[MotownJohnny]

I had testicular torsion when I was 12 1/2, so since before puberty I have only had one testicle. This has always bothered me, even though I know intellectually it is a redundant system in the first place for this very sort of reason.

And, I am not even dating at this time, I'm definitely past the age when I would even consider fatherhood even if so many other things in my life weren't also telling me no way. So, the rational side of me has always said why do I even worry about it? It would be like sitting and worrying about the next earthquake in China or something else completely removed from my life.

But, emotionally, I have always wanted to know, to just be sure I could father a child if I wanted to.

Is that dumb? Would I look like the world's biggest *** if I actually contacted a fertility specialist and told them what I just wrote here about the situation? And, if by some weird fluke there were an issue, I know I would use that as another excuse to bash myself as worthless, and I struggle with that daily already, so that would be bad.

What do you guys think?

[Webgoji]

Not weird at all. If you ever want to have kids it would be nice to know. Also, when you get a girlfriend it would also be nice to know if something happens (heck, my youngest son was conceived while I was using a condom and my wife was using a diaphragm).

As far as being worthless if your sperm count is a little low, I would offer that it doesn't make you any less of a man. Heck, when I got my vasectomy (my sperm count is 0) it was like taking the dog off the rope since my wife and I didn't have to take precautions any more. How you treat others is what helps define you as a man, not your ability to over-procreate.

[MotownJohnny]

I know, but the entire concept of masculinity is a big issue in my life. I don't know if you have seen some of my other posts; for background, my creepy-*** father was a disturbed cross-dresser who used to constantly berate my masculinity as boy/young man. Which was extremely ironic, kind of like a raging alcoholic lecturing about sobriety while in the middle of downing a fifth of Stoli or Jose Cuervo. So, I am sensitive about it. I never questioned my orientation, I never had any desire to follow in his footsteps, the thought makes me want to puke, in fact, I have to wear a full-length compression stocking right now for a few weeks because I had vascular surgery, and that is triggering, it looks like women's hose and I have to steel myself to put it on. I like feeling like an ordinary guy, I like how I look now in a muscle shirt or swimming trunks since I lost weight and work out and have a physique. And years of that subliminal mind-**** left me insecure. Add in the medical history, and, well, I guess it's understandable. I would just like to know that my boys could get the job done in the highly unlikely chance it were a remote possibility. Given that I am a mess and frankly have mostly been attracted to women my own age or older, the odds are about the same as winning the $300 million lotto.

[Webgoji]

I've seen a couple of your posts and I have to agree, you certainly drew the short stick when it comes to positive role models.

Again, it's not weird to want to get a sperm count considering your past medical history. Just to be confident that, as you said, you're boys could get the job done if needed.

(Oh, and your chances of needing them are far better than the lotto. Trust me, if a troll like me can get married then you can find someone too.)

[MotownJohnny]

Well, it would be a little weird doing it in a cup and having to hand it over to a nurse or technician. Hope if I do that it's a male nurse.

[DocClyde]

I don't think it's weird if it's what you want to do.

But don't let it minimize you as a person or as a man. A man is not a sperm count.

[MotownJohnny]

Actually, that would be the only danger/down side - more fuel for the fire of my sense of worthlessness and self-hatred if there was a problem.

[DocClyde]

I guess you just have to weigh then, how much you want to know vs. how much you think it would bother you if it was not the answer you would not want to hear.