Help for adult son with ADD/ADHD

This forum may be for parents of younger children but the moderator suggested I post here and maybe on the ADD forum. I am a mom of a 23 year old son with ADD/ADHD who was diagnosed in 2nd grade. He managed school relatively well with medication and even did well in high school when he decided he didn't want to take it any longer. He passed three AP exams. Sending him to a large 4 year state college was a huge mistake. He could not handle the freedom/classes and came home after the first year. Since then, he has had trouble achieving and staying on task even when taking one class at a time at a community college. He works part time, but often stays in his room. He has been a loner much of his life and loves video games. We have had him see a therapist and psychiatrist, but they will not communicate with us bc of his age unless he is with us. They recommend he stay on medication, and he agrees, but he is very inconsistent. I want to help him, but he usually refuses help bc he wants to be independent. He is not financially independent though, and this is a big concern. We seem to keep going through the same scenarios over and over. Anyone else out there experiencing the same thing?

I wrote a post replying to your intro thread, but you might have missed it.

Mindfulness has been useful. Start with short bursts and work up. Explain its not about meditation or anything BS like that, but about being in the present.

An example of mindfulness that you can start out with, might be actually speaking out loud what you're doing. He has to be cognizant and attending to the now if he does this.

It is tiring. Start small and try it yourself, too, to understand it.

My T suggested a DBT group which has shown some decent effectiveness with ADHD. I'd check with your therapist if its suitable for your son.

M.

Is he willing to set an alarm for his medication? Have or is he willing to try cognitive training? What kind of help does he need?

I live this life hopeful. Although the mistakes we made are my own. Our oldest son worked so hard to get through HS. Most of his classes were mainstreamed but it took a lot of work. His college of choice did not believe he would succeed in the program he wanted to enroll in. He was so discouraged and wanted to take some time off. We supported that decision because he really did work his butt off to get through HS. For the next year or so we'd get things in the mail regarding this program or that one. We did not apply for any because we assumed his path would become clear eventually. Now he is no longer eligible for the programs . He is no longer covered under our insurance because I did not want to pressure him to keep up with the medical appointments. He is content with his life.

Our current plan is to continue life as it is now. He works part-time. He does more than his fair share of household chores. Should something happen to my husband and myself, I have already made arrangements with one of his siblings. I sat down to speak with each one of them individually, and each one of them is willing to take him in should something happen of course, but he has the most in common with our youngest child. So should something happen with my husband and myself, our son will go live with my son and his wife. We have a plan so I can sleep at night.

Hopeful Parent,

The desire to help our children never goes away regardless of their age and I think it is even stronger when we know our child has a disadvantage. However, there is a line between helping and enabling. It sounds as though your son has no reason to push himself to be the best he can be. While it is understandable that his self esteem may have taken a hit when he had to leave school, he must pick himself up and carry on. As an adult, it is his responsibility to take his meds consistently. As an adult it is his responsibility to reach out to the folks at the community college regarding his disability and check out any resources they may have to help him.
Just how much effort is he putting into bettering his own life?