Doesn't qualify....What!?!?

I have been trying to get my son help for more than a year now. Therapy and med checks are not providing the help he needs. Doctor and T both think he needs to be hospitalized in Residential. I talked to the intake coordinator and he says my son does not qualify. What!?! Because he is "passively" suicidal and not "actively" suicidal they can't spare the bed
Intake coordinator said children like my son often fall through the cracks.
I have called everyone on my insurance list and went through the phone book..no one will accept him.
I am worn out, frustrated, and just plain angry!
What is it going to take to get him the help he needs when everyone says no?
We will be increasing his T visits, but after sessions it takes him several days to recover...and that leaves me to support him through it. I don't feel qualified and I'm worried about saying the wrong things.

If he was violent, or had an addiction problem, or tried to self-harm, they would make room for him. Why do they have to wait for him to get worse before they can help him?

Our mental health system is terrible!

Oh, I'm sorry. How old is he, and how long has he been ill? It's criminal that he's being allowed to suffer like this.

He is 15. He was first diagnosed when he was nine. The last 13 months have been unbearable! I'm watching him disappear right before my eyes....

I'm not sure how someone can be "passively" suicidal? If you're having those thoughts, you need help and support. That is terrible that these people are being like this and I hope your son can get the help he needs. I'll be thinking of you and your son!

Passive suicide is when there is a wish or desire to be dead, but no intent or plan. Active suicide is when there there is a plan, intent, or attempt. That is how the doctor explained it to me. So in their minds, I guess a teenager hopelessly laying in bed saying,"what's the point, it doesn't matter any ways, I wish I was dead." Isn't enough to qualify for their type of help. I'm not going to give up on him! I'll start at the top of the list and find someone who can do something. If I'll still come up empty handed - I will read every psych book I can get my hands on and do it myself. I have told my son that I will always be on his side, always be in his corner and I mean it. I will not let depression take him without a fight!

I have to say again - our mental health system is terrible!

Everything I have been writing about in this forum makes me think, how many other kids "fall through the cracks"?

What system?

School ( social workers and psychologist), private and public hospitals, social services....

What I am saying is, there isn't much systematic in this "system"!

Got it...I'm a little slow sometimes

That is so horrible, I'im so sorry! It's so wrong that they won't give him the help he needs. It must be so hard for you to watch.

Son had session with T yesterday. T said he will help as much as he can and squeeze in extra sessions if needed...
I'm still a bit worried about me doing/saying the right thing when he's so upset, but I will never give up on him.
I know what an amazing child this depression is hiding and I will help my son find that lost guy again.

Yep. The "system" kept evaluating my son for everything under the sun (he had Tourettes syndrome - nervous tapping/twitching). They evaluated him on every level, and decided it was a "family matter" - he needed to get his act together, and we needed to be sure he did or he would be kicked out and/or held back a year. The school had no school psychologist or social worker.

This was during a time when all the kids were getting special aids to help them in school - we only got instructions and warnings. They only saw my son as a little black boy and agreed he would never need an education beyond "servant" class - they saw no need to waste any academics on him, other than for a special project. Even when his Tourette's subsided completely in high school, they still only saw him as a "servant.

When he graduated from high school, one teacher went around the room and spoke of her "vision" for her students - (doctor, lawyer, scientist). She got to my son and everyone LAUGHED! The teacher said with sigh and a drool "YOU WILL MAKE A FINE STRIPPER ONE DAY!"

I doubt your son would care for that as an only option when he graduates - that or the military. Unfortunately, those who cannot "pull themselves up from their bootstraps" will be left behind.

OH MY GOODNESS

If a teacher ever said that to a child I knew about, I would be reporting her for sure. That is so far from appropriate I cant even begin to tell you...

Update - my son is still all over the place, up and down and in-between. He is talking to his T and engaged in the sessions, hopefully this is the start of more to come...
Thank you everyone for your support!

It does sound like a good start and connection with his therapist. I'm hoping and praying something will spark in him to start taking charge of his own life and future goals - in a good and clean way.

As for you, little missie (hehe), you have no idea how much my heart goes out to you. I know how tough it is to be "stuck in the middle" of chaos while trying to deal with your own issues and past.

Do whatever you need to do to help yourself, and say whatever you want to say here. This is your haven and sanctuary. Even if a post is blunt, just take it with a grain of salt. You know more about your life and feelings that we do. If I happen to trigger or upset you, go ahead and smack me.

Hang in there lady - remember you're a tough cookie, and people here care about you and your son.

I have had some really bad incidents with the school system my daughter is in, and it has her scared if she misses school, because one of the school's principals has threatened her with turning her over to the truancy force in our city, and all because she was out of school for six weeks with mono...he said mono doesn't last that long...the dr wrote a letter stating that she was under a doctors care while she had mono the six weeks she was out...and now she has written a letter stating that she was under a doctors care when she had a sinus infection and was out for a few days within a couple of weeks...I have half a mind to go to the administration to see what can be done to stop this man from harrassing my daughter just because she was out of school...I think I will write a letter to the administration, telling them what he did, and what I think he owes Myriam...a full apology for making her think she will be taken out of the home and me put in jail because she isn't in school...he has no business doing that and I am pretty angry about that...now she is afraid that she will be taken out of the home if she is sick again...I am quite tired of it all and hate what it has done to her...

sometimes I think perhaps she would be better off in a different school system here where we live...but then again she would lose the friends she has...and that would not work for her because she is so shy...why do those in authority in schools do this??? i am really tired of seeing my daughter in fear of this...how would you guys go about talking to the school administration?

Jewels

Personally, I would write a letter and hand deliver it to the administration office (keeping a copy for myself) and follow up in few days with a phone call if I hadn't heard anything back. The principal is basically bullying your daughter. Keep fighting for her..if the school administration doesn't help, I'd go to the superintendent and (elected!) school board members for your district.