Son is repeating stuff his father would do to me that caused my PTSD HELP!!

How am I ever going to get better... And then it also feels like he pushes my buttons on purpose... It is so incredibly hard to hold my composure, and then 2 min later he can be the sweetest little boy... Makes me so sad. Any suggestions since it's really not his fault he is only repeating what his role model does.i tried to explain to him the behavior is unexceptible.

How old is he?

As hard of a concept as it is, it's important on some behaviors to call their bluff. If it is indeed on purpose to get a rise from you, don't engage.

How long ago did you and his father separate? How many years together was he raised under the same roof? It's really important to come out from the break up not feeling like the victim. It will be tough for your son to be looked at with any loathing that you have for his father that seeps through in his direction. That's one memory of mine, that never left. No one is perfect. It can be complimentary when done right.

If your son is returning from visits all wound up and spewing vitriol your way, it might go beyond his father bashing you, it could be the reentry mode effect that I term for my own kids, it's readjusting to surroundings and reality.

Hi he is 9 we separated in 2008, the abuse when I left was pretty traumatizing specially when he would use our son the as a tool to terrorize I hate talking about this but it has a lot to do with my mental health... I am sick of being a victim ugh... So I try to ignore and realize i was dealt a ****** hand and move forward, I wish I could but it's all connected To lots of things that make it almost impossible to obtain goals aspiration and dreams... That I have tried to obtain in the past...

He's 9 though, he's of an age, developmentally speaking where he'll display anger more.
I've been battered myself. I divorced with 3 young sons.
It is important that your son treat you respectfully. Not that kids are not their own persons and will try to push boundaries by pushing buttons as they try to get their way.
It's not easy. Yes, you have what you have, at the same time he needs to know that it's not open season for himself.

Thank you I appreciate all the feed back!!

I would recommend getting your son into therapy if he isn't in it already. He may be suffering from the DV he witnessed also and is reenacting as a way to try and feel control over the situation. If he is in therapy already you should talk with his therapist about his behaviors.

He is 9, let him get away with some of it. I know I felt guilty after the fact time already lost so I let them get a little mean with me, thinking they will blame me later on for staying with an abusive parent....I have my talks and we get angry and I tell him about religion and stuff and I share what his dad was to me at the same time though they are going to do what they want. I really try to manipulate him in that way. I use his Christian school and I kind of scare him with family members that have been in jail and try to make him understand how this will affect his future if he keeps down the same road trying to take it out on me or younger siblings .....Seek therapy I'm inclined to believe after some point they get shut off from the parents and it is like in one ear out of the other. Maybe they will trust someone else's guidance.

I have a lot of guilt for sharing how my mom left inpatient due to her diagnoses, during work she just fainted I didn't see her until three weeks later. I have guilt for sharing that story....After my therapy started I got so sifted by people and myself that the same thing happened and there was role reversal of the parent, my ex-husband (the abusive one) that left us had to return to be their savior....All due to mental illness, I don't know what affect it has had on them...Will they blame me like I probably some where in there blame my mom. Had I had that really in my mind I probably would have tried harder just not to follow down the same cycle as what happened to my mom.. I kinda already notice some of the issues they are dealing with as result of being children of divorce and mom that got psychologically sick and worst due to therapy and all that comes with that. Children don't really understand and want and need what they want . If they are harboring any anger hopefully I can put it into perspective for them as best I can now that being Religious is our only keeping power the power of forgiveness is huge.

my suggestion is if the other parent of the child is emotionally abusing the child by bad mouthing and making threats to the other parent (you) in front of / to the child, which would cause a child to do the same its time to make some parenting changes like modifying the visitation schedule to less and supervised visitation. and possibly a report to child protective services and the family courts law guardian of the child, if there is one. maybe even a protection order protecting this childs mental health and therapy for you and your child to help get this child more stable. a child learns from their parents. if a child learns how to domestic abuse someone including bad mouthing the other parent then they run a higher risk of being domestic violence abusers as an adult.

my opinion its time to not let the child get away with it and take steps to ensure this child is not going to grow up thinking its ok to do this with mom and dad so its ok to do with their more adult relationships and possibly end up domestically violating their own wife and children in the future.