Question for teen boys and girls

Hello. I am the mother of a 17 year old son who has had a girl friend for about 1.5 years. My son got into trouble and i took his phone. When I read the text messages from this girls they were all about sex. Even my son asked her why she only talks about sex. Why is she doing that?

I am not sure if I would of read his messages they are private.

I always ask my kids if they are having sex. It's going to happen sooner or later. I just want to make sure that my kids are going to be safe.
Maybe the two of them have already did something, and he's lying to you. I would just come straight out and ask him. IMO I think that they have already did something.

I have a teenage daughter (younger), and I know where you are coming from. Just because they are talking about sex, doesn't mean they are doing the act. Keep the lines of communication constantly open, because as said above, it will eventually happen.

Good luck!

This is sure a tricky topic

I have a 16 yr old step-son, 15 yr old estranged daughter and 10 yr old daughter that is entirely too developed for her age

I agree with the comment about open communication. I am sure I will be asking a million questions as the time gets closer for my youngest. I was raised in a very strict environment where NOTHING was spoken of. It was weird as mother is an alcoholic and has her share of issues. I can say from my personal experience, the communication is most important. The first time I was in that situation, I did not have a CLUE what was going on physically, much less emotionally.

I hope I am not being too honest with my youngest. I don't want her to think it is commonplace and take sex for granted, but I also want her to know how special it is.

Do ya'll know what I mean. Any pointers ?

Jen

Personally, my take on things:

Teens are going to talk about, experiment with, get interested in, and what not, about sex at some point. It happens. We don't like to think of it as parents, but teens are sexual beings in their own right, and its totally normal for them to experience sex in different ways.

My biggest concern would be if this girl is extremely sexually agressive. That to me suggests that there may be some issues going on there, perhaps she feels the need to act out sexually. Thats a fine line though - as some people are highly sexed, some not so much. Is there much you can do? Not really, i mean, you can tell your son that hes not to be exchanging sexual messages on the phone you provide, but they will find a way to exchange those messages somehow else, and at that age, messages are the LEAST of your worries

it seems like a pretty intense relationship to me. Its likely that they already hav had sex or are going to really soon. My advice (i'm young) is that you don't read the phone messages anymore because if you betray his trust and things go badly he wont come to you for help. It would be important that your son knows about safe sex and how to get condoms sti and pregnancy are bigger problems than having sex. To make sure he knows maybe you should give him some info or get his dad to have a chat about it. Don't make a big deal out of it and don't tell him you saw the messages. Becaus it would be embarrassing and betraying. Try not to freak out about it. It is normal part of growing ur. You probably stil see him as younger that what he is but if you trust him you will still have a good relationship.good luck

Not sure but perhaps the teen girl is insecure as many teens are and she thinks if she talks about sex or has sex with boys she will get the attention or love that she seeks.

Personally, I think that it's good that she seen the message. She has ever right to know what her son is doing. It would be something different if the issue was something else. There are way to many STD'S out there just to let this issue pass by. Besides the fact of pregency. I was 17 when I had my first child. Talking to your kids about sex is nothing to be ashamed of.

My daughter is sexually active. Do I like it? No, but I rather her be safe then sorry. When kids are this age you can't keep them locked up. All that is going to do is create problems.

If this girl was sending a text like that to her son, I can almost bet that the girl is sexually active. Then she needs to be thinking to herself, why would my son keep talking to her if he doesn't like the messages. Kids are not going not going to tell their parents everything. At that age they think that the parents are stupid, and they're so smart.

Where do you draw the line about knowing what he is doing ? When is is married ? When he has a full time job ? when he has a part time job ? when he has children ? When he retires ????

If he is paying for his phone (which I don't know if he is or not) then I believe she or any parent has no right to look at private messages on the phone. If mum or dad pays for the phone then yes they do.

But that is in my book where you draw the line.

I think that it's a fair statment to say that if he's under the legal age, that she should know what he is doing. I'm not saying that she should always get on the phone and look at it. I just think that something like the sex issue she should know about. Maybe my relationship is different with my kids. I just come right out and ask what I feel that I need to know. My daughter is very open with me. I also have 2 teenage boys, 15, and 16. I have asked them. I only ask them, because I want to make sure they are going to be responsible about it. My boys don't like it when I ask, but someone has got to do it. Here is a good example. I have a cousin who was pregnant at the age of 14. Had the baby when she was 15. Not only was she pregnant, she also caught an std that will be with her for the rest of her life. My aunt never talked to her about any of these things. If she did maybe the outcome would have been different. Parents need to know that the stuff that we watch on tv can also happen to us. We can't be blind sided by it. I had my daughter when I was 17, and it is not something that I want her to repeat, or my boys.

Educating your children about sex is one thing reading texts are another.

I would do one and wouldn't do the other.

At 17 the sex education talk should be an open dialogue an ongoing thing. Male or female.

I have two sons who are now 20 and 19 we talk openly about sex and the same as your boys mine are not too happy about it but will talk lol.

I have a younger daughter and have no idea how that will go as she is far too young to talk about sex to.

To be honest I have never been on my daughters phone. I don't need to, because she tells me. lol, I'll be honest, sometimes I even hate hearing it. I am glad that she tells me though. I think that if you and your daughter have a close relationship, she will be like my daughter, and just tell you. When Samantha was 16, she feel in-love with this kid. I was always asking her if she was having sex. (I think that you can tell) Well anyways it took her a couple of times of me asking her, and finally she told me. So, I told her that she needs to be on birth control. I told her about the other stuff also. Even before that I was already talking to her about it. I just told her that if you ever feel or think that it is going to happen, then we need to make sure that your safe.
One good thing about it. I'm glad that I'm not the only one whos boys get upset when you ask. lol

I understand the need for privacy, but my need to have healthy, safe children trumps their privacy needs. In my opinion, the cut off age is 18. I am no longer legally responsible for their actions at 18. I have only felt the need to invade one of the kids' privacy once. I thought my daughter (in college) was depressed and I opened a My Space and Facebook account to see what she was posting (I know, she was over 18 but it was the world wide web, no expectation of privacy imo). Frankly I wouldn't be able to figure out any of their phones.

Now to the topic of the thread. I have kids aged 22, 20, 16, &16. It has been my experience that these kids talk about sex ALL THE TIME. Just because they're talking about it, doesn't necessarily mean they're doing it. Polite conversation has taken a strange turn these days.

The only thing you can do is keep the lines of communication open with YOUR son. I've always been very open with my kids, starting from when they were small so that it wouldn't be as uncomfortable.

AAAAA ..............

You always make sense lmao

LOL Tish, if you recall, I was too stupid to open an account under a fake name. I used my own name and she found me out immediately and cried foul.

Yeah I remember now ! Roflmao....

I completely agree with JerryM. If the child is underage then everything in that phone is the parents business. IMO the phone is a privilege earned and if there are suspicions then the parent should look in the phone and if the child is being disciplined and the phone is the privilege taken away then the parent should look through the phone. There is a reason for a legal age and that is because before that legal age children and teens are not yet ready or mature enough to make big decisions like that. Yes, sex will come up in a teens conversation and yes some teens are sexually active, but IMO under the legal age children are not ready to make that decision.
I definitely agree on sex talks and education, keeping the communication line open, and making your child feel comfortable talking to you. And that can be done even if your child knows you won't hesitate to go through their phone. My daughter knows that I have every right to ask her or to check up on her any way that I want to and she recently told me that she loves talking to me about things because I always understand. She knows that there are boundaries and when those boundaries are crossed there will be consequenses. And she respects that.

From my years as a teenager and from being the mother of two teenage boys that are now 24 & 19 - I can tell you that talking about sex is a teens way of learning about sex and how the opposite sex thinks & reacts to sex without actually becoming sexual.... and if it helps, my two sons did not become sexual until they were in their 19th year of life even though they often talked about and thought about sex a lot.