[reesecups]

The Friday before last, I had a health issue that came up and I ended up in the ER. Also, that same week, I had an upper endoscopy which I had no problem with and a colonoscopy, in which I woke up 3 different times and was traumatized by it. This week has been harder physically. My therp has let me call her daily with updates, but with both of us understanding that she isn't always able to call me back.

As to whether the problems found are long-term or not (don't know yet) my therp just says to keep my mind off of it and try to keep my mind occupied and take it one day at a time. That's what I've been trying to do but now I'm unable to concentrate on either books or TV. Cannot physically do much. I spent most of the day medicated and sleeping because I can't figure out anything I can do. I am depressed and NOTHING sounds interesting.

Any suggestions? My mental illnesses are long-term and frankly, most are tired of hearing about my problems. The only one who has been supportive is going through so much right now that she's completely overwhelmed.

[Travelinglady]

I'm sure it would be hard not to think about what might be and what you went through with the colonoscopy. Are you supposed to keep yourself so medicated?

I know you don't want to heat this, but you really do need to get out of bed and do something. If reading and TV don't engage you enough, then you need to think of something that would. I see you were able to post here at PC. Maybe you can play some games on here and respond to other people's posts as a start. I hope your report will be good.

[reesecups]

Originally Posted by Travelinglady

I'm sure it would be hard not to think about what might be and what you went through with the colonoscopy. Are you supposed to keep yourself so medicated?

I know you don't want to heat this, but you really do need to get out of bed and do something. If reading and TV don't engage you enough, then you need to think of something that would. I see you were able to post here at PC. Maybe you can play some games on here and respond to other people's posts as a start. I hope your report will be good.

Actually, I had been keeping myself on the different support groups. I was over medicating myself with Xanax because I just couldn't deal. I went to group and admitted about the over medication and got put on protocol. It wasn't just the colonoscopy by that time, but by Friday, I was in the emergency room because my bladder stopped working. I didn't want to go to group and the next Tuesday, the catheter was supposed to be removed. Wednesday morning I broke my toe and ended up so heavily medicated for pain there was no way to go. By Thursday I had to go back to a urologist because they think the pain medication had made my bladder not work again. Had planned on going back to group but didn't because I didn't want to go in with a catheter and told them I would not be in until after the 23rd, when it will hopefully be removed. But by that weekend, I was just in a bad place. So like it or not, that next Tuesday, I did go back to group. Went all 3 days. Because of the amount of Xanax, I was placed on protocol. And only allowed a week's prescription at a time.

So I am getting out. Not doing well, but trying to take some steps to try to keep myself from thinking too much. As far as the colonoscopy, she couldn't complete it because, she suspects,,scar tissue was preventing her from completing it. I have to do it again, this time under MAC, which, I guess is a stronger sedation. With my bladder problems I don't intend to reschedule it until at the beginning of next year.

The upper endoscopy showed Barrett's Esophagus and esophageal erosion as well as 2 holes in my stomach.

Sorry for babbling. Thanks for asking.

[Perna]

When things are bad for me I do a lot of novel reading. It distracts me enough with other people's stories and they tend to solve their problems and something inside me pays enough attention that it gives me hope and moves me around and faces me in the "right" direction so I can figure out how to work on and solve my own.

[reesecups]

Originally Posted by Perna

When things are bad for me I do a lot of novel reading. It distracts me enough with other people's stories and they tend to solve their problems and something inside me pays enough attention that it gives me hope and moves me around and faces me in the "right" direction so I can figure out how to work on and solve my own.

I would love to get lost in reading. But my concentration is shot again. I've got plenty to read and I keep trying, but it's very frustrating. TV gives me noise fortunately, but I cannot seem to focus on anything to watch it.

My iPad and the internet seems to be the only thing I can do right now. I guess it could be worse, right?

[Gr3tta]

Can you use your hands okay? I recommend trying origami, sewing of any kind - cross stitch, knitting, quilting, and colouring in colouring books. You can do any of these things while listening to music, books on tapes, foreign language lessons, or while watching movies, or television. Sometimes it helps fight boredom and negative thoughts to keep hands busy too. (For me anyway)
I really hope you will be feeling better soon.

[reesecups]

Thank you. Actually, I am feeling much better. I think i'm doing alright. Going to group has helped. Holidays being over with has reduced a lot of the stress and depression. Still have it, but getting a more positive outlook than I had before. Just leaving the house and driving somewhere has been a big help. And now that I'm able to handle group again, I think I'll be okay. Thanks for your advice and concern, it has meant a lot. Take care!

[reesecups]

Update:

Just in case anyone wanted to know. Still having a few emotional problems, but working on them. Went in for the second colonoscopy last Thursday and it went off without a hitch! Whew! I'm still having problems with urinary retention, but no longer catheterized and back to. 'baseline' when I started having the problem. I have two separate test with the urologist before the end of the year. But trying not to think about that. Just focussing one day at a time.

There was one problem that may have been due to the sedation they used for the colonoscopy: i wasn't allowed to take anything for anxiety or sleep for 24 hours after the procedure. So I knew it was going to be a rough night. I slept for about three hours, waking up constantly with nightmares. Then around 1am, the noise of the TV which I normally use to sleep started annoying me. So. I turned it off. Then tried to listen to white noise to calm me down as I was beginning to get really agitated. Didn't work. It felt like 100 different TV channels going off in my head at once. I thought I was going absolutely crazy.
I decided at 3am, it was either try the Xanax or go to a hospital. I could not understand what was going on. An hour later, the Xanax put me to sleep from 4am - 8am. Felt okay waking up.

Went to group and as kay during the first one. Before the second one started, I began to feel very anxious and tearful without knowing why. My case manager talked to me and I seemed to stabilize. Promised her before I left if it happened again, I would go to the hospital. But, fortunately, I have been able to sleep well these past 2 nights. Waking up and starting my day anxious without knowing why is still happening. But during those times and others, I'm repeating to myself what my CM said to me "nothing has changed since a few minutes ago. Nothing is going to change. You're okay". Seems to be helping.

Thanks everyone for your concern and support. I'm doing okay. Going to therapy and trying to 'deal'. Take Care