[ArtsySkeleton]

So.. Recently, as I see how some of my trans friends act and progress, I don't feel trans enough. This might seem ridiculous or stupid, but I'm genderfluid and my chest size and body shape don't allow me to wear masculine clothes or bind comfortably on my male days, and I'm a bit too chubby to pass as androgynous. I could never pass as anything but female, body wise. So I wear a lot of normal tees and jeans on any gender day. It's gotten me into this hole where, because I don't "look" or "act" trans, no one even bothers to ask my gender that day, or call me by my preferred name. I feel kind of left out. It's like I want to be in the loop where my friends call me by my preferred name and gender, but I feel like every time I try I get veto'd and they continue as if nothing happened.

Does anyone else have this problem? Because I'm a bit stuck.

[healingme4me]

Sounds frustrating. Why would your friends veto you, though?

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[ArtsySkeleton]

I'm not sure. I think because I can't pass.. People just forget or don't think I'm serious about it, and just continue to call me by my birth name and other pronouns.

Trans enough? I always thought you was or you weren't. I finally acknowledged all this after a many of years of trying to become what society says I'm suppose to be just recent like.

I'm mtf but look like a gorilla, but I'm trying to lose weight and trim up. I'm not physically feminine because I built houses, or used too. But I am a woman stuck in a man's body, my mind says that...my feel says that....my thinking says that...

I don't dress up in dresses or skirts but I do wear lighter colored clothes and outfits. I guess you can say my mannerism reflects femininity.

It's not all about looks, but more about feel, attitude, thinking, swag,... Sure looks would be great, but I've been screwed since the day I was born so I'm kinda used to it now 47 years later...

I've seen more females that act more male than some/most males that its obvious, which is fine.

As far as your friend goes, just ignore their silliness and work on you. Do you have a male role model? One of several? Growing up male I had to learn to be male by having a few idols that I can pick and choose what I like from. A gesture here, a gesture there, a walk, a like....and so on. I think all males do, but I REALLY needed one because abuse was my childhood.

I think once you can make a personal statement and make it stick, then you'll do just fine. You can't change people, but you sure can change yourself.

I don't know if that helps and hopes that it don't hurt. People hurt....sometimes we just can't let them get to us.

[TheSeamster]

Unfortunately we live in a culture that has very narrow standards for androgyny and masculinity. which sucks if your either very small and petite or big and curvy. I kinda have the opposite problem you do, everyone usually mistakes me for a small girl.

No matter what, you are "trans enough".

There's no scale on transness. Just identifying the way you do is enough.

[starryprince]

Hey Artsyskeleton! I am sorry you feel that way. "Trans enough" does not exist but, unfortunately, society thinks it does. Trans individuals have to prove themselves constantly just to be taken seriously, and that shouldn't be the case. Being able to pass can help a transperson feel more comfortable with themselves, but the way other people see us may be totally different. For example, I look the mirror and see a nonbinary person. Not a woman, not a man, but just a person. However, just this week someone told me that I am feminine and that made me quite upset because that is not how I want to present. I am still trying to figure out how to deal with this.

I think that it's rude that people do not ask you for your preferred pronouns. It does not matter how you present or what you look like. They should be asking for your preferred pronouns and names regardless, so I would speak up about that. But I am very sorry you're going through this. I wish you all the best!

[spondiferous]

It doesn't help that the only trans guys that get any kind of 'good press' or publicity are the model-y types, the porn stars, the guys who managed to transition and look like the Hollywood stereotype. I think there's an illusion that being trans and transitioning automatically gives a person a sense of belonging (for lack of a better way to put it); I have found it to be the opposite. I am in so much the same boat as you. I have just come to the realization that I am a trans guy - not genderqueer, not neutral, not androgynous, though I've always felt baseline neutral or androgynous - but I too definitely have the body of a woman: very large breasts, very curvy, and I'm fat to boot. So it's like...nope. I have no idea what I'm going to do when I start getting clothes for my gender. Binding is so not even an option for me, and any kind of surgery will be out of the question for at least several years.

If you want some support I'm here for you. Maybe we can share what we find works and what doesn't. Feel free to PM/add me if you want.