Hi all,
As I am in such a festive mood I have decided to take a poll just to see how many other's feel as one who has been chosen as well. Do tell!! Feel free to elaborate...
Love,
Underground Claus

[leomama]

My partner tells me that all the time, in terms of him, he chose me. I think he was trying to use his borderline to appeal to my narcissism . Problem is I've been treated he hasn't so it just repels me... When religious people quote that scripture it sickens me. My ex used to quote that too, but he was a narcissist .

[Atypical_Disaster]

Underground, dearest, I am the one who chooses people. Stop being ridiculous.

[MountainRunner]

Chosen for what if I may ask? Forgive me, but as a newb here, I'm a bit lost

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by leomama

My partner tells me that all the time, in terms of him, he chose me. I think he was trying to use his borderline to appeal to my narcissism . Problem is I've been treated he hasn't so it just repels me... When religious people quote that scripture it sickens me. My ex used to quote that too, but he was a narcissist .

You are dxed with NPD and have a partner who has BPD? I am just curious, I have BPD and my boyfriend has NPD. My therapist said she had heard this was a good paring, because people with BPD have such an excess of emotions it doesn't scare people with NPD away. I've been really curious to find other people who are in BPD/NPD couples.

[CopperStar]

Originally Posted by DBTDiva

You are dxed with NPD and have a partner who has BPD? I am just curious, I have BPD and my boyfriend has NPD. My therapist said she had heard this was a good paring, because people with BPD have such an excess of emotions it doesn't scare people with NPD away. I've been really curious to find other people who are in BPD/NPD couples.

I wouldn't exactly call it a "good" pairing, but it is a common pairing because the dysfunctions of the two PDs feed into each other heavily.

The only way it can possibly be remotely therapeutic is if both partners are actually trying to change for the better.

A BPD tends to have a very aggressive, righteous judgement for others, and typically a BPD rage involves going for the throat about what an awful person you are (real or imagined, usually a fair combination of both). However, the BPD's deep fear of abandonment usually means that the BPD will still cling to you and try to mend the relationship, even after they have torn you a new one explaining what a demon you are.

For the NPD partner, this means that their "false self" shield is going to be systematically obliterated, yet they will also experience being accepted even after their true self is violently dragged out into the open. So in theory I guess this could potentially be somewhat healing for an NPD.

Then NPDs are the masters of playing "keep away" and mind games, which means that the BPD with their martyrdom complex is eventually going to be driven to that explosive point of actually declaring what they want, what they need, how they feel and what pisses them off. Even if it comes out in the form of lots of yelling and swearing with a couple implied suicide threats thrown in for good measure. But in most cases ultimately the BPD will be pushed to a point of getting in touch with their suppressed emotions (which will likely come exploding out in volcanic glory) and actually communicating their needs. So again, in theory, it could possibly be therapeutic for the BPD, as well.

However it would certainly be a seriously rough and messy and possibly even dangerous form of "therapy" for both parties. But to each their own, of course.

This is my personal perception based on my experience as someone with strong BPD tendencies who tends to attract NPD partners.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by DBTDiva

You are dxed with NPD and have a partner who has BPD? I am just curious, I have BPD and my boyfriend has NPD. My therapist said she had heard this was a good paring, because people with BPD have such an excess of emotions it doesn't scare people with NPD away. I've been really curious to find other people who are in BPD/NPD couples.

No. I was diagnosed with a nonspecific personality disorder and had narcissistic and borderline traits. My partner also has both but doesn't think he has a problem. Your insight is good though. I think on this particular issue I'm the one who was emotional and my partner was like a lizard. Very unpleasant . I think a bpd /npd couple if not treated is a bad idea.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by DBTDiva

You are dxed with NPD and have a partner who has BPD? I am just curious, I have BPD and my boyfriend has NPD. My therapist said she had heard this was a good paring, because people with BPD have such an excess of emotions it doesn't scare people with NPD away. I've been really curious to find other people who are in BPD/NPD couples.

If I'm in a room full of people if there's a borderline in the room they will find me and strike up a conversation. Something about me is very appealing to borderlines and I'm still figuring out all of why that is.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by CopperStar

I wouldn't exactly call it a "good" pairing, but it is a common pairing because the dysfunctions of the two PDs feed into each other heavily.

The only way it can possibly be remotely therapeutic is if both partners are actually trying to change for the better.

A BPD tends to have a very aggressive, righteous judgement for others, and typically a BPD rage involves going for the throat about what an awful person you are (real or imagined, usually a fair combination of both). However, the BPD's deep fear of abandonment usually means that the BPD will still cling to you and try to mend the relationship, even after they have torn you a new one explaining what a demon you are.

For the NPD partner, this means that their "false self" shield is going to be systematically obliterated, yet they will also experience being accepted even after their true self is violently dragged out into the open. So in theory I guess this could potentially be somewhat healing for an NPD.

Then NPDs are the masters of playing "keep away" and mind games, which means that the BPD with their martyrdom complex is eventually going to be driven to that explosive point of actually declaring what they want, what they need, how they feel and what pisses them off. Even if it comes out in the form of lots of yelling and swearing with a couple implied suicide threats thrown in for good measure. But in most cases ultimately the BPD will be pushed to a point of getting in touch with their suppressed emotions (which will likely come exploding out in volcanic glory) and actually communicating their needs. So again, in theory, it could possibly be therapeutic for the BPD, as well.

However it would certainly be a seriously rough and messy and possibly even dangerous form of "therapy" for both parties. But to each their own, of course.

This is my personal perception based on my experience as someone with strong BPD tendencies who tends to attract NPD partners.

I second this. It's a very bad idea without therapy. I've had therapy for my personality disorder. My partner has not. He's in denial about it.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

If I'm in a room full of people if there's a borderline in the room they will find me and strike up a conversation. Something about me is very appealing to borderlines and I'm still figuring out all of why that is.

I find borderlines very annoying these days so I'm assuming my narcissistic traits won out. I tend to piss borderlines off lately because I have no patience for their antics. I dealt with that stuff inside myself and I have no truck with their drama. If someone is in or has been in therapy then they have my ear. If not, forget it.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by leomama

I find borderlines very annoying these days so I'm assuming my narcissistic traits won out. I tend to piss borderlines off lately because I have no patience for their antics. I dealt with that stuff inside myself and I have no truck with their drama. If someone is in or has been in therapy then they have my ear. If not, forget it.

For me it really depends on the person because no two borderlines are alike. Though as a general rule, the untreated ones do annoy me greatly. The ones in treatment or who have had treatment I actually enjoy conversing with.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

For me it really depends on the person because no two borderlines are alike. Though as a general rule, the untreated ones do annoy me greatly. The ones in treatment or who have had treatment I actually enjoy conversing with.

Yes I have to agree there, it's the untreated ones that are obnoxious . The treated ones are fine.

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by CopperStar

I wouldn't exactly call it a "good" pairing, but it is a common pairing because the dysfunctions of the two PDs feed into each other heavily.

The only way it can possibly be remotely therapeutic is if both partners are actually trying to change for the better.

A BPD tends to have a very aggressive, righteous judgement for others, and typically a BPD rage involves going for the throat about what an awful person you are (real or imagined, usually a fair combination of both). However, the BPD's deep fear of abandonment usually means that the BPD will still cling to you and try to mend the relationship, even after they have torn you a new one explaining what a demon you are.

For the NPD partner, this means that their "false self" shield is going to be systematically obliterated, yet they will also experience being accepted even after their true self is violently dragged out into the open. So in theory I guess this could potentially be somewhat healing for an NPD.

Then NPDs are the masters of playing "keep away" and mind games, which means that the BPD with their martyrdom complex is eventually going to be driven to that explosive point of actually declaring what they want, what they need, how they feel and what pisses them off. Even if it comes out in the form of lots of yelling and swearing with a couple implied suicide threats thrown in for good measure. But in most cases ultimately the BPD will be pushed to a point of getting in touch with their suppressed emotions (which will likely come exploding out in volcanic glory) and actually communicating their needs. So again, in theory, it could possibly be therapeutic for the BPD, as well.

However it would certainly be a seriously rough and messy and possibly even dangerous form of "therapy" for both parties. But to each their own, of course.

This is my personal perception based on my experience as someone with strong BPD tendencies who tends to attract NPD partners.

Dang that was a great explanation of BPD, that's certain how I was at my worst. I have had partners I am fairly certain had NPD or at the least had traits, one maybe anti-social, hard to say. Those were definitely very messy relationships.

My current bf is the only one diagnosed as having NPD and I sometimes question that dx because his behavior is complete polar opposite of how he describes being in the past. I don't know if someone can change that much that quickly! I guess it is possible. We have both done a lot of work on ourselves and are still committed to growing as people and together so that helps quite a bit.

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by leomama

No. I was diagnosed with a nonspecific personality disorder and had narcissistic and borderline traits. My partner also has both but doesn't think he has a problem. Your insight is good though. I think on this particular issue I'm the one who was emotional and my partner was like a lizard. Very unpleasant . I think a bpd /npd couple if not treated is a bad idea.

Anything not treated is a bad idea! Especially when someone thinks they don't have a problem.

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

If I'm in a room full of people if there's a borderline in the room they will find me and strike up a conversation. Something about me is very appealing to borderlines and I'm still figuring out all of why that is.

My one ex who I'm convinced has NPD attracts EVERYONE. It's really odd to watch. People start questioning their sexuality because they're so attracted to her; it's ridiculous. I've watched it happen over and over. I think it's because she genuinely doesn't give a s*** what anyone thinks of her and it comes off as confidence. I think people with BPD tend to have low self-esteem, so that confidence, that idea that someone doesn't need others to like them/care about them/exist, it's so intriguing.

With my ex, I've spent a lot of time watching and trying to figure it out and my guess is that people feel so flattered when she pays attention to them, because she puts off that vibe of being so self-contained and not giving a d*** what anyone thinks of her, not needing anyone, that people feel so special that it's almost like a drug. I don't know if it's like that with all people with NPD, but I have no doubt she could rule the world if she decided that's what she wanted.

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster
For me it really depends on the person because no two borderlines are alike. Though as a general rule, the untreated ones do annoy me greatly. The ones in treatment or who have had treatment I actually enjoy conversing with.

Originally Posted by leomama

Yes I have to agree there, it's the untreated ones that are obnoxious . The treated ones are fine.

I'm sure we could say the same about narcissists Atypical_Disaster is one of my favorite people on PC.

[leomama]

Yes untreated narcissists are a pain , my dad is one.

[here today]

Originally Posted by MountainRunner

Chosen for what if I may ask? Forgive me, but as a newb here, I'm a bit lost

Underground and Atypical are just enjoying their egotism. Happens around here sometimes.

[leomama]

So are you saying when someone tells someone else they chose them that's their ego talking?

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by DBTDiva

My one ex who I'm convinced has NPD attracts EVERYONE. It's really odd to watch. People start questioning their sexuality because they're so attracted to her; it's ridiculous. I've watched it happen over and over. I think it's because she genuinely doesn't give a s*** what anyone thinks of her and it comes off as confidence. I think people with BPD tend to have low self-esteem, so that confidence, that idea that someone doesn't need others to like them/care about them/exist, it's so intriguing.

With my ex, I've spent a lot of time watching and trying to figure it out and my guess is that people feel so flattered when she pays attention to them, because she puts off that vibe of being so self-contained and not giving a d*** what anyone thinks of her, not needing anyone, that people feel so special that it's almost like a drug. I don't know if it's like that with all people with NPD, but I have no doubt she could rule the world if she decided that's what she wanted.

The part I bolded is how I am. Like that was an exact description of me. Everywhere I go I essentially wind up with a cult following of sorts. The thing about it being like a drug, that's just it... People seem to frankly get addicted to me, and that's not even my ego talking, it's reality.

Sometimes I say sarcastically that I could easily start a cult but frankly I don't know how unrealistic that truly is. I've seriously been around people who I wasn't intentionally trying to control and it seemed that anytime I said something that could be perceived as saying, "jump", people will ask, "how high?"

Originally Posted by DBTDiva

[/I]
I'm sure we could say the same about narcissists Atypical_Disaster is one of my favorite people on PC.

Lol, it's true. My family is full of untreated Narcissists, I would know.

I'm flattered, but it's only natural that I'm one of the favorites around here now isn't it?

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by here today

Underground and Atypical are just enjoying their egotism. Happens around here sometimes.

It's nice that Psych Central doesn't seem to mind Underground's or my antics. It's all in good fun.

[MountainRunner]

Originally Posted by here today

Underground and Atypical are just enjoying their egotism. Happens around here sometimes.

Ah...gotcha. If that's the case, my problem has been that I get chosen WAAAAY too much and haven't learned, up until recently, to say "no" to the "chooser".

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

The part I bolded is how I am. Like that was an exact description of me. Everywhere I go I essentially wind up with a cult following of sorts. The thing about it being like a drug, that's just it... People seem to frankly get addicted to me, and that's not even my ego talking, it's reality.

Sometimes I say sarcastically that I could easily start a cult but frankly I don't know how unrealistic that truly is. I've seriously been around people who I wasn't intentionally trying to control and it seemed that anytime I said something that could be perceived as saying, "jump", people will ask, "how high?"

Haha, I'd ask if you were her except I know she'd never be on a psychology message board! It's interesting to know that it happens with other people too. People don't believe me when I describe it to them, but people we worked with back when we met called her "the lesbian whisperer" because straight women who had never ever been attracted to a woman before all wanted to date her. It seems like it would get annoying after a while though, I guess I don't like people enough to tolerate it. I like a select few and the rest annoy the s*** out of me.

You're probably right, I guess you have to have that kind of magnetic charm to start a cult? Probably some psychosis too though, cult leaders always seem to really believe whatever weird apocalyptic crap they're convincing their followers of.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by DBTDiva

Haha, I'd ask if you were her except I know she'd never be on a psychology message board! It's interesting to know that it happens with other people too. People don't believe me when I describe it to them, but people we worked with back when we met called her "the lesbian whisperer" because straight women who had never ever been attracted to a woman before all wanted to date her. It seems like it would get annoying after a while though, I guess I don't like people enough to tolerate it. I like a select few and the rest annoy the s*** out of me.

You're probably right, I guess you have to have that kind of magnetic charm to start a cult? Probably some psychosis too though, cult leaders always seem to really believe whatever weird apocalyptic crap they're convincing their followers of.

Yeah people talk about how I have this effect on them and that I seem to influence them somehow and everyone thinks it's crazy until they run across me and see it for themselves because it of course ends up happening to them too!

I like being admired so I don't grow tired of it.

As far as psychosis goes, well I do have schizophrenia so I've got all the right ingredients for the next infamous cult leader! I'm kidding lol I don't have the attention span to run a cult... Damn you, ADHD.

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

Yeah people talk about how I have this effect on them and that I seem to influence them somehow and everyone thinks it's crazy until they run across me and see it for themselves because it of course ends up happening to them too!

I like being admired so I don't grow tired of it.

As far as psychosis goes, well I do have schizophrenia so I've got all the right ingredients for the next infamous cult leader! I'm kidding lol I don't have the attention span to run a cult... Damn you, ADHD.

Well, generally the life of a cult leader isn't an enviable one. David Miscaviage seems to do ok with it but he doesn't actually believe that stuff like L. Ron did. It didn't end so great for L Ron either! Hopefully no one on this thread is a Scientologist or I've greatly offended them.