be clingy. She loves you.
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He who angers you controls you! |
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#9
Jun 18, 2013, 03:38 PM
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I will not say anything about your interaction because I have no idea what has gone on between you.
But it was me I would be angry with her rejecting treatment. I have a stepmom who has another illness, and she plain refuses to do what could make her better. She is selfish and doesn't care she will leave my dad to be a very lonely man.
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#10
Jun 19, 2013, 09:59 PM
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Sorry, that was rude, but it was the only way I could think to explain it. I have thought about how I would feel if my mother were gone before, when my dad and sister told me my "fantasy" of cutting all contact with her when I turned eighteen was a stupid and selfish one. Like you said, they told me that I would miss her once she was gone. The fact is, I gain absolutely nothing from interacting with my mother. I feel like I'm only half there whenever my sister and I have to go visit her, and I'm always drained once I get back home. Not only that, my older sister has resorted to self-harm in order to cope with everything going on, causing a whole new slew of problems with our dad. So, no, I cannot imagine missing my mother in the slightest. If the only reason to pretend to show her love and support is to ease my conscience once she's gone, I shouldn't be doing it in the first place. She knows, this far in, that any love and support I show isn't real. She won't accept it. It would be more selfish than selfless at this point. I try not to think about my mother, but I do. My mother demands the attention of everyone around her, and I have never given her the benefit of seeing mine. Saying to me that this time is her time to spend with us, that this time is all about her, will not sway me in the slightest. We were told by the judge we had to spend time with her, because it was her time with us, when they settled the visiting times that weren't even supposed to exist. None of the time is quality. I've never felt loved by her, even though she tells me every time we visit. It's desensitized me, hearing it so much from her. If someone else says it to me, like another family member, it never feels real, because it sounds exactly the same as my mother. I always doubt it when someone cries in front of me. My first instinct is to believe that they're trying to use me to get what they want. I feel like a complete fraud whenever I cry and someone can see me, just because I can't remember the difference between if I'm doing it because I'm hurting or for attention. I'm sorry, that was much longer and drawn out than it really needed to be, and I don't want you to feel as though I targeted you personally. This is just how I feel. I'm sorry you feel terrible for my mother, and you probably think I'm selfish for saying all this and wish I would help her as she rapidly degenerates, but I just can't.
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"There's a strange sort of quiet when you're dying. It's as if you're in a glass room, and the walls keep getting thicker and thicker." ~Gabrielle Zevin |
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#11
Jun 19, 2013, 10:18 PM
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It's gotta be hard as hell to love someone and watch them whittle away by their own choosing. My dad's already told me that he's been lonely, because the divorce and everything, as well as him losing basically all his friends in the process. It really sucks being with a lonely dad, in my experience. When he's in a bad mood, he tends to complain openly in front of us. Doesn't matter if it's about expenses, how much his life sucks, how ungrateful we are... he makes sure we know all his misery. It really hurts because we're closer to him, we love him, and we care about his opinion. We can tell when he's in these moods, and it's hard to keep it from spreading. When he's in a downright pissy mood, he snaps at us. Well, me in particular. The more we disagree with him on a subject, the worse he's going to feel, and the more he's going to take it out on us. M'sorry about your selfish stepmom. It doesn't sound like either of you deserve someone like that in your lives.
__________________
"There's a strange sort of quiet when you're dying. It's as if you're in a glass room, and the walls keep getting thicker and thicker." ~Gabrielle Zevin |
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