[cureav]

OK I am not a child anymore, but just want to understand something;
my parents rarely speak each other, I hear them talk only when I am around, like a cover-up for their separateness; I feel like I live in fake environment.
So many things are saying that my sister and I captivate their early freedom, that they didn't even wanted children, but now they devoted their lives and expect us to give that back to them.
One day, we were driving in a car, and I said about that they are not wishing us independence, and my mother said with rage in her tone "Oh, you'll have your independence..." but she didn't finished, and the message was: "...when I die".
We rarely speak in our house cause the more I want to ask some principal questions about foundations of parenthood, I get this "wall" from them, anger and rage how disrespectful I am. Its like our parents have planned our life.

My question... well I don't know.
I'm trying to get a job and leave cause I don't get a common sense from them.
The most saddest part is, the more I watch their anger and rage about getting our independence, the more I am afraid of my future principles of parenthood and family foundations.

I really don't know what my question could be... but I would really appreciate opinion if someone has.
Thanks

[Travelinglady]

Hi, cureav! Parents who obstruct their children's independence have psychological/emotional issues. Healthy parents want their children to grow up and establish their own lives.

That's not to say that children shouldn't help their parents out as the parents become less capable, but, to me, it shouldn't be at the major expense of their own lives.

Your parents obviously have a lot of anger. But that doesn't mean you should give in to their thoughts that you "owe" them to the point where you are not allowed to grow up. They sound emotionally abusive to me.

My thoughts, anyway.

[cureav]

Thanks a lot Travelinglady, there is so much relief when your truth is acknowledged. Feeling of this unhealthy familial heritage of parenthood isolates me. They are pretty religious, and that is the only source of their parenting skills. According to that, you are able to leave this house, get help and common sense only when you get pregnant, cause you'll be in trouble. They would be very jealous if you move out, earn your living and live calm until you thoughtfully find a relationship. I see when we got into fight, that they are aware of the truth, but they see their failures and shut them-self down with any helpful thoughts and suggestions.
I guess I'll need to find peace in that somewhere...
Thanks again

[alicetailor]

Moving out-The best option. You deserve your independence! And just because your parents are religious, they can't take away your sense of independence.