What to do when you dont like his GF

Need some advice on how others have coped when they don't necessarily care for their child's choice of significant other.

\\ - this is a new one for me as I have always liked and gotten along with my older sons girlfriends with no real issues or worries what so ever..... but the girl my youngest son (he is 19 yrs old) has picked for his present gf is to childlike in her behavior, words and actions and it is driving my husband and I crazy when she is over at the house with our son that still lives at home.

We have tried the approach of talking with our son - but in all honestly he can't control another person.
We have tried telling her how her behavior gets on our nerves at times - all the childish nick picking.
We have tried to educate then both on the fine art of relationships, but they still argue a lot - "covers ears"

I know she has been through a lot emotionally physically and medically with her having cancer (leukemia) for five years, and with this it has left her body not functioning as it should as a female or as a balanced peaceful person and yet my husband and I still find ourselves in the situation of not liking it when she is over visiting at our home.... my oldest son and his fiance feels the same, therefore, I know this is not just a case of mom and dad not liking who their children date.

I think I would "pay" him to take her out more :-)

Since she's acting like a child and your son still lives with you; I'd set ground rules on arguing; if either/both argue too long/loud/annoyingly, then they have to leave, go somewhere else because "no one else wants to hear that". It's not an attack of their person, just their style of behavior and just as you'd expect your son(s) to behave in your house, you expect your sons' friends to behave!

Easier said than done when its not your child..... but I hear you.

Can someone say OUCH!

My youngest sons gf and my oldest son had it out with each other tonight while we were watching a movie and eating pizza at my house... one simply thing led to another and the angry words started to fly between the two of them - it was short lived and I stayed out of it... well, after I suggested that we let it be and get back to the movie since they both did their part in yelling at each other.

Just another day in the life of My Three Men..... shakes head and sighs

I would stay out of it unless it affected me and if they are arguing in my house while I am eating and watching the TV then they are affecting me and out they would BOTH go.

Yeah.. this is a hard situation.

But you know in the end, at his age, you can't demand he stop seeing her. He needs to learn that relationship lesson on his own.. and this fighting and arguing now althogh it probably will not last, should certainly teach him what he doesn't want in a relationship.

I think the most you can do is keep an open dialogue with him about relationships and what constitutes a healthy relationship and things like that. I wouldn't trash the gf in front of him AT ALL. This will only lead to him resenting you in some way, which is going to push him away and make him close up his ears.. You could say something like "gee, you know im really concerned over all the yelling and arguing you two do, is there anything you want to discuss that maybe i could help you figure out how to handle the fighting better?" or whatnot..

In the end, because I know you are a good mom. I know that he will make the right choice for him.. its just a matter of time

Yeah - at 19 years old I know the days of telling him what to do are far behind us and while him and his gf are slowly improving on their relationship after seven months together... the relationship between his gf and his older brother has come to a halt after last the up roar from last night.

My oldest son does not live at home, he lives with his finance and they have our first (and only) grand child a precious little girl that my husband and I love to see and spend time with... but as of tonight we have been informed that they have had it with my yongest sons gf and her ways and that they will no longer be stopping by the house when they know she will be there or going to be there.... oh what to do? - as I love them both.

Guess I am trying to come up with a way to talk to them all with out hurting any one to much.... or offending my youngest son or his gf.
It is times like this that I hate being the parent.

Seems like the gf has started to calm down a lot when she is over visiting at our house and while I do not approve of the yelling that took place between her and my oldest son I have to say that it seems to have created a big change in her behavior... Me Happy~

What to do when you don't like his gf is a good question. My son was dating this girl for several years. All they did was fight, fight, fight and fight some more. Sometimes my son was at fault.. sometimes she was at fault... anyway, they did not "blend" well.. After 3or 4 years, they broke up...In the beginning, I liked her.. Later down the line I realized I was not fond of her.. but if she is who my son wanted, it is his life, not mine...

In the middle of things a few times I mentioned to both of them that their relationship was not a good one.. The more I said the more they stayed together.. Then I said to my son and his g/f/..... It is your life and who you live with. Is your choice.. I don't want to be involved anymore... And I let go......... guess it wasn't long after I said that they broke up... shrugs shoulders...

Am glad they broke up.... The both said very harsh, ugly words to each other. Lacked communication...and compromise........Son had no respect for his g/f and g/f had no respect for my son...

So I'd say... from what I have learned is to stay out of it...

AMEN! - Good Posting Radio Flyer

When will it stop? - now my two sons are fighting (should of known it was coming).
The argument if due to the fact that my youngest sons gf is not being invited to my oldest son's graduation from college tomorrow.

Part of me is happy that my oldest son stood up for his self and his right to be happy for it is his day and him and his finance should get to enjoy it together and then the other part of me is sad because I know my youngest son is hurting and that is why he is acting out toward his brother..... oh the woes of being a parent of more than one adult child.

May I take a moment to - then maybe I might fell better.

Very good advice! Best of luck Rhapsody

Everything is good today..... we had the graduation on Friday and it went well, then we all went out to eat together then off to Wonder Works for about five hours of fun & games... during this time my son's started talking to each other again and they had a blast enjoying all the strange activites that Wonder Works had to offer... we all laughed and had a good time as a family.

For those of you that do not know what Wonder Works is -
http://www.wonderworksonline.com/

I'm so glad to hear that Rhapsody!! Thanks for the update