not belonging anywhere

so i joined this site hoping id find somewhere to fit in. im a nonbinary trans boy. i have NO interest in masculinity bc of its inherent violence and it makes me generally uncomfortable, so i dont want to be a man in any sense. this confuses and outrages a lot of trans guys ive tried to be friends with bc they think masculinity is key to being a guy, or at least transitioning/passing. i feel like i often dont fit in with binary trans ppl bc im nonbinary, and i dont fit in with cis ppl cause i cant easily explain my identity.

ive started using it/its pronouns since they/them didnt sound right to me, but some ppl refuse to call me by my new pronouns bc "they dont like them". im tired of having to change bits of my identity to make my transness more acceptable to everyone.

i love makeup and "womens" clothes, so ill never pass as male, and im not interested in giving up that stuff in order to pass. i shouldnt have to give up part of myself to be seen as male. im just so lost. im worried that even within a trans community, no one understands me.

Hi FreelancerFLetcher. So glad you joined the Psych Central (PC) community. I have felt it is a safe and nurturing environment. Hope you feel comfortable here too. Even people that may not know exactly what you feel and believe can accept you for who you are. That acceptance is what makes PC unique.

Many people who are actively involved in Psych Central find it helps take them out of their own problems to develop empathy for others. And their problems though still there are more manageable.

There are lots of compassionate people here that can make the load lighter by sharing and caring. Feel free to participate actively at Psych Central. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

Hey there! Welcome to the transgender/nonbinary board!

I know how you feel. But I wanna tell you that you don't need to give up anything to live as who you are! People, even those in trans communities have a hatd time seperatong gender expression and gender identity.

I'm a trans-masculine demiboy, i'm nonbinary as well. And I love feminine things! In fact I didnt like them until I began started transitioning.

And pronouns are always a pain to get others to accept .-.
I use they pronouns and its a struggle to get people to use them. But we're all here for u! Welcome to rhe board! I hope we can help support u!

I'm sorry you've had such a hard time :/ It's funny how people who you'd expect to get it, don't. And really sucks and can be hurtful. You're definitely welcome here! However you present or identify is all up to you and that's awesome!!! Feel free to come here and rant or vent or just talk about whatever is on your mind.

wow i didnt think id get this many responses to my first post on here. im happy that ive picked such an active nice community. thanks to all of yall who have offered your help on this.

I can actually relate to you a lot.

I'm a transboy, and while I don't identify as nonbinary... I do believe that the gender binary is a load of dog turds. I believe that society's overemphasis on masculinity and femininity for boys and girls is just utterly ridiculous. It encourages aggressiveness in men, and passivity in women, and then society wonders why we have so many problems.

I identify as male, but I also realize that I was assigned female at birth... and therefore I was raised female. I was raised in a time when parents didn't generally allow their trans children to present as the gender they identify most with. (This was just two decades ago, crazy how times change) Now, I see kids being raised as the gender they identify with... and I get a bit jealous, but I also feel happy for them. However, that happiness aside, because I was raised female... I have some traits that are typically considered feminine.

When I bought into the masculinity/femininity thing (the binary), I tried to conceal them. I had a butch friend in middle/high school who even shamed me ("boys aren't supposed to like those things" she'd say). Now, I realize it's perfectly fine. I don't wear dresses or makeup or anything, but I love Frozen, and I have a few dolls that I'd never let go of. Some of my mannerisms are "feminine" because that's just how I was taught to behave. Other mannerisms are masculine, though. My mom once pointed out how I "walk like a boy". I don't knwo what that means, but apparently I do.

I have trouble fitting in with transguys sometimes, too. Many of them feel they have to be 100% masculine all the time, and I can understand that. I remember when I was a vegetarian, getting hassled constantly by cismen ... being told that "men eat meat!" (while they beat their chest, of course) and it irritated me. I had cismale friends who didn't eat meat, and their identity was never questioned because of it. Transmen and transwomen alike are put to higher standards. If we're not 100% masculine or 100% feminine all the time, we are put under a microscope and our identity is questioned. It isn't fair, but it explains why so many transmen and transwomen feel they have to be. If they're not, they're doubted.

I am trying hard to ignore the doubters. It isn't easy. But I understand where you're coming from. You're not alone.

Welcome to the community.