[withit]

When stress has overloaded one's psychic circuit....it spills over into the only other receptacle it has available: the body.

I've always been in excellent physical health. My doc always said I'm healthy as a baby. Bloodwork always showed sparkling clean blood, organs worked rop-rate, perfect blood pressure, perfect everything.
Until one day, when all of this changed.
I had erected for myself a structure of a support system to help sustain me through my difficult times. Through my difficult marriage, then divorce, and through the difficulties of raising a psychiatric child and two other high-needs children. (BTW, the psych child has made an unusual and surprising turnaround by getting off foods she is allergic to.)
The most significant part of the structure of support was having all three of my children in treatment with an excellent psychologist. She had been seeing me in individual therapy for some time and when I asked for her help with the children she so generously agreed to see them. It worked out just fine until there was an incident, too long to go into, but suffice it to say it unleased a lot of my rage. I was very angry at her for things she had said to my son's school, things that were about me, confidential stuff. She asserted that she said it so to protect me...it's a long story. Suffice it to say that it unleased a lot of anger and I readily admit that the rage was very much rooted in childhood stuff.
At any rate, a few months ago she decided to stop seeing my kids. She gave a reason, which in my opinion does not justify the removal of therapeutic intervention from children who are in the midst of a divorce process and are in their developmental years, and they have a real need for the intervention.
I tend to get enraged at what I sense as INJUSTICE. I'll bet many of us here can relate to that. In addition, I reacted very strongly to the fact that she had removed a HUGE support from me. She was removing a very critical part of the structure that I had erected for myself. And now, the structure crumbled.
I talked to her on the phone one day about 3 months ago, and I was very very very angry. At one point in the conversation I felt the rage was overflowing from my mental capacities and into my physical being. I began experiencing excruciating back pain.
And the back pain has been with me ever since that phone conversation. It is so painful. The worst pain is felt when I feel angry. Boy does it hurt then!
So, back to how I started this thread: When the psychic circuit gets overloaded, the pain spills over into the body. I don't know how to relieve this pain. I wish I could get a hold of some morphine.

Have you seen a physician since this occurred? This could be something other than the rage. And I do understand the connection that you are making but also encourage you to seek an opinion from an MD.

I am terribly sorry that the T has caused you so much hurt and anger. Hurt usually comes out as anger and it sounds to me as if you've certainly been dealt a huge blow by losing her support. This would cause a lot of stress in your body.

What do you do when you are terribly stressed? Do you take a hot bath, a walk, glass of wine, call a friend? Does anything help your back when you find yourself angry? I have a muscle spasm that occurs under my shoulder blade when I get stressed and a massage really helps me.

Please keep us updated. Pat

((((hugs)))) It is most painful when a T ends therapy - I can relate...