[sidony]

So during the 2 weeks that my therapist is away I find out I have an eye problem. On a routine visit to my optometrist, they took some photos of my eye. A week later his office calls and asks me to come in and have my eyes dilated. I spend days being paranoid about that. Then, once my eyes are dilated, the doc tells me I may have a condition called "retinoschisis" -- something not serious, but he thought I might want to check with a specialist just in case. He said it wasn't urgent but naturally I nearly fell over myself trying to make an appointment. This past Wednesday I saw the specialist. Who said "no, you don't have retinoschisis, but it looks like you have partial detachment of the retina in this eye." I don't know a lot about eyes, but I know that's bad. In fact, he recommended I have laser surgery that day, which I did. (Scary as hell by the way, especially since I didn't even know this guy.)

He said the surgery went well, but it takes 2 weeks for the surgery to be considered effective (I think the burns from the laser scar, and the scarring is what's helpful). So for these 2 weeks I'm almost constantly paranoid wondering if I'll suddenly have a major eye problem. Every minute I'm checking to see if I see more floaters in my eye or something. I'm so afraid.

I'll be glad when my therapist is back next week. But I'll celebrate when it's 2 weeks from Wednesday if I make it that long with no problems.

Afraid.
Sidony

((( Sidony )))

I will cross my fingers and toes that everything will be fine. I can see how you'd be scared, though.

I know the feeling of having the need to talk to T and not have them available. It's sucks.

[(JD)]

((((((hugs)))))))) I'm so glad you went to the specialist! I have to have my eyes checked regularly by the neuro opthalmologist for that very reason. (The head injury jostled the eye gel which broke off and apart..and the floaters get so bad at times I can't see and have to pull off the road when driving!)

You did some great self care there, and should be very "proud" of yourself for that! I'm sorry it happened while T was gone... that is ALWAYS the case for me, too Stomp stomp stomp... but then, so much happens to me anyway, it would be hard not for it.

I hope your eye heals well...I am very interested in any more information you feel comfortable giving on this.



PS The doctor probably zapped the other floaters in that eye while he was lasering the retina tissue... so you shouldn't have that problem in that eye again, imo. I've thought about asking mine to just go ahead and do that to my vitrious matter.

[sidony]

Thanks guys,

I'm glad to have found this board as I feel better by coming in and sharing this type of stuff.

I've always been very scared of medical problems. Just going to the doctor is very scary for me though I'm generally in very good health.

_Sky, I'm sorry to hear about your eye problem! That sounds bad. I see a lot of floaters (most nearsighted people do), but they've never been bad enough to be an obstruction to vision. But right now I'm constantly checking to see if they get worse.

I'm definitely glad I saw the specialist! He told me I may have had this problem in my eye for years, but now that they know about it it was best to do something. It was awfully scary to go in and have someone I'd never met do surgery on me. I read his credentials later, and he sounds like a good doctor though. Certainly my vision's no worse. What he did was laser around the area of my eye where the retina was coming detached. Hopefully the scarring from the laser will tack down the retina better. He said he did 621 spots of welding in my eye! That sounds so bizarre to me.

The surgery itself was difficult. It was awfully hard to relax, but he was very reassuring the whole time. Still, scary.

My eye's sore from being poked and prodded so much. At least I knew to expect that though.

I'll definitely be glad to see my therapist on Tuesday. I also have group therapy on Monday night so I guess I'll talk about some of this stuff then.

Thanks for the support!

Sidony

[sidony]

Whoa, I just saw the P.S. I had no idea they could zap floaters. I might ask him about that. I still have lots of them, but I'd been told nearsighted people just have to live with them. They don't really bother me except right now while I'm worrying about them. I do wonder if I could get rid of them though....

(not that I'm particularly interested in more surgery if I can get around it, but it'd be interesting to find out)

[sidony]

On a side note: I did notice that there's a bond between the client (me) and the surgeon too. Not the intense intimacy of a bond with a therapist, but for a few minutes there my entire connection in the world was with that surgeon. I had to trust him and try not to panic (to tell him if I needed him to stop instead of jerking away). It was interesting to think about that connection afterward. Strange to trust a stranger. For a few minutes there, me and the surgeon were the only people in the world (in my mind).....

Sidony

[(JD)]

Well, your eye should have been sore from the detachment! It can be excruciating Yes, my surgeon zaps floaters for ppl all the time... but then, he is a neuro opthamologist, so I don't know if that makes a difference or not

Quit worrying then... I'm sure the surgeon would have taken out " " if any floaters were large enough to worry about...glad you didn't lose your sight in that eye! TC!

[January]

((((((((( Sidony ))))))))))

It is so scary when something happens to our eyes. You did a wonderful job in taking care of yourself.

Please keep us posted on your progress.

Hugs,

Jan

[sidony]

Thanks everybody.

And _Sky: Strangely I didn't have symptoms from the detachment itself though it was considered early stages of detachment. I would have never have known about it had it not been for my optometrist appointment.

Now here's a really scary part: When I went to the optometrist to get my new contact lenses, they asked if I wanted to have my eyes dilated. I said NO (because I had to go back to work and it gives me a migraine, etc.). The assistant said that's fine but then asked me if I wanted an "Optomap" done. She said this machine takes a picture of your eye -- it's as good as dilating without dilating. Only problem is insurance won't cover it and it's 45 bucks. I said "what the hell -- I guess I've got 45 bucks -- go ahead with it."

It was the pictures from the Optomap that caused them to call me and have me come in for eye dilation.

I could just as easily have said no.

Scary.

Sidony

[(JD)]

Your doing that very possibly saved your vision. I'd give that assistant a nice thank you card Yes, once it's reached the point of pain, it's iffy for vision. Your angel is sure watching out for you!

[sidony]

I hope my vision's okay. Last night I had a terrible anxiety attack. I've got a headache right behind the eye where I had surgery. That makes sense, but I would think it would have gone away by now. I don't know though. I once had a migraine for 3 days just from having my eyes dilated. But I keep getting afraid that I won't make it 2 weeks (time for the lasering to heal) because the surgery will have exacerbated whatever part of my eye was problematic. He told me that was NOT the case -- that if the surgery didn't help, it wouldn't make it worse. But I can't believe that wasn't somehow traumatic to my eye. That's just a hard thought for me to get around.

Anyway, I had a horrible panic attack last night where I had all these crazy thoughts. I got these ideas that if I moved I would go blind. Or if I looked at the clock (somehow the clock became cursed) that I would go blind. It was really crazy. I recognize that those are irrational illogical OCD-style thoughts, but I couldn't seem to shake them off. I think it was because late in the night on Saturday would be the most difficult time to find any help if I were suddenly having bad symptoms.

The headache scares me though. But it isn't new -- it's been there since the time of the surgery. I just think it should be gone by now.

I'll be much less anxious once I'm at work tomorrow. The eye place I went to is only a few blocks from my office so I could always go over there.

I've had crazy panic attacks before. I remember once being deathly terrified of lightning. I still can't (safely) drive if there's lightning. This panic attack related to my eyesight is awful though. I'm attempting to be more calm and rational now. Any suggestions?

Sidony

[(JD)]

I'm sorry to hear of the panic attacks. The surgery mends the tear... it's a tiny light ray... that seals it up together...

Probably the more you worry about the eye, the worse the pain will get. Try to distract yourself, and if the anxiety doesn't quell, then call the doctor and talk to the nurse there. I'm sure others have too

Breathe.. and do grounding techniques... remember, you are still able to see out of the eye, yes it was near traumatic... but it's better than it was... remind yourself that your eyes are sensitive and you often get headaches from anything that affects them... and breathe...(((hugs)))

[sidony]

Thanks _Sky. I'm probably just panicking. It does feel weird to have a headache for this long though. It feels like pressure pain right behind that eye. I took a decongestant (even though I don't have allergies as far as I can tell) and also some Advil. But the pressure-pain stays constant. Maybe it's not unusual to have it for this long I don't know. At least the doctor's office will be open tomorrow if I still feel this way. But yeah if I could stop thinking about it I might not notice it as much. It went away Friday when I had a couple of beers. And came back once I was completely sober.....

Thanks for all the support. I appreciate it.

Sidony

[sidony]

So to distract myself....
I'm reading about group therapy. I'm in group therapy and tend it to find it very anxiety-provoking. So that makes great distraction as I start worrying about it when I read about it. Didn't realize that would be useful.

I suppose if I watched a horror movie that would be good distraction too. Though I'm not trying to suggest that group therapy is like a horror movie. Only that they're both good for distracting myself....

Sidony

Hey SId! I hope you're feeling better. I actually replied to your eye problem, but in the psychotherapy forum. I just finished up a 40-hr week-long course in group therapy, so I am now an expert, haha.... If you have any questions, let me know, I have done a great deal of research in the last week, and am in the midst of writing a 15-page paper on the process of group therapy... I spent the entire week being in groups and leading groups... it was very emotionally draining because even though it was school, everyone used real stuff, and it got pretty intense... people were disclosing some pretty heavy stuff. Anyway, I am thinking of you and hope you are doing okay.

[sidony]

Thanks pinksoil!

I'm still stressing over my eye, but I think that's just going to be a given until I'm convinced it's had time to heal. I go back to the doctor on Wednesday (if not before).

Cool on the group therapy course! It's definitely fascinating. I have a hard time with group because I never seem to want to tell people anything. I go in there thinking I want to talk about something that's bothering me, and then I find that I change my mind and I don't want to talk to anyone about anything. And then I think I'm going to quit, and then I try again. It's a weird cycle. I'm pretty sure I'll gripe about my eye problem in group tonight though.

Thanks for the support!
Sidony

[sidony]

I'm actually glad I'm going back to the eye doctor tomorrow morning! I hope they'll think the surgery has gone well. I'm really worried that my retina will further detach without my knowing it. I never noticed the original symptoms, and I see so many floaters in both eyes I doubt I'd notice any new symptoms either. But my vision seems like it always did in that eye though my eye has been sore quite a bit. Presumably from having the dude poke it around with his thumb so much. I'm not looking forward to having more lights shine in there, but I sure am hoping they'll tell me good news tomorrow..... (that it looks better even if the laser burns haven't had time to completely scar yet).

Cross your fingers for me......!

Sidony

[sidony]

Update:

Okay I went back to the doctor one week after the surgery, and he said things looked well (that the scarring was at 80% capacity to hold already) and that I should come back in another 2 weeks.

I'm supposed to go back on Wednesday, but I'm actually going to show up there Monday morning instead. This is because I've started seeing occasional flashes in my eye (something I've never seen before). I've read that this can be as normal as floaters (related to aging) but could be something worse. I'm going to be totally worried all weekend. I wonder if I should be trying to find emergency weekend help (not that I think I could get it).

I worry that I exacerbated my eye because -- without knowing I wasn't supposed to -- I exercised several times after the surgery. I was at the gym and mentioned to another woman there that I'd had laser surgery and she said "oh you're not supposed to exercise after laser surgery!" So I call the doctor's office, and they say oh yes, no exercise, no weight-lifting, etc. Now why didn't they tell me that while I was in there?! I wouldn't have done it.

Does anyone else have flashes? It's not a whole bunch all at once, but it's every so often (in the same eye where I had surgery). It's possible that I'd seen them in the past and not noticed it. I just don't know. This all terrifies me completely.

Sidony

[sidony]

I placed a weekend call to my eye doc and the surgeon who worked on my eye was actually on call. He called me back just now and talked all about it. He explained how flashes of light could be normal especially since there had been a retinal problem he had worked on (I won't go into all the scientific details here). But it was helpful to talk to him. He'll see me on Monday and let me know if there's anything I should be worried about but that the flashes were likely to be expected for me (AND that I may have had them and not noticed them in the past, which I realize).

Sidony

[January]

((((((((((( Sidony ))))))))))

I'm so glad you called and was able to talk to your Dr.

Hugs,

Jan

[sidony]

My eye's in good shape (just had it checked)! The surgery's healed and hopefully that's all they'll need to do to that eye. I'll have frequent eye doc visits for a long time though. And a month from now they're going to do laser surgery on my other eye since it has weak spots (apparently if you have detachment in one eye you're at very high risk of having it in the other eye too).

I'm glad I went to the eye doctor when I did. If this had progressed a lot more it would have been major surgery instead of laser. But with luck I'll be able to avoid major surgery.

Thanks to everyone for the support. I better sign off since my vision's way blurry from having my eyes dilated a little while ago. Luckily I'm not real busy at work today because it's hard to see like this.

Sidony