Cis needing advice re pronouns

Hi
I've started a new thread as I understand I don't really have a place reading other people's threads. I'd really value people's advice and direction. I'm a support worker in three different social support/mental health settings.

The pronoun and similar advice for use with people of trans and non binary genders and sexualities in our training is, I think, outdated and seems to contradict itself. I hope I understand that it's really important to address anyone in the way which they choose. Can someone fill me in on pronouns and terms, so I can be sure not to offend anyone that I work with?
Thanks so much

i am not completely sure. i think the safest way is to ask their preference.

however what i wanted to let you know is that it is perfectly ok to go back and read other peoples posts. there are no rules against it. these are public forums and they are meant to be read. so you can use the search box above and see if this question has been answered previously.

Hello Red75: From my perspective as an older trans person, I would concur with what Kaliope wrote. The best thing is to ask the person what their preferences are. The thing is that terms & pronouns change. Also, different individuals have different preferences & different understandings of what is & isn't appropriate. I think the fact that you're sensitive enough to the concern that you'd ask will itself ensure that you won't be seen as offending.

Thank you for asking!!
Yup, asking what a person prefers works well if it isn't obvious as it's going to be different for everyone. Usually how a person presents is how they identify, but there are people for whom that is not so.

Trans and especially Transgender are pretty safe terms to use for anyone in the spectrum. Transsexual can be good, uncomfortable or sometimes inaccurate depending on the person. Tranny, he-she, she-male and any others that are similar are no good. Basically stick to trans or transgender if you need to use the terms. But for the most part, just treat any transwoman like a girl or woman or any transman like a man or guy and non-binaries like any person and you are good to go! That's kind of what I've gathered, anyway. Someone else might have other suggestions.

Hello Red,

Thank you for asking here!

Basically, what everyone else said! It is always safest to ask in a quiet moment. The other safe option is to simply use the first name a person gave. It my sound a bit odd at first, but like that you can be certain to get it right.

You very welcome to read here and ask questions! We've had a few incidents where we felt a cisgendered person blamed us for making things unnecessarily complicated when it comes to language (such a mine field!). But normally we're fun to be with

The best step is a simple, "What pronouns do you prefer?" or "What are your preferred pronouns?"

A big thing language wise, is to steer clear of gendered language in speaking with groups. Saying things like "Ladies and Gentlemen" or "Boys and girls" can be really exclusive of non-binary and genderqueer people.

Also this goes without saying but steer clear of any slurs too. The "T" slur being a big one there. But also avoid saying things like "genderspecials" or "gendertrenders" or "gender-benders."

Communication is a big thing in knowing what transgender and non-binary people need from you. Know that there is a wide spectrum of pronouns. Some are very specific to the person, as gender is a very personal experience that varies among people.

The most common non-binary or genderqueer pronouns you will hear will probably be "ze/zem/zer", "they/them/their", and "xe/xym/xyr". And make sure to defend a persons pronouns should they be challenged by another person.

If someone misgenders a trans person you are working with, and they are openly trans/non-binary/genderqueer, help them socially transition and make sure everyone uses that persons preferred pronouns. And on the other hand, if they are not openly trans, do not out them to anyone. Know the person you're working with. Communicate and know their needs above all. That's the best thing you can do. Give them respect, comfort, reassurance, and if necessary, space.

Please, please don't say that someone is "biologically female" or was "born male" or "female sex but nonbinary gender" unless they describe themselves that way. This isn't a really obvious thing, but that kind of language is used a lot to undermine trans peoples' genders and imply that you're not *really* your gender.

Yes, that's a good point!

Instead, you can refer to the "gender assigned at birth" if necessary to refer to this at all.

YES! This is a really big thing. Afab (Assigned Female At Birth) and Amab (Assigned Male at birth) are how they will usually refer to their assigned sex.

Also do not forget Aiab (Assigned Intersex At Birth) and intersex people in general. They are very much out there in the world and working. They suffer the least amount of visibility in the trans community, seeing as we usually think of people as amab or afab.

On top of that, many trans people have begun apposing the strict sex dichotomy (obviously, with the existence of intersex people). Seeing as every individual human may or may not fit within strict sex definitions. So we say 'assigned' or 'decided' at birth. Because you know, the person who the doctors assigned a sex to had no ability to decide on their own at the time.

This has been so helpful, thanks all!