[shakespeare47]

I've had my business downtown in a storefront for almost 3 years, in a town of about 8000. I am proud to be a small business owner and talked about it to whoever I could. I was happy to get a contract worker to work for me 40 hours a week.

I got a big head about it and strutted around town, bragging about how good business was. The chamber of commerce was glad to have me at first, and encouraged me to talk about it at their Friday morning breakfasts.... I was also arrogant and very rude to a couple of bank employees for reasons that made sense to me at the time, but was really uncalled for. I feel embarrassed about the arrogance I showed, and am really trying to pull back a little and just be a regular guy again. It got so bad, that one of the local business owner's accused me of thinking of myself as the president. No one really bought it, and I was harassed and mocked almost from the beginning. The extra help had only planned on staying a year, so he's gone now, and it's back to just me. That part is really no big deal to me, but people see it as a setback... The business is going fine, but I struggle to deal with the backlash caused by my behaviors.

I know I'm getting what I deserve, but I also have a business to run, and a wife and child to support.

What I really want help with, is the questions that sound innocent, but when I reflect upon them further, I suspect I'm being baited.
It's also frustrating to find that I'm under close scrutiny (at least it feels like I am), and that some people let me know that they think I'm a joke.

Anyone else been there?

The one positive is that it's helped me to see the flaws with myself and my business and this situation has given me the opportunity to work on those.

[RRex]

It's never too late to apologize and mend fences.

[shakespeare47]

^has anyone had experience with apologizing in a situation like this? Honestly? I've tried to apologize for being rude before, and it didn't go over so well. For one thing, the other person felt worse, and attacked me.

[RRex]

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

^has anyone had experience with apologizing in a situation like this? Honestly? I've tried to apologize for being rude before, and it didn't go over so well. For one thing, the other person felt worse, and attacked me.

You're doing it wrong. You have to be sincere.

[shakespeare47]

^you're being presumptuous.
But, assuming you're right... and I've already proved I can't be sincere. Is it really worth it to take a chance that it won't turn out the same as last time?

[RRex]

Up to you. That's your particular cross to bear.

I used to be a narcissist. It took psychosis to break me of that habit.

Good luck.

[shakespeare47]

^ more assumptions... and then some assertions..

Can you make a case that anything you just posted is anything more than just your opinion?

For starters, I'd like to know why you believe you are no longer a narcissist.

[RRex]

To begin with, unlike you, I no longer think I'm the center of the universe.

I'm flawed, ugly, fat, not too bright. I used to think I was some kind of genius. It took psychosis to show me that I'm basically nothing - quite often wrong, not very attractive, average intelligence.

I'm not blind though.

Try to just be more humble around the people you have affected. Instead of apologizing change what their use to seeing and eventually people will see you other than the person they dislike. Probably would be a little difficult to walk up to someone and say sorry for your behavior, better to show change than ask to watch for it!!!

[shakespeare47]

Originally Posted by RRex

To begin with, unlike you, I no longer think I'm the center of the universe.

I'm flawed, ugly, fat, not too bright. I used to think I was some kind of genius. It took psychosis to show me that I'm basically nothing - quite often wrong, not very attractive, average intelligence.

I'm not blind though.

So, the cure for narcissism is to insult yourself in public?

You do raise some interesting points, though. In all honestly, 99% of the people in this town have no idea who I am. I still have people walk into my shop and say "how long have you been here?".

[RRex]

I tell the truth about myself. It's a matter of self-examination.

This thread isn't about me. It's about you burning all your bridges.

I'm sorry for you. You don't want to change. So why should people trust or like you? There's no reason to. You screwed yourself. Until you work on yourself, nothing will change for you.

[shakespeare47]

^You may be doing better, but you also make a lot of assumptions.

I've been told that people tend to see in others what they don't like to admit they see in themselves.

Do you have any comprehension about the possible reasons for my starting this thread?

and you may want to do a search and look through some of the threads I've started and replied to... Then come back and tell me what you think of me.

[shakespeare47]

Originally Posted by Underground

Try to just be more humble around the people you have affected. Instead of apologizing change what their use to seeing and eventually people will see you other than the person they dislike. Probably would be a little difficult to walk up to someone and say sorry for your behavior, better to show change than ask to watch for it!!!

Thanks Underground.. I'm working on it.

[Teacake]

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

Thanks Underground.. I'm working on it.

Trying to be humble just makes a narcissist obsequious. If he's a particularly undeveloped narcissist he will erupt in rage after obsequiousness fails to work for him.

Shakespeare has a lot of insight. Therapy will fix him. In the meantime there's no real point in comforting himself to try to approximate not-a-narcissist.

[shakespeare47]

Originally Posted by Teacake

Trying to be humble just makes a narcissist obsequious. If he's a particularly undeveloped narcissist he will erupt in rage after obsequiousness fails to work for him.

I've been there. I didn't know that that reaction was common in narcissists. How did you come across this insight?

I'm doing okay lately, by just being a regular person around the people who give me the most grief. I don't give them any reactions, and I try not to stand out in any way. I try to be boring around them. It's something of a mantra these days. Be boring, be boring. Nothing exciting going on... business as usual, thanks for asking.

[Teacake]

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

I've been there. I didn't know that that reaction was common in narcissists. How did you come across this insight?

I'm doing okay lately, by just being a regular person around the people who give me the most grief. I don't give them any reactions, and I try not to stand out in any way. I try to be boring around them. It's something of a mantra these days. Be boring, be boring. Nothing exciting going on... business as usual, thanks for asking.

I dated at obsequious narcissist in college. Later in life I knew another one who is capable of the most extraordinary self-abasement, and it makes him very angry.

Keeping your head down is OK, but mind that you don't become depressed being so boring and blase. I've done that, hiding unacceptable giftedness. Gifted traits and narcissistic traits overlap, and people hate the authentically superior with the same vengeance with which they hate the superiorious.

[shakespeare47]

I'm still working to discover where my gifted traits lie. I do have some ideas...

I do brag about myself, to myself. That's always helpful... and doesn't get me into trouble.

and I do impulsively and compulsively brag to others... and that gets me into trouble.

[Teacake]

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

I'm still working to discover where my gifted traits lie. I do have some ideas...

I do brag about myself, to myself. That's always helpful... and doesn't get me into trouble.

and I do impulsively and compulsively brag to others... and that gets me into trouble.

What do you mean by "bragging"? I think gifted people get in trouble just for daring to be gifted, like gay people get in trouble for being gay and black people for being black.

But maybe you brag. Brag for me so I can see If it offends me. I like bright people and I hate to see us crumple our feathers so the not so bright dont lynch us.

[Silent Void]

.....

[shakespeare47]

Originally Posted by Teacake

What do you mean by "bragging"? I think gifted people get in trouble just for daring to be gifted, like gay people get in trouble for being gay and black people for being black.

But maybe you brag. Brag for me so I can see If it offends me. I like bright people and I hate to see us crumple our feathers so the not so bright dont lynch us.

You asked for it!

Do you know what's wild? We moved here because we found a great house after looking around and different towns nearby, and then I found out that my mother's side of the family were some of the first settlers in this area. And, I found out that I'm a direct descendant of the brother of the third person to settle this town. I've done some research and found out that one of my ancestors (in the same line as above) is one of the founder's of Hartford, Connecticut, and that I can trace my ancestry through him back to the 1500's. All this is cool... but, really doesn't say much about me, does it? Except that perhaps I have some good genetics. maybe....

See this _____ here? I paid $1000 for it, and after doing a little work on it (perhaps taking me a day or 2), I could sell it for $2500-$3000. I have several other items like that. I buy undervalued items that are in need of some work, fix them up, and then sell them for a profit. I'm actually quite good at it. Sometimes I buy them on ebay when people sell them without knowing what they are... sometimes people sell them on ebay with crappy pictures, and because I'm good at what I do, I can spot the potential. I also have people coming into my shop with items to sell. I always treat them fairly.

I want to stay completely anonymous... but, I can tell you that I've won 2 contests because of my mechanical abilities. One of the contests was when I was going through my apprenticeship as a sheetmetal worker. We are taught to make ductwork from scratch, laying it out by hand, and then building it. There is also bookwork, drafting, and welding. I beat all of the other apprentices in my school (about 40 people, if I recall correctly), and went on to the regional. I did okay there, coming in 7th, out of 16. They have this competition every year, and I only won once... but, I did do very well in the class. I don't brag about this much, but I did let the other students in the class know I was happy to be going.... and got a big head about it. Some of the other students in the class didn't take kindly to this, and let me know in obvious, and not so obvious ways. The students that won in other years were much more laid-back about it.

I also went to another school and became the first person in the US to be able to submit their work to an international competition. I still think it's just a stupid fluke that I didn't win that competition.. But, because of the way the contest is run, I didn't lose, either. I was actually quite obnoxious in a competitive way with the other students at that school.... and paid for it in various ways.

I still love to type my name into google and see the announcement for that international competition. That is really...quite... satisfying.

[shakespeare47]

I could probably start a few other threads with titles like "so, I tried to take over a small sunday school class". "so, I tried to take over another sunday school class". "so, I tried to take over a singles group". "so, I tried to take over a small church". You'd think I would learn... lol.

But, that was a long time ago. I predominantly think of myself as a free-thinker, skeptic and atheist these days. with a smattering of humanism, to boot.

The topic of bragging, arrogance and NPD reminds me of Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory. Sheldon talks about how he was repeatedly teased and bullied when he was a kid.
Does anyone remember this conversation he had with his mother?
Mother: You've got to stop telling people that you're smarter than they are.
Sheldon: Why?
Mother: (loudly) Because People Don't Like It!

[shakespeare47]

Looking back at my life, I can say that I am good at some things.. but, because of my attitudes, and my arrogance, I turn people around me against me, and then they make life difficult for me. I find it irritating that people who are less gifted than I am succeed because they are more humble (or at least know how to pretend to be humble), and yet gain success because those around them want them to succeed and help them succeed.

[unaluna]

But - im guessing your parent(s) didnt notice you, or think much of your abilities, for some reason? That is, because of their defects or weakness, not yours. I think Teacake is right, therapy can help - it has helped me With the same issues.

[shakespeare47]

^My parents were so caught up with their own problems (some of their fights were of epic proportions) and parenting 5 children that they barely acknowledged my existence.

They wanted quiet kids who didn't bother them. They had enough problems to deal with, thank you very much.

[unaluna]

Exactly. I remember once when i was a teenager, my mother's sister told her she needed to pay more attention to me. I told her myself when i was in early grade school.

At least youve been able to get married and lead a pretty normal life. I was pretty clueless. Being on pc the last few years has helped me a lot too.