[Captainkeefy]

Hello everyone,

I'd like to know a little bit more about this Personality Disorder. I'm in Therapy at the moment and I think I'm being a pain for this guy. First of all I've been to 5 sessions and I think the guy is my best mate. In my first session I told him I thought I was narsasistic but he said I wasn't. I told him I see myself as special and I tend to go for groups of friends that see me as the alpha male. My wife says I'm a drama queen, I fake my emotions because one minute I am really depressed and a few hours later I'm over excited. I've been told that I'm a womaniser and I'm embarrassing at parties because I chat women up, I have no interest in anything sexual though I just find myself flirting. I find when I'm with people I can't stop talking about myself and I can make things up to make myself look great. I find I start jobs and hobbies then before I know it I bored to death and want some other exciting thing to do.

I tend to see myself as James Bond but I'm probably seen by other people more as Austin powers. I can't stand it when I'm talking and someone ignores me. Sometimes I'll say "what?" Like I misheard them. I feel invisible if nobody acknowledges me. I've been accused of causing arguments to draw attention to myself. I always think that my employers should treat me differently to other employees because really the jobs below me. I find I can't stand being criticised in work and the feeling is overwhelming sometimes I have to fight tears back and other times I feel like screaming.

I told my therapist that I still feel like a little boy who isn't ready for this world. Then when asked how I see the world I said I see it as a really exciting place with loads to do, just that it seems a bit much for me at times and I tend to run away sometimes.

Just really interested to see if people with HPD relate to what I'm saying?

[Travelinglady]

Any histrionics have a response? (I don't know how many we have here, actually!)

Have you read about this personality disorder, say on an Internet site?

[Captainkeefy]

Hi, erm to be honest yes I have. I considered avoiding this question or lying and saying no but to be honest yeah I have, I need to be careful dont I?

[Captainkeefy]

I'm going to ask therapist for something constructive I could do when I'm feeling impulsive

[Captainkeefy]

I'll be honest, it's not just these things that made me wonder. It's also some painful stuff like my Dad left when I was about 3 and I never seen him again. My Mum was in and out of relationships with different guys. I used to spend a lot of time alone in my bedroom. My Mum would be overly praising towards me and idolize me then would snap at me for the smallest things and would hit me by the time I was about 10 I was punched in the face and kicked in the back.

Most of my childhood I was really lonely, to the point were it felt like irritating. I felt empty sometimes and had some quite depressive episodes sometimes. I remember being about 12 and getting praised for doing homework so well. So then I knuckled down and started doing really well and was getting loads of praise for it. Then it slowly stopped and I went off the rails and started hanging around with the wrong type of people. By 14 I was into smoking drugs and drinking and was getting myself into loads of trouble. I was influenced into some stupid stuff at this time. Like getting into a robbed car with some friends.

My adult life has been spent moving from job to job because I start them, work really hard to get praised and special treatment. Then after about a year I get bored and can't stand it. I've had loads of hobbies and fads but get bored really quick and pack them in. I've been diagnosed with depression about 4 times in ten years always based around hard times in my relationships.

I just feel that I'm really impulsive. Get bored so quick and change jobs, hobbies and stuff. I can't stand bored and routine. I'm always looking for exciting things to do. I cause arguments with my wife for attention and am constantly grooming for praise. I'm always looking in the mirror at myself. If I get praised I get elated really easy and when I get critised I can get really depressed or hurt and upset. Whenever I get ill it's the worst illness in the world. When I'm with people, whoever I'm with I think is my best friend but conversations are usually about me, my life and all the amazing things I've done (and over elaborated on) or whenever people talk to me I always have to be one over "I've got a new car." "Had a faster car." "Better illness." I think it all comes from insecurities and my abandonment issues. When I start a new job. I think I'm the best ever at the job. I could go on.

[joshuas-mommy]

Yeah, it sucks to work somewhere that you are over-qualified for. Just keep doing everything you need to at work and ask your boss if there is anything else that you can do. That way you will be "officially trained" with new job duties. Keep an eye out for any new job openings within the company and/or look around for something else.

[Captainkeefy]

I did all this in my last job. Did loads of different courses in different areas of the company. Then i turned all the lads against the senior operator who was up for promotion, all the time singing my own praises in the office and getting the management to think I was a golden boy. Then I got promoted, soon after the management started criticising me for the stuff the lads where doing. The lads doing the same about management. I blamed everyone telling everyone it was someone else's fault. Eventually I got the promotion taken off me and then just didn't pull my weight. I felt like I was the only one in the company putting the effort in then I got called in the office for a talk, although nothing bad was really said I felt I couldn't stay in the job and handed my notice of resignation. I've had 15 jobs in as many years and can't seem to hold one down, they all seem too much for me and I get fed up and leave. I always think there's more to my life than this. One thing I noticed is how I constantly made an effort with female clients and had them singing my praises to my boss. One building manager still keeps in touch with me and tells me how nice I was and how she misses me. I wouldn't say I encourage it but at the same time I don't play it down. I wouldn't doing anything outside my marriage but sometimes I do tend to get a little flirty and then panick when women give me the come on.

[Captainkeefy]

Hi all,

I met with a psychiatrist the other day. She said I'm not Histrionic or Narsassistic. She told me that I'm actually the opposite end of the scale to this, very self destructive and have a lot of internal anger.

[summeryoga]

Originally Posted by Captainkeefy

Hello everyone,

I'd like to know a little bit more about this Personality Disorder. ...
Just really interested to see if people with HPD relate to what I'm saying?

I haven't checked in to this forum in awhile because I've been doing so well with all things HPD-related, and it occurred to me, why not check in to see if I can in some way help someone else who has HPD? So here I am, and here I am replying.

Yes. Yes, I relate to almost all of what you describe. You do sound like me, and I am like you, and this is HPD, indeed. You are in the right place, from the sound of your description. I know it all. I know it all too well. Please feel free to send me an email at summeryoga@yahoo.com, in case I don't check back in here often enough.

I can say, though, that HPD is something that, though it stays with you all your life, has benefits - amazing, embrace-worthy benefits; you just have to learn to recognize the triggers that cause the difficult aspects of the disorder, and then learn to use the disorder for good, rather than drama and pain. I'm far from perfect with this (in fact, I'm just starting a cycle of HPD behaviors now - ugh -), but it can get better and be OK, even awesome, if "used" wisely.

Again, PM to my personal email for more info/q+a. Happy to help, despite my moments of weakness.

[summeryoga]

Originally Posted by Captainkeefy

Hi all,

I met with a psychiatrist the other day. She said I'm not Histrionic or Narsassistic. She told me that I'm actually the opposite end of the scale to this, very self destructive and have a lot of internal anger.

(HPD-ers can have a lot of internal anger ... just sayin')

[Captainkeefy]

Hi,

The Psychiatrist I spoke to said she was going to bring a diagnostic manual in so we could have a look at a diagnosis, I'm expecting her to say Borderline if anything but I can't help but look at Histrionic, the only part I don't really get is the using appearance to draw attention to myself but then I am male so it would be harder for me to do that. The one thing I would say though is I do tend to go for quite expensive clothing which makes me feel a better person, it lifts my self worth. Most of the rest I look at HPD wise I do see traits of. I noticed this in Therapy, I noticed how my therapist was getting me to shift through moods really quickly. I had tears in my eyes the next I'm laughing then back to tears.