So...been on the NPD screening quiz so many times before, and always scored lower than "normal".

This time, I don't know whether I finally looked at things from another's point of view, or had some kind of out-of-mind experience or something (more objective), but after answering all the questions I scored a 22.

Also, I think I was thrown on previous occasions by the way the questions are asked, I realized just by not doing those things all the time/habitually, doesn't qualify me to say I don't, and if I were not so fat and had a great body, I'd probably be staring at myself in the mirror for half the day.

My dad is in all likelihood a narcissist. The teacher that bullied me at school was in all likelihood a narcissist.

I have autism and I interact better with objects and hobbies/obsessions than people. I like having alone time. I never feel like greeting my colleagues and making conversation when I walk into my "office-setting" in the morning, I just go straight to my office and get started on my PC. I hate the "How are you this morning?" thing. I feel sh--t, for the last few years already. I'm dead on the inside.

So, I am mostly on my own, which means I'm probably self-absorbed.

All my life, I've been rejected by people, other kids, older people, it never mattered. I had to find my own way in life, my own "crevice/cave" to inhabit and survive in. There was nobody who held my hand and said it was OK, those kids were nasty or whatever. Oh no, nothing was said to or for me, so it just became my own fault. I took the lumps and learned how to survive such incidents in the least painful and least-loss manner.

So, I guess it doesn't matter where it came from, narcissism - it's now part of me too.

Nobody wanted to love me, so I had no choice but to try give myself the love I so desperately want. Still, today, nobody wants to love me, so I try to love myself more and more.

But, seriously, what do you do when just nobody and I mean nobody finds you good enough for even a friendship? What do you do? How many more hours must I spend listening to them talking about themselves and feign interest in stuff I don't really care about? I guess I am a heartless monster that way, but, I'm truly just not interested in these banalities other "normal" people seem to care about so deeply.

I also realize everything I do is out of a bruised ego trying to heal, but it itself doesn't even realize just how large it is.

Everything I do, I do because I want to mean something. I want people to benefit from something I've done. I guess I want to be a hero, and then maybe people will love me, and I won't need to love myself so much anymore. Maybe they'll accept me better.

I also have to be the best at everything I do, and do the best I can possibly do, when I do it. There is no room for compromise and I'm willing to go way more than just the extra mile. Things aren't done till I feel they are as perfect as they can be.

I guess it doesn't matter how it came about, if you have NPD, you have it, even if it was caused by others early in life.

So...oh well, kinda forgot what I actually wanted to achieve with this thread, other than say it's probably time for me to face the facts that I have an inflated ego.

Welcome to the club man, I, myself, have similar issues only mine seem to be more extreme. What you're describing seems like covert narcissism which is what I have (not that there is anything wrong with it HAHA )

The fact of the matter is that the vast majority of humanity is little more than stupid monkeys compared to us. It is human nature to shun that in which you cannot possibly comprehend which is what most people do to us because their peanut sized brains are little more evolved than the chimpanzees that we evolved from.

All you can do in life is make the best of the hand that you were dealt in life. People are so quick to judge those with PDs be it NPD, ASPD, psychopathy, ect, yet they seem to forget how these personalities were made: by being deprived of a healthy childhood.

Oh and if you think that your score of 22 on the narcissistic personality inventory was bad, try being me and getting a 34 lol. Rest assured, you're in good hands and are not alone

P.S welcome to the dark side of PC! We have all of the cookies, the blackest coffee, and all of the most awesome people including ME!

Oh, and to offer you a solid piece of advice, us covert narcs (and us INTJ personality types for that manner) are best suited to make ourselves look the best that we can possibly be to everybody else so that people come flocking to us.

Getting one's online/professional image polished seems like the best bet along with getting your looks to where they attract people if possible (if not, making yourself sound like you have a lot to offer people in the terms of business or one's career helps too).

Also it might be wise to minimize one's lies to the outside world as too much lying can come back to bite you while making it difficult to let people close to you without being discovered so instead of outright lying, stick to over exaggerating accomplishments and being truthful about things about yourself that people may like (when applicable). Also, if you're not already confident in your social abilities, taking a course in charisma and/or poise and etiquette would work wonders making it easier for you to charm and influence people. Finally, taking a couple of courses in persuasive psychology would do wonders in helping an introvert become a better manipulator.

Finally, keeping most people at a distance is ideal as most people don't deserve trust and one's inner circle is best suited for the select few deserving people who come into your life.

It's a long journey for people like us to get the love and acceptance that we're entitled to in life, but I hope I have managed to help so far!

34? Damn, I'm jealous.

Yeah, eventually I guess I'll tackle my image issues. Let's face it, it's all people look at anyways. If I work on my image, I'll look like a million dollars, and there's no doubt I'll finally get the attention I crave.

This is what happens when a block of clay gets sent through the fire - it turns into a hard brick. For all those that thought it would destroy me, it didn't, just made me so much tougher.

I didn't ask for any of this. Others decided that they want to draw first blood for no reason at all, they threw the first blows at me, all unprovoked, and uncalled for. I was totally surprised at first, shocked, hurt, rattled, and slightly spaghetti-legged, but I'm getting back on my feet and then it's my turn. Are they ready? I don't think so! Then they mustn't be surprised if I take their heads off.

The only mistake they made was to leave me breathing!

Yup. As far as I'm concerned, anybody who cares more about somebody's image than they care about the person themselves deserves to be manipulated, controlled, and hurt.

Many might think that I'm cruel for talking like this, but I see it as survival; something that all organisms are programmed to do. Doing what I described is my form of survival and as far as I'm concerned, anybody who has a problem with it is too weak to be able to handle me and is thus, lower on the food chain than me and is therefore, not worth my time.

I have no hard feelings towards anybody and any damage that I do is nothing personal. I'm doing nothing more than what I was conditioned into doing at a young age: surviving via any means necessary.

You have accepted the truths already my friend..... Good work