Roll Call

Oh my god, okay, so I'm back again everyone. And I have a really nice story to share.

So I went for my second appointment at the clinic. And we reviewed my blood tests. And everything was a-ok, and apparently I have amazing cholesterol. And the doctor's like "Okay, everything looks good. I'll get your prescription ready and we have a pharmacy in the clinic."

And up until that point, getting hormones had only ever felt like an idea. Something that could happen. Could, might, maybe, unsure, almost, and then it actually happened. And it's really overwhelming, I'm not gonna lie. I started crying I was so happy, I'm still really emotional about it.

And they even gave me a lesson on how to give myself the injection. I got my first dose right there in the clinic. A very kind nurse sat with me, showed me the process, and was really encouraging when I got scared, because I am TERRIFIED of needles. And I was able to do it myself.

Let me tell you all, if you are seeking hormone replacement therapy, and it feels like this vague idea that might happen, it can happen. Tell yourself that it will happen. And that you'll make it happen. And when it does happen, it is really amazing and uplifting feeling. It's kind of overwhelming too, because it's just such a great feeling to know that the thing you've been working toward is finally happening.

And lemme tell ya, taking care of the body you have now will pay off. Even if you have dysphoria, and you hate the body you currently reside in, take care of it. That will make transitioning all the more easy. Like I said, the doctor told me my kidneys, liver, and cholesterol were in great shape. And when you're getting ready for hormones, those are important things to have in good health. He said he was very confident in prescribing me the hormones.

This is a really rambly and disjointed post and I'm really tired typing this. But I need to get all these feelings out because omighod I never thought this day would ACTUALLY HAPPEN.

It's like a dream. It's so wonderful and I think I'm gonna cry again.

Thank you for sharing this Seamster! I'm really happy for you!

! ______ + + _____ !

Hey,

Sheesh, I think I need to add a *trigger warning* to this one for sui ideation, si and alcohol. Sigh.



I had another very emotional talk with my husband yesterday. HRT means he will leave me. It's the first time he said it so clearly, so all hope I had (faint as it was) was crushed. So now, here I am. I can't do it. I cannot face life without him. But I also cannot face a life as a "woman".

I cut myself, then started writing my sui notes, and somehow that snapped me out of "it". Had a glass of gin after not eating all day. The fact that I never drink helps with intoxication and I'm hoping for dreamless sleep later on.

Sorry for rambling. I figured better to the forum than to my t.

Oh, Kraken... I'm so sorry... I have some sense of how devastating this must be for you. My wife has never said this to me. However she did say it to my former T, when she met with her one time. And my T relayed the demarcation back to me. So I also got the message. My wife will put up with a certain amount of this "funny-business". But there's a limit & anything that would constitute a move toward actual transition is out of the question.

I think I have made my peace with this. There's really no choice other than to break up our marriage; something I'm not prepared to do. But sometimes... I think I can't possibly stand all of this another minute. I guess the good thing is that I'm getting old now so I probably don't have that many years left to worry about it.

I pray that, in some way, you can also find some way make peace with the situation you are in... or perhaps find the strength to forge ahead despite the collateral damage. I know this is so difficult... : hug:

Hey, kraken, I'm so sorry. I am so sorry.

I'm not so good with relationship stuff.

But I wanna remind you that your happiness is important.

I don't know what your relationship with your husband is like beyond this forum. So I can't claim to know him. But I know how crushing a loved one's rejection can feel.

I lost some very close friends, as an aromantic they're my only relationships outside my family. One of my longest and deepest friendships was severed partly because of my plan to transition. My friend made increasingly uncomfortable remarks to me and I finally had to break it off.

I'm kinda just rambling. I'm not so good at comfort with words either

I really wish I could like give you a hug or something...

Please stay strong. And I hope you can get through this okay...

Thank you Skeezyks and Seamster. Your words help a lot.

Thank you!

Hugs to all...

We need to revive this thread I'll start:

Been doing OK the past two months. I have made really good progress with my therapist and I feel a lot more stable and have stopped SIing. He has agreed to continue working with me and he will write me The Letter (for hrt) when the time has come.

My husband and I are still together. Sadly, I am convinced that he will still divorce me if I start my transition. So I'm bracing myself for this.

kinda stumbling into my transition, ive got my first binder and have been wearing it more and more. i wore it out to go for a walk around the neighborhood and i was just terrified of someone yelling at me or something. i dont even know why, its not like ive been confronted like that by strangers before. and its all i could think about and i was having trouble breathing, probably cause i dont go for walks much anymore and it was kinda hot outside. after getting home and taking my binder off, my back and ribs hurt so bad for the rest of the night. i dunno it just really scared me and now im miserable cause i gotta give myself a break from binding at work bc im still hurting.

to kraken: I'm glad you've been doing better. I'm sorry that you still have to prepare for the possibility your husband may divorce you if u transition. I hope we can be here for you no matter what!

to Freelancefletcher: You may need to ease into binding bit by bit. Also make sure your binder is a proper size. Ribs and back hurting are to be expected, but make sure youvread your body. know when to rest. You got this!

whoa i haven't been on this site for ages, and a lot of stuff's happened since then.

I'm out to my parents, rest of family, friends and everyone at school. And everyone's reacted really well? I haven't had a single negative reaction.

Got my name changed on the register at school (although people still occasionally use my birth name), and I've briefly discussed transitioning with my mum.

It's all so great, and my dysphoria's not been bad at all lately! It's so relieving to be able to present in a masculine way and be correctly gendered. Just... yeah, everything's going fine right now, and i am so relieved.

Ha, that's awesome, Anthony!

Aw yeah! You go Anthony! Love seein some positive things goin down. Good to know you're doing well! *high fives*

Didn't know where else to place this article, since, to me, there's not a discussion, just a supportive article. (Need to go beyond the title, as it's a sarcastic play on words...)

http://valleypatriot.com/a-republica...gay-ol-valley/

You Know Those Common Objections to 'They' Pronouns? Here Are 9 Simple Facts to Shut Them Down ? Everyday Feminism

A lovely and helpful article from everday feminism for all of those who use pronouns other than "he" or "she", and how to deal with those who may deny your pronouns. While it mainly focuses on singular "they", the author touches on other pronouns as well, and they make sure to offer some nice supportive words.

Mreeeeeh. Gotta love when your family reverts back to using the wrong pronouns. :/
Is it really so hard to swap? I meaaan???!! Bluh. I've been feelin kinda sick lately, I think I may be working too much.

Hows everyone else doin?

Made my self look more feminine when I visited my mom. Wasn't in the mood to hear comments about my dress style. And I definitely wouldn't wear, say, my polo shirt.

Not sure how I felt about it. In any case I went back to my usual style and got consistently read as male by strangers. Although opening my mouth tends to ruin things.

I live in a society where gender roles are quite defined, and you cannot avoid referring to gender in conversations. It's literally impossible.

Aren, that sucks so much about the pronouns, I'm sorry!

Bark, very cool you're getting read as male! It never happens to me. Too many years of estrogen raging in my body I suppose .

I'm doing OK. Went to a pride parade in the neighboring town on Saturday. It was kind of nice, but I was the only guy in the group, pre-hrt at that, and it made me feel a bit lonely. Weird when you think about it. Plus all the cameras freaked me out a bit. But overall it was a good experience.

Gone abroad for the summer. Somewhere where queer folk are much more accepted.

I went to a queer youth meeting. Awesome stuff. Still working on finding myself.

Being pretty consistently read as male unless it's someone that knows me or I'm being introduced or I say my birth name. Now I'm starting to be confronted by bathrooms. My legal name. What it means to 'act' male. I'm not talking macho stereotypes, but just routine behaviour. You don't know what might happen if you're found not to possess certain parts. And as a guy, you've got to worry about other guys and watching your back. Two guys at the bus stop were telling me how dangerous that area can get, guys getting stabbed and all. It's kind of overwhelming, like I'm resocializing myself. And I have to remember that if I'm read as a guy I'll be treated differently by both guys and girls.

It sounds like you are exploring/learning a lot (about yourself, about others) -- that's great! Please stay safe!

I have only read a few of the pages of this thread, but I am overwhelmed. Overwhelmed in a good way.

I cannot get over the amount of support and experience and sharing that can be found here.

in just this 1 thread.

I think each and every forum should have a thread like this.

I'm at a real low right now. It's just been really hard gender-wise lately because everyone keeps assuming they know me better than I know me.

On top of that I have a friend who I love dearly that keeps making me really uncomfortable by always bringing up sexual questions with me. And normally I'm pretty cool discussing stuff like that once in awhile, but he always brings it up. I've told him how it makes me feel and he said he'd stop, but he hasnt.

And I feel really lonely. Like something is missing from my life. I just feel really empty and gross right now.

Sorry to be kinda heavy in this post.

Hey Aren, I'm sorry things aren't great at the moment. Other people can be a real pain. How can it be so difficult for him to understand and accept where your boundaries are? Did you bring this up with him ... Again?
Hugs

I have a friend who talks about sexual things with me like that. Asks me what I wear etc. I just ignore it and talk about the other things we might have been discussing. If he doesn't stop then I bring up another topic. If he still doesn't talk then he gets ignored. Usually he learns by the second option.