I think I am genderfluid.

For a few years been calling myself gender fluid as it felt it fits with my gender description so I thought but perhaps I am unsure each time I feel masculine I debate maybe I am trans ftm but though I doubt it at the same time I don't see myself on T as I don't want to be hairy but the thought of an angular face feel right to me and flat chested. There are times I don't mind haviing breasts some days but Most the time I don't want breasts they feel impractical always felt this way since the day I started growing them and the memory of my mother buying me bras she wanted me to have beautiful bra I felt guilty but I just preferred sports bras as they compress my breasts. Not sure if too much information but I am unsure if I have no gender or both I think maybe both most the time. Only time wear feminine things is very rare I felt the need to in a day and half the day I feel weird wearing the dress I had on and I end up changing it how I feel the end of the day. This probably doesn't make sense but I have no one irl to talk about genderfluid or trans who is genderfluid or trans, even if I did I fear I offend, I hope I am not now.

I identify as genderfluid. It took me a long time to decide if that was the right term and honestly, for a lot of my life I didn't know that there was a word for how I feel. I've actually been using an app (Daylio - free from google play store, hopefully it's ok to specify a product) to track my changing perceptions of my gender and it's been helpful if only to understand myself better. My therapist wanted me to track my moods and the app also asks for one thing you did that day, but it's customizable so it works out easily.

I feel very much like you do from your description. For several days in a row I will feel that I have no gender or am neutral. It seems to coincide with days when I am more depressed although I don't know if it's a symptom or a cause. During that time I hate all expression of gender in myself and loathe my body.

Then for a few days I will feel masculine and wonder what was wrong with me that I felt no gender before. I am unhappy with my body and desperately want it to have male parts and not female ones. I annoy myself because my gestures are socialized to be more female than male. At these times I wonder if I am trans and contemplate making physical changes such as hormones and surgery. I am most happy/least depressed at these times.

Then some days (fewer) I feel female and suddenly find myself liking feminine clothes (feminine-ish, I never go full on girly) and watching nail art tutorials and things like that. I can in no way understand how I could have felt masculine or neutral in previous days. I want my body and gestures to be more feminine. I have more anxiety in these times but little less depression.

I think that I feel androgynous too at rare times although it's very close to neutral in some ways. Maybe it's a happier version of the same thing. I am more at peace with my body at these times. It's not what I want but I can live with it. Neither masculine or feminine clothes bother me. I am myself and I don't care so much about labels.

If I have to wear the wrong clothes or makeup (which is a maybe a cowardly thing to do but conflict is VERY difficult for me so sometimes I take the easy way out), I feel like I'm wearing a Halloween costume and it makes me both sad and irritable. I feel like I'm lying to the people around me and kind of betraying who I am. Sometimes I can just ignore my hormonal cycles and sometimes the conflict makes me absolutely miserable.

I get a lot of negativity from several close family members and pressure, including buying me clothes that I hate, to be more feminine. They think I have lousy self esteem. I do, but that's both a symptom of gender conflict and a few childhood issues.

I feel pretty much the same as you guys.

For most of my life, I had been neutral or masculine, and had dressed accordingly for the most part. I started dressing more effeminate when I started dating a guy since he seemed to like it. And I was ok with it sometimes...but there are times I'm distinctly male.

I also feel it's odd that even if I dress masculine, I look very effeminate, but I have a very masculine personality (even if I look very effeminate, which is confusing). Even my boyfriend considers me a copy of his male best friend in a female body and that I would get along with and relate to men a lot easier than women. He does know about my gender identity and seems to accept and understand it surprisingly.

I think being on hormonal birth control made it easier to just be mostly female but it never quite felt like I was the right gender. Now on non-hormonal birth control, I feel like the right gender, but then I have more dysphoria because I'm more "male" than "female".

I don't know...I just hate calling myself a "woman"...it feels wrong...I'm somewhere in between. Sure my sex organs are female, so I'm physically female, but calling myself a "woman" implies gender as well I feel. Does anyone else feel like that?

I think I'd feel better about my gender if I could just have some guy friends and be considered one of the guys, at least on some level...but I could be wrong.

Anyway, you're certainly not the only person that considers themselves to be gender fluid on here.