Switching gears

This is more of a rant so I am sorry. But I am taking care of my friends 5 year old girl while my friend gets help. The little girl has been abused and mollested by her dad and his friends. The first few weeks have been hard but the last few days half of the times she has been so cuddly. She will come up to me and sit down in my lap and wants to be hugged and touched. It's adorable and sweet. Then a little bit after 2:00 she completely switches gears and will NOT listen. I have tried everything to keep her in timeout and she hits, kicks and punches. A few times I have had to give her a spanking which is the only thing she responds to usually. She is starting with a new therapist this week and I hope she is more hands on than he previous one. But does anyone have any idea why she switches gears at the -magic- hour.

Hunger and fatigue, typically are huge triggers. Can you change your routine, to incorporate a snack before two? Some either quiet time or an outside activity?

keeping you in my thoughts....I know 5 was our "magic" hour....I was distracted trying to get dinner on the table, the kids were getting hungry, the kids were getting irritated with each other, and I was running low on patience....

Is there anything that consistently happens around this time that you can think of?

Like healing said - I think hunger and fatigue are biggies..also would like to add boredom or possibly over-stimulation, and for her in particular - it could be that memories/reality are catching up with her. Maybe she is thinking about her mom or something like that...

It's great that you have identified a time - now maybe try to see what is going on in her environment that could be triggering her.....

I found before moving, that my kids, if on a halfday from school would come home in fits of irritability. They've since changed the entire school system to feed the kids lunch before sending home. I was highly vocal last year, when we fed before early snow release about what a positive difference it made in my home.

I know some are big about not snacking in between, but as sanity saver, snacks are always available in my home.

My kids won't nap, haven't even since diaper days, barring the toddler years and infancy.

I think it's wonderful she's bonding with you. Being thrust into a huge responsibility of a child, without gradual build up, is no small feat.

How are YOU holding up? Remember, you need to have time for you, to recharge in order to give back.

Thinking warm thoughts your way.



To add: my voice about food was profound, as I feed a significant amount of the towns youth. My principal, last year, felt my kitchen was the ready one, to do the impossible last year before releasing the kids home. We double timed the whole event. My school revamped it's entire schedule once a week. Food is key to behavior.

this song makes me think of her...She's A Butterfly

Yeah... what the others said - hunger and fatigue are huuuge triggers. And 2pm is definitely the sort of hour where those would hit.

Does she like movies/cartoons? You could always try starting a movie at 1:30pm... with a snack provided. It's not trying to make her sleep or nap, it's just a movie time where she can rest. If you're lucky, she might conk out sometimes! Especially as you've said that she has trouble and is resistent to going to bed at night.

Can I ask how your time-outs work? I forget. Like... do you ask her to go to her room, sit at the table, or what?

Wanted to add more to this discussion. Because talking about it, with others, is as important as reaching out, only during the tough times.

My nine year old has been a bear. His grade in class, doesn't get lunch until 1:30. He's refused breakfast, even to grab a cold cereal container for noon time. He only wants what I don't have to give, until next week...cheese its. When he gets hungry, he's unable to rationalize. I have graham crackers, gold fish, and saltines, but no. His stubbornness creates anger when he gets home. Catch 22 sometimes.

Sometimes, all we can do, is know where it's coming from. Even if our patience wears very thin. He was snippy with his younger brother over the cookies I'd made, then antagonistic with older brother, which disrupted my helping youngest with home work.

He's developmentally delayed, to boot.

There's studies going on now about how trauma affects neurological aspects of our brain. Is her pediatrician working with her school to get extra one on one support while she is there? My friend fought for her daughter to get an individual education plan, her daughter witnessed a murder, and has an inflexible mentality to boot. The more resources the better. You deserve as much help as possible. Weekly therapy is only part of the puzzle.

I tell her to sit in a chair in the living room. That way I can see her I just try not to talk to her. She was neglected and I don't want her to feel abandoned. But I can't have her destroy my house.

There is a reason that she doesn't want to go to bed, if she was molested she probably (knowingly or unknowingly) thinks of that around bedtime, assuming it happened in the evening/night. Maybe you could try having her sleep somewhere else, like the two of you could sleep in the living room, you can make going to bed something fun by reading, a game, whatever. I don't know. Either way, don't be afraid to admit you need help! This is a challenging situation.

I think this little girl needs empathy above all else... time outs and punishments only enforce isolation and will re-enforce her feelings of being bad. In her previous home, the people who she loved most, abused and neglected her - she CANNOT trust anyone. So I can sort of see why she might flip... any closeness or love she received in the past, had the flip side of abuse. Sounds like classic disorganised attachment... seeking affection one minute and acting out the next.

I wonder what life was like for her after 2pm? When did her dad come come, what was her mum doing? Are there any triggers... the lead up to bedtime perhaps? Also agree with the posts above, small kids need to eat frequently and I would imagine she is probably exhausted from all the stress and trauma + new living situation.