Why "Passing" is kind of a gross word

(Trigger warning for slur mentions and dysphoria)

I like talking a lot on here. I feel like I'm actually communicating with people.

Am I the only one who thinks "passing" is a gross word?

I mean I've met people on tumblr who feel the same. But like out in other places I hear it a lot, and I can't help but think it's a gross word that's more hurtful than we think.

Language is and always will be a big part of any movement. And in the case of the trans rights movement, it's everything.

We are not "biologically male" or "biologcially female", because that denies who we are and how we see ourselves. No we are "assigned male/female/intersex at birth". Because, if you think about it, some doctor you've probably never met decided your sex. Because at some point the human race decided (for the most part) that there were only two sexes and intersex people needed surgical "intervention" or "correction" for them to ever be happy.

Or words like tr*nny. A term that makes most of us flinch or want to vomit. Is still a trending word that people use against us. Even within the LGBTQA+ community. (most notably by cis gay men).

Words are important. And there's one we really need to kick. Passing.

Now, on it's own and by definition, I can see why we use it. It's to know if you look like a boy/girl/genderqueer/nonbinary and will appear that way in public. And that's cool.

But, the implications the word comes with are more harmful. It implies deception, that we aren't who we say we are, that we're trying to fool cis people. And that's the problem. We're not. We ARE the gender we present as and say we are. To say we are only "passing" as that gender is to imply we are NOT that gender.

This is especially dangerous to trans women, as they are often the targets of hate crimes by cis people who say they were "lied to" or "tricked" by trans women.

I'm not "passing" when I put on my binder and t-shirts to hide my breasts, I'm just getting ready for the day. I do it for me and my dysphoria. Not for cis people. Not to "fool" or "trick" people. But for me.

We don't want there to be that constant doubt that you don't "pass" for a girl. Or "pass" for a boy. Or "pass" as nonbinary. You ARE a girl. You ARE a boy. And you ARE nonbinary.

We don't "Pass" we ARE.

I understand the use of it. But when it's in an environment with cis people, use it carefully and know its implications.

And remember that even if you don't "pass" it doesn't mean your gender identity isn't valid.

Golly I talk a lot. Someone take my keyboard from me.

yes. too tired to offer additional thoughts, but yes. **** cis standards of what a man or woman should look like. ever trans man looks like a man. every trans woman looks like a woman. period.

Passing is a bs binary construct that is usually used against maab trans people. I am glad I am not the only one who feels this way, I always found it to be a ridiculous standard that only exists to exclude people who don't have passing privilege. Which is the majority of trans/nb people.

I see things a little differently. People saying that we're "lying" when we pass seems to be a cisgender thing to put trans people down. When I "pass" I "pass" as who I am. People are finally seeing me for who I really am. No lying here. I don't believe in the binary but I fit in it. I am a man and I want to be seen as such no questions asked. That's who I am. I'm "passing" as male just as much as any cis male might pass as male. I don't think it's a bad thing. It eases my social dysphoria just as much as binding or packing eases my body dysphoria. The majority of other people have no business in knowing my medical background and by not disclosing doesn't mean I'm lying. I'm a man and people seeing me as such is not lying.

If people don't like the term passing, well, that's fine. To each their own. But it's a legitimate term that's important to a lot of people. It's not about deception. There are cases where it IS deception, but we're talking about overall, in general, not specific cases.

I do understand that some people may never fully pass. They might never even try to. They should absolutely be seen as the gender they present/identify with no questions asked. And some people WANT to be open about their trans status and that's a perfectly legitimate way of living too. I respect both situations. This is a very personal thing to each individual and should be seen as such.

I do agree with the fact that we are who we say we are and that should be respected. Just saying there are may ways of living and they're not all bad.

Btw I hope I make sense and all. I'm unbelievably exhausted from side effects of my current meds.

Thanks. I know i wrote good post at the op, but since then ive been waffling. I want gender not to matter at all, but i think to some people it does.

Very well put.

It is a legitimate and important term to some people. It's very much a case by case basis. It all depends on the person and whether they're okay with it or not.

Thanks for posting this. I would enjoy writing a reply if I felt better. But I'm getting sick (again!) So I'll just say: "Good posting!"