[-jimi-]

You guys think this should be scratched and a free for all?

I do, because it would feel safer KNOWING cis people do appear here. Now they appear when they should not while I'm in the mindset that I am "safe"... and then I am not.

Also the same... why not let men post in the female forum and the opposite? Why are they allowed to be safe when we are not??

Grr.

[Rand.]

Can you expand on your thoughts about safety?

I do think cisgendered people should feel okay to post here if they know someone who is trans or questioning. If they are looking for advice to support or understand their friend or loved one, it makes sense that they could post here. Alternatively, if, for example, a mom of a trans kid who is supportive feels she can give some support to someone here by offering her perspective, that could be really helpful to some. Basically, if there is a reasonable and legitimate support-based reason, I don't see why not. And we have had a few come here for that, which is pretty cool.

[-jimi-]

It says on the forum who the forum is for. That is not respected.

I simply like to KNOW what to expect. I enter the forum with a different mindset if I know it is a free for all. It's the same if you go to an all female forum, you have the mindset you're all ladies there. I go in here thinking we're all trans/non binary or what have you. Having cis people here when it clearly says it is not allowed is like being female in an all female forum and theres some guys there and you're not sure who is who.

I don't mind so much cis people being here, but I wonder what types of people they are, needing to break rules getting in here. I feel unsafe with rule breakers. I think if they break that rule they might as well get nasty and break others. Entering against the rules is disrespectful.

Maybe I'm just paranoid, but it is VERY hard being trans as it is. The world is really dangerous at times for us. Do I need to watch my tongue the same in here or am I safe?

Originally Posted by -jimi-

It says on the forum who the forum is for. That is not respected.

I simply like to KNOW what to expect. I enter the forum with a different mindset if I know it is a free for all. It's the same if you go to an all female forum, you have the mindset you're all ladies there. I go in here thinking we're all trans/non binary or what have you. Having cis people here when it clearly says it is not allowed is like being female in an all female forum and theres some guys there and you're not sure who is who.

I don't mind so much cis people being here, but I wonder what types of people they are, needing to break rules getting in here. I feel unsafe with rule breakers. I think if they break that rule they might as well get nasty and break others. Entering against the rules is disrespectful.

Maybe I'm just paranoid, but it is VERY hard being trans as it is. The world is really dangerous at times for us. Do I need to watch my tongue the same in here or am I safe?

You are totally safe sweety. I wish you didn't feel so paranoid. Who in there sick mind would even want to pretend to be like trans, or gay, or even in some where between? I personally find it totally exhausting to being me...so eff them. Or me I think?

I so wish that I possibly even can....one day or three..

[-jimi-]

They are not pretending. They come in as their normal cis selves. Especially I am afraid of one particular person that hasn't been here much but her tone is so horrid and patronizing I get all unsettled. I have her blocked but that doesn't do a heck of a lot for the times I'm on Tapatalk and see glimpses before turning my eyes away.

GAG PUKE.

[Bolivar83]

I'm sorry you are feeling unsafe in this forum.... disclosure: I identify as gender-neutral/androgynous, am bisexual, and have transgender loved ones.

I know, that almost sounds like the equivalent of, "...I have [insert race/gender/sexual preference here] friends" therefore i get some kind of pass. I get what you are saying - how would posters feel about men interacting in Women-only forum, perhaps feeling like this is some kind of vicarious tourism for cis-gendered persons....

[-jimi-]

It's exactly like men in the womens' section.

The way I read the rules you can be here because you identify as neutral. I understand the other part is important too, but I think this forum was made for "us" only and not "plus friends and family", because it can be quite scary to handle someone who is not understanding (now you strike me as understanding), talking and questioning family members that are trans.

I don't see anywhere where anyone qualifies for this section because they know someone.

I don't say this out of meanness or anything. I'm just a messed up person with weird fears.

[spondiferous]

disclosure: non-binary gender (currently gender fluid), pansexual.

-jimi-, i agree. it's hard enough to find safe spaces for trans and non binary folks (and those questioning therein) to be. i'm not sure what could be done about it here. i don't think there's a way to make entry into the thread moderated but at the same time i don't think it should be a free for all, so to speak. i think the best thing to keep doing is reporting and blocking. these people show up everywhere. as long as there is hate in the world they will find a way.

in no way do i think you're messed up or that your fears are 'weird'. this stuff actually happens to trans, non binary and questioning folks and not only is there an almost complete lack of understanding and awareness in the cis community, but there is a lot of anger, hatred and ill will directed at trans, non binary and questioning folks that is completely intentional and often goes overlooked.

what else could we do to make this a safer space? are there other safer spaces we could create?

also there are plenty of resources for people supporting trans, non-binary and questioning people. i think one of the biggest problems in any marginalized/oppressed community is that we are often expected to 'teach' others how to be, and sometimes that's fine when there's a space for that to happen and people who are willing to do that work but at the same time there definitely needs to be members-only spaces. this one states who it is for and if that's not respected, that's not okay.

[Bark]

I created a social group that is invite-only. I'm going to invite the folks on this thread to it and then you all can invite other people to it.

I figure that's the safest we can get on PsychCentral.

[bronzeowl]

If people know someone who is trans/non-binary/gender non-conforming... couldn't they ask for "advice" or understanding elsewhere? The sexuality & gender board, or the relationships board? Either of those could be a go to. Men have women in their lives, and may sometimes want advice in regards to their wives, sisters, mothers, etc... but I wouldn't expect them to go to the women board to ask for it. No. I'd expect them to go to the relationship one. Why are we any different just because we're trans?

Maybe I'm cynical, or maybe I'm just sick to death of having to explain myself, but I feel like treating this board differently than we do the men and women boards only encourages people to keep thinking we are different, and that we should be treated as such. I have to explain myself constantly offline. Just recently I was told by my brother and his girlfriend that one of my fiance's old friends (she's an old one now, now that he knows what she said) was talking about me behind my back. Wondering how a trans person could be pregnant, how I could be with a man, etc etc. This same person had expected me to "explain myself" back in November of 2015. I refused, so it's no wonder she would talk about me like that. Things like that, though, are why I'd rather not be expected to explain myself even here.

Are cis people allowed to be curious? Sure. Should they expect us to answer every single question they have? Um. No. That's what Google is for. There are only so many times we can explain pronouns, sex vs gender, sexuality vs gender, etc before it just becomes emotionally and mentally exhausting.

Originally Posted by bronzeowl

If people know someone who is trans/non-binary/gender non-conforming... couldn't they ask for "advice" or understanding elsewhere? The sexuality & gender board, or the relationships board? Either of those could be a go to. Men have women in their lives, and may sometimes want advice in regards to their wives, sisters, mothers, etc... but I wouldn't expect them to go to the women board to ask for it. No. I'd expect them to go to the relationship one. Why are we any different just because we're trans?

Maybe I'm cynical, or maybe I'm just sick to death of having to explain myself, but I feel like treating this board differently than we do the men and women boards only encourages people to keep thinking we are different, and that we should be treated as such. I have to explain myself constantly offline. Just recently I was told by my brother and his girlfriend that one of my fiance's old friends (she's an old one now, now that he knows what she said) was talking about me behind my back. Wondering how a trans person could be pregnant, how I could be with a man, etc etc. This same person had expected me to "explain myself" back in November of 2015. I refused, so it's no wonder she would talk about me like that. Things like that, though, are why I'd rather not be expected to explain myself even here.

Are cis people allowed to be curious? Sure. Should they expect us to answer every single question they have? Um. No. That's what Google is for. There are only so many times we can explain pronouns, sex vs gender, sexuality vs gender, etc before it just becomes emotionally and mentally exhausting.

I'm with you on that one: Having to explain yourself all the time. Id rather hand them a card with a link on it.

I've gone through the DID thing trying to explain Psych 202 to an ignorant crowd that don't get it anyways.

Its okay to ask questions, but its even better to educate ones self instead of the instant gratifcation of ask and answer- it can be tolerated only so many times. The internet has become more informative, but it has made people lazy.

I respect the women's forum because even though I'm fem, the body is male and we don't have womanly issues. Besides, the guys are not into it.

[-jimi-]

This part of the forum is for any "third" gender. Cis people are not allowed posting here just like women are not allowed in the men's section. It is just that rules are not ENFORCED here because PER USUAL no one but OURSELVES will stand up for ourselves. In real life laws fail to apply to our situation when they should, likewise forum rules somehow fail to apply to here.

Because... we're still seen as freaks to be looked at and laughed at.

I don't visit the men's or women's forum because of respect. Maybe we need a bigger sign on our door...

[Bark]

You have a point. I don't visit the Men's or the Women's forums. Neither feel like they apply to me.

Maybe a sticky at the top?

[growlycat]

What are your thoughts on cis people who are questioning? Or cis people who need advice on helping a loved one with sexuality issues, to do right by the people we love and not hurt them by being unintentionally clumsy?