[Piper16]

My daughter said today that her grandmother likes to get hurt and that she hopes her grandfather catches on fire. she didn't think it was funny or joking, just very matter of fact. That my Mom likes to be hurt and that she hopes my Dad catches on fire. She takes things from kids and hits and kicks and pushes them over and when i ask her why, she says because I wanted to again very matter of factly. She seems to want to hurt people and I am concerned now. She seems to have no empathy or understanding that it is wrong to hurt people, she just doesn't care. Should I be concerned? How can I help her understand that hurting people is wrong, and how can I help her to feel something about it, like feel badly about doing it? Thanks!

[Rhapsody]

Feeling bad about hurting other people comes with time even for that of a four year old.... many kids act like your daughter is at this time in their development and it is up to you "the parent" to teach her other wise.... imo some form of disciplinary action needs to take place every time she does some thing that physically hurts another person (even if its just time out in her room) and you should always correct her when she states a negative thought about hurting a person or a dear loved one.

Hang in there.... and remember the old saying "parenting isn't for cowards"
well, is there for a reason.

[lynn P.]

I agree with the first post. I think it's important to enforce discipline if she hurts another child - remove her from the situation and give her a time out - then talk about it. You can ask her how she would feel if this was done to her - re- enforce the common belief of 'treat others how you wish to be treated'. Other forms of discipline could be taking away her favourite toy. Best of luck

[Piper16]

Thank you so much for your advice, it has put my mind at ease a bit.

[NuckingFutz]

you just described my neice. My brother tried the disapline route with no improvement. Just for your piece of mind, please have her evaluated by the best pdoc you can find. In the case of my neice, there was a treatable illness there...we have seen a lot of progress and it is safe for others to be around. She still says shocking things sometimes but the physical acting out has stopped. She has even shared with us that before she got treatment, she said she did not feel like she could not control the hitting, kicking and biting.

[GrayNess]

This sounds similar to how I was back then, although not quite as destructive. Perhaps you could try something along the lines of the Token Economy. To save the history lesson, the idea is that you make some sort of tokens, whether they be poker chips, paper, etc... . Do not make it real money though. The idea of this is to allow the kid to collect tokens only when they do something good. If they do something bad, do NOT take them away. After they have a certain amount, they can "cash in" and get a certain prize that you allow them to use.

With a 4-year old this may be too much as they may not be able to understand the numbers and such.

For me, I didn't get anything like that. Only later, maybe a 3-4 or so years later (not really sure), my parents gave me puzzles to figure out and once I figured it out, then I got what I wanted. However, I could only get the puzzle after I did whatever things I had to do before then. My parents gave me these puzzles and whatnot as I was naturally good at them and it kept me inside and away from what I shall call my fun (sparing the details).

For me the discipline was essentially yelling, being called worthless and other names, getting hit around, etc... . However, I'm still somewhat the same, still feel nothing except some anger at times. It's currently worse in some areas but better in others, although that's a different topic and probably one I cannot discuss here on the forums.