[TheSeamster]

We've all felt it. That sort of click when we find something that perfectly encapsulates how we feel about our gender. And then later we find a term that fits even better. So you tell people, and they immediately pipe up with "Well I thought your gender was this now! You can't just keep switching!" To which I say Haha! Oh friend how little you know! See the true essence of gender!

Recently I've found I much prefer the term demiboy. As it fits me very well. I like masculine or neutral pronouns, and I would prefer looking more like a boy that anything else, while still maintaining some of my feminine side.

As I began exploring my gender, I've found that as you keep going, you'll find a more specific or less specific term to define yourself with. Or maybe you'll create something all your own.

Gender is a personal experience and everyone is different. Not every trans girl is a shining star of femininity. Some like to look more masculine, but they are still girls. And the term girl is what suits them best.

Some people are more broad in their sense of gender and use something more like an umbrella term, like "genderqueer".

Or their gender is in a state of flux at most times, so they're genderfluid. Or maybe they find that rather than fluidly moving through the spectrum, they go between two genders, so they find they are bigender.

The way it went for me was like this. I started off thinking maybe I was just a trans boy. At the time, it was me thinking I was an extremely gay trans boy, as I very much found men asthetically attractive. But as time moved on I found that 'boy' just didn't quite fit who I was. So I found 'genderqueer' to be a more accurate label. Around that time I also found out I was definately an aroace. So the label changed as I found out more about myself and explored who I was in that sense.

Now, as it stands, I'm still very much aroace. But I found 'demiboy' to be a much better word for the gender I experience.

I'm not indecisive. It's not me changing my mind on my gender over and over. It's just me exploring who I am and what I want from life and how I want others to see me and how I see myself.

So never let someone tell you that you can't change your mind. Your gender is yours and yours alone. And it's up to you to discover and explore it for yourself. You do it for you. No one else.

(Side note)
Golly that was a lot more text than I had planned! This was really just supposed to be a little inspiration bit for anyone feelin' down and look at it now! Heehee.

[kraken1851]

Thank you Words of wisdom!

This is excellent, Seamster! It really contributed to my perspective with regard to gender fluidity. I think there's a book idea lurking within this Thread. If you have any writerly aspirations, I think this could be a good topic.

[bronzeowl]

Really good post. This is my first time ever hearing the term demiboy. I still prefer to just say that I'm a transman/transboy (I use both interchangeably, and sometimes use transmale, although I feel that's not a 'correct' term given that sex and gender aren't the same thing) as that's just the term I feel most identified with. However, I do maintain some of my feminine traits, and I don't try to suppress them. I accept that I was socialized as a female/girl, and therefore it is natural for me to maintain some traits that were socialized into me that would not have been socialized into a cismale. I understand, though, that some people who identify as trans may not embrace these traits. And will either not have them at all due to refusing to during the learning process, or choose to suppress them. (For much of my life, I did the latter)

I prefer male pronouns, I prefer being seen as a boy (albeit feminine at times - here's the kicker, so are some cisboys! their identity is never questioned, why should mine be?), and I do not at all like when lesbians or straight men show interest in pursuing me (as it often makes me feel uncomfortable about my identity). But I do still wear tight fighting shirts sometimes. Occasionally, I even wear dresses. I like Frozen, and I twirl my hair around my fingers at times. These things are not inherently 'woman' things, but many would consider them feminine due to socialization. That's what makes gender fun to me. The fact that it is, largely, socialization (as well as genetics and environment, of course).

I like the term demiboy. I probably won't use it for myself, but knowing there is a term for how I feel is great. I'm glad you found it. This is more text than I intended, too lol I just get so passionate about the topic of gender and sociology.

I've always had to maintain an awareness of how I'm "acting", so that I let as few feminine traits slip through my male façade as possible. But, of course, one can't catch everything.

One morning I was brushing my teeth in the bathroom. As it happened, I had my left hand positioned on my waist, thumb to the front & fingers to the back. (Try it... you'll see what I mean.) My wife came in, looked at me, & commented: "That's a nice position..." I put my arm down.

Another time I had just arrived at work & was sitting in my pick-up truck in the parking lot. As it happened the owner of the company I worked for, & one of his brothers, walked by on their way to the office building. They looked my direction & (stupid me) I gave them a kind of a limp-wristed wave! I then got out of my vehicle & headed into the building as well. As I caught up to them, the brother mimicked my limp-wristed wave & laughed: "What's this?" I just smiled & kept on walking.

Cis-men have a strict code they must adhere to in order not to be suspected of being weird or gay or effeminate. It is like the rules of fugue... a pathway between two concrete walls. Step out of line once, & you can be suspect for a long time to come. Some just never quite measure up. As hard as I've worked to stay on the path, it didn't matter. I kept scraping up against those concrete walls. I never was, nor will I ever be, free of suspicion. One of the good things about getting old is, I no longer care... too much...