This part of me is something I'm beginning to really hate!!! Wouldn't it be so nice that anyone else in the world would not have an affect on us? At times I really feel like shutting everyone out and dealing with the short conversations I like so much. When involved it is extremely hard to stay whats expected. To understand others emotions and be able to soothe or help or whatever the f@$& they need. I see so much more simple, I don't need to be told by someone else it will be ok my emotions are if my own, to deal with on my own as it is only me who can really help me. Family is a joke, basically it's because of our families why we turned out this way. Then move on to create your own, I am now being told that I make her life miserable. Should I cry? Act shocked ? Maybe I can just really act like the way others want in times of need for them.... NOT happening at least not that I can see. I become so frustrated and then just want to lash out and make her hurt. Is this fair, is it the wAys I want? I don't think so but it's who I am, what I know and is not fake!!! Other family has recently called me to sit down and talk. Work through exhausting issues and so on. My response was I will not cut you out but I will never be the same as I do know this is who I am. Do something to me, use my own things against me and I'm done, easy as that. I will be better by remaining around them but not more than that. I do this for myself, to show a better side with not a care on what they think, feel or whatever. At times I wish I was on my own island, I am a social person when wanted or needed but at the same time I'm perfectly on with sitting around the table while all others are engaged in conversation and not pay any mind to their talks. I am ok sitting on my own with my own self. I learned this from a child and does this make me not the same? I don't fall into the fake bs that others do for being polite or accepted or whatever the reason is.
I have much anger towards certain people, now sone that I thought would never happen but it is. I can't stop it nor change it, I maybe should just accept who I am now and continue the ways I know. Is this what I'm searching for? To be better? To be fake it seems more and more. I have gotten by for well over 30 years with what I am, is it really that bad? Maybe for some people around me but for me it always worked. Before becoming aware this never phased me as it was perfectly normal to me. Anyway I needed to write, write something that my mind is locked in on at the moment. Hate is really consuming me, I feel that people need to understand me more than I need to understand them. I'm so sick of it all, the people, the thoughts, the games just everything!!! Had to write for me and here is where I decided to do so.

[DangG]

and you did very well

in some ways I feel the same although Ive only became aware of my narc traits 1 month ago.
after a lot of toughs I really wonder what the better way is. Continue being (and eventually becoming better) narc, or to sacrifice myself to a non life of unwanted environments and try to become 'better at life?

[ihatedepechemode]

Gradually is the best. Do it at your own pace, what you feel comfortable with

Originally Posted by ihatedepechemode

Gradually is the best. Do it at your own pace, what you feel comfortable with

My above post is a perfect example of my mind at work and the differences we go through with this gift!!!

[DangG]

Originally Posted by ihatedepechemode

Gradually is the best. Do it at your own pace, what you feel comfortable with

In some way my best comfort zone is my narc ways, to explain it I will quote Bri-twenty-two form PF, in regards to my social isolation and lack of interest, she pm'd me this:

"Yes I do tell you to be depressed and don't surround yourself with anyone. You need a looong time to figure out what happened to you, and what point did your life change into the monsters we've become. Narcs don't like to be alone and that's another reason you need to do it, you need to know how to be your own supply, make yourself happy and to lessen your dependence on people because this is what non's do actually.
I have no supplies at first it was hard...but now I'm adjusted to it, and talking to people even makes me nervous now. That doesn't sound like progress but before I would come up with games on how to get what I want. I don't do that now.

When I said we don't interact with people normally. Well we don't. How we talk to people, and associate them is unhealthy and abnormal. Thats why I recommend isolation until you get to a point where you think you can have a healthy relationship (whatever kind of relationship it could be).
Narcissism is a disease and almost like an addiction and it's hard to give up and sacrifice, the best you can do is make yourself as uncomfortable as possible. Your social skills SHOULD decrease, as ours are too...enhanced, we shouldn't be doing half the $#%^ we do. Yes it's counterproductive to narcissism, but it's better for your reality. "

This makes sense, but I dunno if its the way I should proceed.

[peacefulplace]

I think there can be a lot to be had to choose to recover.
And I think the friction you are experiencing is a great process you're going through, trying to be yourself and trying not to care what others think.
My last psychotherapist however, said that I'm not capable of dealing with my trauma, and advised I learn the skills to be able to, first.

[ihatedepechemode]

You have to deal with trauma before anything. But it will come when you're ready. Dont force it or you'll do more damage.