Roll Call

It could be hurting your back for a few reasons.
1) The binder has binding material on your back as well as your chest. How is your binder made? Where is the elastic-y part?
2) You may need to build up how much you use it. Like for an hour, then two, then more.
3) Your posture may be poor and it's straightening your back out (not overly likely but I've seen it before)
4) You may need to stretch a bit before wearing it. Your back may be stiff.
5) It might be too small. Unlikely, because you probably sized it out fine. But you never know. Might just wanna consider it just in case.

1: It only has binding material at the front I think. It's the tri-top one from underworks, so it reaches just to the bottom of my ribcage.
2: Yes this is probably a good idea. I only wore it for an hour the day I got it, but I ended up it for 6 hours yesterday. I guess I'll only bind when I'm going out for a short amount of time.
3: My posture might be quite bad? I always slump forward when I walk or sit down so that could be it.
4: I'll try to remember this (along with kraken's advice - thanks). I don't want to break any ribs or anything
5: Fairly sure it's the right size, since on the measurements I was between small and medium, and I went for the medium, so I don't think I need large.

Just realised I'm taking up this thread talking about myself, so how's everyone doing? Anything cool happen in the last week?

i just want to be able to see myself in the mirror and be happy with my reflection some day.

The person I see in the mirror, it's me, but it's not me.

Sounds like it's been rough.

But you'll get there! I'm sure you will! If you need anyone to vent to or talk to, we're here for you.

Too exhausted to even rant.

Maybe I'll vent here when I feel a little better.

Well, we'll be right here waiting for you

So I ordered an underworks binder at last. (I've been getting crappy amazon ones for awhile now :P) AND GOOD GRACIOUS IT IS A WHOLE NEW WORLD. It fits so nice on my back and omigosh my chest has never been flatter. Also, for you trans feminine lovelies here on the forum, underworks also does femme shape-wear. The whole site is just shape-wear and I LOVE IT. AAAH!

Here's a link if anyone's interested. It's split binary male and female, but it's still a pretty great site if your looking for quality stuff. Men's Compression & Women's Shapewear: Girdles,Maternity,Post-Surgery | Underworks - Underworks

W00t

How do I care for this body of mine when I don't really feel like it's my body?

Yet i know that this will always be my body, I can't have a different body, I can only make changes to it. I gotta be patient, but I don't see any sign of things getting better.

Half the time, I feel like I'm just an actor playing a role, like I'm stuck playing a guy's role in some sitcom because that is what the director (life) wants me to play. If this is the best it gets for me, I don't know if it's worth living.

One way to look at this, Brokenentity, might be that this is your perspective viewing your life from your current circumstance. But, what if you were fully able to live life in the way you would most like to? How might you feel then? Of course, the answer is: you don't know... you can't because you're not there. But, since you're here (living), is it not worth the effort to find out? This is the question you must ask yourself... & the one only you can answer for yourself.

What if you made a list of all the things in your life that you'd like to be able to do, your bucket list so to speak. Then take: "live life as my true self" & put it at the very top of the list in capitol letters, italicized! This is the "A", number 1, absolutely most important item on the list. Until you accomplish this one, the rest just don't matter. Then structure your life accordingly. What might that be like?

I wrote a response, yesterday evening, to another PC member's post related to transitioning. I recalled a statement I read, many years ago, in a magazine for writers. In essence it went: a writer writes because s/he has to... because to not write would constitute a denial of the very essence of who s/he is... In some sense, perhaps something similar could be said about any situation involving living as one's true self: a person makes some life-altering change in her / his life because s/he has no other choice. To not do so would constitute a denial of the very essence of who s/he is. It would be a sort of living death itself.

Perhaps the reality of your situation is that you're just not there yet. 'Perhaps you're still holding out hope that something will happen & all-of-a-sudden, everything will be fine Just as it is. It is possible for one to live one's entire life this way. (Look at me!) However, living this way is not pretty & I wouldn't recommend it. Still, it's your choice. But you do have to make it... or choose not to make it & instead just stumble along from one day to the next praying for the end to arrive as soon as possible. That's the road I took. And, again, I wouldn't recommend it...

Okay, so tomorrow I leave for Chicago to go for my first appointment for HRT. I'M SO NERVOUS.

I've never been good with doctor's offices, but hopefully I'll be okay. I got my two besties goin with me. So hopefully I don't freak out.

Good luck, TheSeamster. Hope it all goes well

Good luck!

I met a friend yesterday and she works at a Catholic all girls school. I had been pondering for a while how to come out to her. I hoped she would be accepting, but I worried about her worrying about me (sorry, not sure this makes sense). So yesterday she suddenly mentioned that they have two transguys at her school and the school is supportive of them (a girls' school mind you). Say whaaaaa?
She was telling me about how one of the guys had problems with his parents, because they initially didn't agree to him changing his name at school -- and my heart really dropped at that. It really affected me a lot, so I decided to come out to her on the spot to explain why I cared about this topic so much. Her reaction was great -- and what she told me about the school really gave me hope that somehow some day trans* youth will get all the support they need.. I'm really impressed with how open-minded the school appears to be.

Okay so I'm back from Chicago and have another appointment next week! OH BOY! It was really relaxed at the clinic, and the doctor basically was like

"Well do you have a history of depression or anxiety" and I was honest and told him how I struggled through school with it, but have recovered and coped better since graduating. "Any history of illness in your family?" My mom has multiple schlorosis and my dad is diabetic. "Do you smoke, drink, or do any drugs" Nope. "And how much do you know about masculinizing hormone therapy?" A LOOOOT. LIKE HALF MY TIME IN SCHOOL WAS RESEARCHING THAT. "All right, well I'll get you the consent forms and we'll do some labs. I'll see you back here in a week, we'll review the forms and look at your labs. And we should be able to go over the medication then."

It was so easy and felt like any other doctor's visit. I was really happy, and felt so normal and natural there. It was so new to me. It was almost like a dream! So I go back in a week to see the doctor again and that's all!

Yay, very happy for you!

_____ _____

Seamster!!!! AWESOME!!! So happy for you!

Hi my name is Jamie am married to a man that i love
he is supportive and understanding
I was born female but am Gender Queer i have no kids
most of the time i dress female but there are times am male and sometimes am in the middle

I have a few mental health problems so i dont work my partner is also my full time carer as my mental health is bad most of the time
My partner also has depression and he use to self injure but has stopped for about a year

I go to an LGBT group on a Monday night i feel i can be myself there and not worry about what other people think
any way thats me

Welcome, Jamie

Hi Jamie! Welcome to the board!

Jamie21

Hi Jamie! Welcome, it's good to see you here!

Thank you all for welcoming me