Hello :c new member!

Hello, my life was getting pretty rough So I decided to make an account here :c

this place sounds very nice! I already made a thread and people responded nicely!

I have a pretty awful depression, I love programming, but sadly I haven't wrote anything in a year!
I also have anxiety disorder and OCD. I think of suicide everyday but I'm too much of a coward.

It hasn't been confirmed from a doctor but I think I have ADHD too! (I mean I meet literally every single one of the symptoms.) and also asper's syndrome (that sounds like a lifestyle to me not an illness!)

something that I'm not very accepting of and feel kind of ashamed of is well gender dysphoria . But hey this is an internet forum and nobody will know who I am!

Hello Alchemy: By the look of it, you're already pretty-well established here on PC. However, since this appears to be sort-of your introductory post, I'll say... welcome to PsychCentral… (or should I make that: "welcome to the Transgender Forum"...) from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

I skimmed a few of your previous posts & I noticed in one of them you wrote that you plan to stay in the closet permanently. So I'll just mention that I've been in the closet for SO many years, I wouldn't know how to live anywhere else. I did poke my head out one time a few years back. But it turned out no one wanted to hear anything about it. So I went back in & closed the door. That was the end of it. It's kind-of cramped in here. But, after all of these years, it's familiar. I wish you well...

Thanks

I just keep watching stuff like or and it makes me feel bad. did you dysphoria go away? why did you go back in the closet, did you transition ? if you don't mind me asking, I was planning on telling my therapist if he promises to not tell anyone else.

it's really silly. I'm the kind of person who only cares about mental side of things and not physical. yet I can't forget about dysphoria

Well... I took a quick look at the two vid's you posted links for (didn't actually watch them.) But I can certainly imagine how watching that sort of thing could make a person who struggles with gender dysphoria feel bad! I have some thoughts with regard to this. But I won't get into that here simply due to length-of-post considerations. (If you wanted to correspond further about this, you could personal message me.)

I'm an older person now... really old! But I've struggled with gender dysphoria (MtF) since before I even have any reliable memories as a child. But way back when I was young, the terms transgender & transsexual hadn't even been coined yet. The internet didn't exist. And, at least where I grew up, people simply didn't talk about anything related to sex. And gender was simple. You were either a boy or you were a girl. And if you didn't happen to fall neatly into one of those categories, you darned well kept it to yourself if you knew what was good for you! So I just grew up hiding feeling weird & sort-of smutty. And as time went on, it just became sort-of a habit.

No, my gender dysphoria has never gone away. As has sometimes been said: if you're truly trans, you're trans for life. It never goes away. At this point in my life, I'd say it's no longer the "compulsion" it used to be. But all I have to do is scratch the surface, so to speak, & it's right there. No, I never transitioned. I've lived a more-or-less "normal" male life. But it has been difficult.

I've also pretty-much always also struggled with depression & major anxiety issues. In fact, I don't know if being transgender caused me to develop depression & anxiety, or if my gender dysphoria was simply one component of a broader mental illness that also included depression & anxiety. It all simply goes too far back into my childhood for it to ever be sorted out. I went back into the closet, following my one effort to poke my head out, because realistically it was too late to do anything about it & it was just easier to resume the façade than it would have been to come out of the closet any further.

I do think it would be great if you could talk with your therapist about your gender concerns. Perhaps it may be different for you. But, for me, this has been a huge obstacle in my life I have never actually been able to get past.

Thanks! I'm really socially shy and scared. I'm even in closet about my depression and OCD because of all the stigma!

But I personally hate stigma and think it's nust stupid. We're all humans! And don't have a desire to harm anyone.

So I'm gonna ask my father to take me to the therapy again. I can't believe I'm doing this.

I really feel like I have no other choice. I'm getting worse really quickly. A few days ago I never imagined I would cut myself but now my legs and arms are all wounded(I stopped btw.)

And thanks a lot!! Your answer really helped!

I haven't even told my father I have Depression I told him to take me for my OCD!!

I'm glad I registered ^_^

You have nothing to be ashamed of, our culture teaches us there is only one way to be, but that's just not true and never has been true.

Stigmas about mental illness ARE stupid. I've had several people say remarkably ignorant things to me and I've lost friends over it because I came to a place where I wasn't willing to tolerate their put downs, intentional or not. I've also lost people who felt that I was "too negative" instead of being able to deal with me being depressed. My life is richer now that I have been able to surround myself with a few people who are willing to at least try to understand and give me the space to work on my problems.

I've got scars too and most people don't know about them. I don't talk about my gender or body dysphoria, not even with my therapist. For now it's something I'm working out on my own, mostly because I have more immediate and paralyzing problems like depression and anxiety. Unless you have a plan to harm yourself or someone else, your therapist is ethically not allowed to talk about what you say without your permission.

I've had the dysphoria nearly all my life and I've hidden it and been in denial about it most of my life. The body dysphoria is still just as bad but the gender dysphoria is getting better as I learn to accept it and figure out how to, and how much to, express it.

The most important thing is to take care of yourself and get the help you need to be ok. Taking the first step to talk to a therapist takes courage. Asking for help takes courage. Be proud of yourself for getting that far even if you feel driven to it. I hope your father is supportive! If it seems like he is, try to talk to him at least about the depression.

yeah it's stupid :c stigma is a terrible thing. but I still can't help it.

It's really hard but I think I'm gonna tell him about my gender dysphoria. I've yet to meet a person who told me it doesn't gets worse when you get older! And I'm seeing the prophecy has come true until now! I'm only 17. I'm hoping that would help me :c. If I do get hormones or anything I have to do it in secret. I would have to buy them myself too! it's scary. I have never even left the house alone... ever..... I'm a coward in everything