Shocking parental capacity finding

apparently I am a high risk to physically abuse jeremy!!!!

Simply, and ONLY because I MYSELF was physically abused. What the sheep?

I was a borderline in treatment ( my therapist never told me my diagnosis) years ago, and then I went back to her years later (we moved back to the area) after I already had kids. Then after awhile she hinted at my diagnosis. I noticed that I had been verbally abusing my kids--and a bit, only, of physical abuse. "Why didn't you tell me I might end up abusing my own kids?" I asked her. (My mother psychologically abused me. My therapist said I would have been schizophrenic had I not had a sister.) "Well, it was a judgment call," she said. "I didn't even know for sure that you would even have any children."

It is "shocking" to note that these tendencies do tend to be passed on. I strongly encourage you, if you're not already, to get into therapy. You are very wise that you have picked up on this possibility and are concerned. As my therapist said, "We can break the cycle." Okay?

Oh yeah...the research and its results have been around for years..

My kids are now 14 and 12. I had a very traumatic and severely abusive "parents"....Never ever ever touched my kids. In fact, I kinda went the other way...I'm too much of a softee. But hey, better then what it could've been!
You'll be fine girlie!

xoxo
Dee

I don't think "You" are at high risk, it's just that most of those who abuse their kids were abused. It's an education thing; if you're aware and working against it, you'll be fine; your kids might end up in jail from lack of discipline, but you won't abuse them I didn't have kids partly because I had so much anger retained at my stepmother and can get short tempered, fast. I was worried it might be too difficult. I didn't do well with my first cat and its antics I didn't like (didn't abuse it but came close when it wouldn't "obey"; like one can get a cat to obey :-) so didn't think I should graduate to children.

I came from a family with absolutely NO ABUSE physical or verbal when I was growing up, but I grew up as an only child & had absolutely no interest in children, especially babies. I never felt the desire to have children even though I did end up with my daughter. I usually let my husband take care of her as I didn't have the patience to deal with children & found myself getting short with her at times & really hated it when she would act up when we were out. I burried myself in my degree & then in my career for 15 years.....felt that my daughter was really better off without my impatience pushing her since I had so many perfectionist tendencies driving my life at that time.

I think if I had pushed myself to be the mother I didn't want to be in the first place that I could have been very abusive toward her especially since I wasn't wanting a child in the first place. Now I am ever so glad that I have my daughter.....but the distance that existed when she was young isn't exactly something you can force to change in the later years.

We do make our choices & we do make the changes from the childhood we had.....we are not stuck with the patterns we experienced if we WANT to change them....you can be the kind of mother you want to be with your son & don't let anyone tell you differently

I think as long as you're getting help with your issues you can break the cycle of abuse.

Yes, I think that is the key--any issues that might be lingering after the abuse.....I definitely did need therapy to help to overcome the damage done to me. Maybe some other people don't, but I think we all need to monitor our thoughts and feelings and seek treatment when we see we need it. Otherwise, we aren't going to be able to break the cycle.

Eek, i think i better clarify!

The reason i found it shocking was because I am 100% ANTI VIOLENCE. And I consider hitting children a form of violence(opinion that not everyone shares). I had in fact shared this with the good doctor - that I used 123 magic and time outs, and did not beleive in hitting. I spanked ONCE in a dangerous situation, and really it was a pat, and Jeremy turned around, laughed at me, and hit me back.

Well, I guess THAT doesn't work.

anyways, they are REALLY pressing me. On this issue. This is going to be their primary finding i think.

Hey, Mandie. Maybe I'm the one who jumped the gun about the physical abuse issue, since I was the first to respond....Oh, well, we do see things in light of our own issues....

If your parents were spankers/whippers and you see that as physical abuse just in itself, then we might be talking about the magnitude of the physical punishment (corporal punishment). Then there is definitely the subject of emotional abuse. That's what I mainly got--a very critical, non-validating environment. I got some switchings and paddlings, but nothing very extreme.

I also chose not to physically punish my kids and did not give the local schools permission to do so either. (Yes, where I have lived, we were even sent out forms to check "yes" or "no"!) Alas, I did hit a few times out of frustration and anger.....A definite injustice. I always thought it rather silly to have a paddle or whatever implement at home and use it in a calm, rational way. So, I never did.....

Am I more on the right track now?