26, going on 15

Parenting an adult adolescent sucks. My 26 year old son has only held a couple legal jobs in his life. He spends his time smoking weed, playing music (he is a talented musician), and day dreaming fantasy careers. He earns his way by music lessons and... He has had a couple amazing opportunities that have fizzled most likely due to his being a stoner. I wait, and wait for "the phone call" where I find out he is in hospital, prison, or the morgue. I think he limits himself to pot, but don't really know. It could be anything. This has been eating my soul since he left home 10 years ago. I used to worry at least once every few minutes. Now it is a few times a day. Any suggestions how to cope would be appreciated.

He has been unofficially diagnosed as having untreated ADHD of a serious and impairing magnitude. This was by trained mental health professionals he knows as my personal friends. He refuses to believe it. He could possibly get disability, but refuses to seek any professional's assistance.

It's sad that he is seemingly wasting his life at the moment but he is the only one who can live it. I think with a child at his age who refuses any help, you kind of have to step back and hope for the best (rather than expect/wait for the worst, the phone call). It does not sound like there is much communication between you so, as you say, you can't really know what's going on. I was not doing so great at his age either but I will be 60 this year and like who I have become and my life. Put some hope in the future and in his ability to learn to navigate his life in a way that works for him.