[summeryoga]

I realize this thread probably won't get seen by many eyes because there are so few people here in the Histrionic forum, but maybe just maybe someone in this forum, or someone at all, will connect to it?

Does anyone else in the world ever feel like a walking exposed nerve where feelings are just so ****ing intense all the time?

I feel everything so intensely, that I feel my feelings well up out of nowhere in a split second, only to wash over and penetrate my entire being - body, mind, and all. It seems that everything moves me. I see someone suffer, and I feel it everywhere; I think about human or animal suffering, and I feel it everywhere; I feel like a failure, and I feel it everywhere. I swear that when I kill a bug by mistake, I actually grieve. The blessing in this is, when I love someone ... and I love people very easily ... I feel it everywhere. But then when they split, I feel that everywhere, too.

Venting, I suppose.

[Trippin2.0]

Relate on ALL accounts S. I know I don't post here, but I always read whichever threads are active

[summeryoga]

Ah, and when I don't get the attention I feel like I need, it feels like a thousand needles poking me all over my body.

That's how I feel right now.

Originally Posted by summeryoga

I realize this thread probably won't get seen by many eyes because there are so few people here in the Histrionic forum, but maybe just maybe someone in this forum, or someone at all, will connect to it?

Does anyone else in the world ever feel like a walking exposed nerve where feelings are just so ****ing intense all the time?

I feel everything so intensely, that I feel my feelings well up out of nowhere in a split second, only to wash over and penetrate my entire being - body, mind, and all. It seems that everything moves me. I see someone suffer, and I feel it everywhere; I think about human or animal suffering, and I feel it everywhere; I feel like a failure, and I feel it everywhere. I swear that when I kill a bug by mistake, I actually grieve. The blessing in this is, when I love someone ... and I love people very easily ... I feel it everywhere. But then when they split, I feel that everywhere, too.

Venting, I suppose.

...Oh my god I hate this I am in a stupid rush and I hate this because I must talk to you ....dear darling thing and your beautiful but painful exposed nerve.

....you know what glorious A?....it's something I can sometimes relate to and I mean that and it's true and if it were not for someone like you I would not be able to suddenly and remarkably witness on a superordinary level, the magnificence of feelings about love.

It grieves me insinctively and beyond my bones that in order for you to experience the full force of love and in all aspects....that you must experience the punishing extremes that coincide...

...and I expect you get little time to recover somewhere in the middle there?........

It is a gift an otherwordly transparency so that all may see and experience and damn it I'm so grateful I have stumbled into your path in my mental clumsy manner and you have effortlessly scooped me up into your infinitely adoring self.

....and I know it is painfull for you A....an agony like you describe.

more on this later ....lovingly, J...XO

[summeryoga]

Thank you, J, for your compassion and friendship. When I count my blessings, you're inevitably somewhere at the top. Thank you a thousand times over. XO

[honeybee777]

See thats where my HPD overlaps with my ASPD, Im very cold, distaint, and have lack of empathy, so of course I dont relate to this at all, the one time I can remember i FELT, something that your apek of, is when my best freind had committed suicide, but then of course the emtions didnt last long, its interseting though summeryoga how we are do different huh? loved your post, Im glad i dont feel, it seems weak to me, but again thats me

[OtherHPD]

Originally Posted by honeybee777

See thats where my HPD overlaps with my ASPD, Im very cold, distaint, and have lack of empathy, so of course I dont relate to this at all, the one time I can remember i FELT, something that your apek of, is when my best freind had committed suicide, but then of course the emtions didnt last long, its interseting though summeryoga how we are do different huh? loved your post, Im glad i dont feel, it seems weak to me, but again thats me

AMEN on the weak! I don't think it's empathy you lack, only sympathy. As HPD's we are misdiagnosed as having a lack of empathy. It's our over abundance of empathy that makes us so good at being HPD We lack sympathy. I've even been called a socialpath once or twice. I don't believe it, I love myself too much LOL!

[summeryoga]

Originally Posted by honeybee777

it seems weak to me, but again thats me

Interesting ... I never saw myself as weak, actually. When someone I love is in pain, or when I contemplate the suffering in the world, this trait of mine can be so painful, it's momentary torture. I want to stop others' suffering so badly, but I'm helpless to do that sometimes.

BUT ... On the flip side, my love is SO deep, so intense, so all-consuming (and I am not just talking about romantic love), that I feel totally blessed to be able to feel so much. Every second with my children, I am filled with an indescribable amount of deep, pervasive love and happiness! And, when I use this sensitivity in combination with the classic HPD features of being 'charming' or 'charismatic', it allows me to make huge positive changes - for animal and human rights in particular. It is also this sensitivity that makes me a deeply caring and committed teacher. So, weak? Nope. It can be very painful to feel things so deeply, but I feel blessed much of the time to be able to feel and empathize and sympathize so much, to love my children so incredibly much, to make humanitarian changes when I put the energy into it, to be so directly in touch with my heart. I actually wouldn't change it if I were given the opportunity, because, as painful as it can be, it is also my greatest gift.

[honeybee777]

I understand that we are totally different, its my aspd, that lacks empathy, sympathy, but I do feel excited and obessesive over men, but its usually the cold in me that drives them to go away, then stalk me for years, they remember how vivasios I am and how confident i am, they again rember the good things and stalk me litterally, I find it amusing that someone can change theri mind so quickly, I am what I am because of many years of emtional, physical, sexual abuse, so that where the aspd comes, in....but Ive been incoucleing for years, and have found more happiness and continmemt in my life. I dont view you as weak summeryoga, but Ive found in my posistion, I just have feeling, and usually feeling lie to you, i go by knowledge, my feelign hasve been gone since i was a child, soooo maybe i could be more aspd,. but until that diagnones I will continue to most here...you guys are cool