New posts, new faces. New people just looking to fit in.

Thanks for asking.

I do not have a social environment in which I believe that other people will consider my opinion as valid as a socially-approved expert. This forum comes close sometimes. It may still be that I can't consider the possibility that my opinion may be considered valid and may at times still not know what I think myself until I read it in what an "expert" has written. I don't believe everything I read (of course!) and I wasn't really conscious of doing this, but it looks like I may pick experts whose views I can adopt as something I value, or which I find interesting to think about. The extrapolations that I make from the experts' view I pretty much keep to myself for what may be a variety of reasons, I'm not sure entirely sure about. I'll think about that. Thanks.

In this case, what I think, which may be interesting to narcissists, is that the "remnants" Kohut talked about are my disowned parts -- which I'm trying to own. That means that I can be just as jerky and grandiose as any narcissist when I'm in those states. And, yes, which I hadn't entirely realized, those states are more "in touch" with my autonomous creativity than my "normal" "good girl" personality -- although the last had definitely fallen apart in recent years. And, I'm not sure I want or can build a new self entirely on those remnants.

There is no help that I have found in therapists that I have seen. And going to New York or somewhere to take a chance on another therapist just doesn't seem reasonable. I've read experts to find out what I think I need but, of course, that's changed some over the years.

True self/false self? I think the "Self" is made up of parts, like a kaleidoscope, the coherence of which can be damaged. Maybe for some it's not very together to begin with. There are survival motive parts and socially loving parts and a bunch of other stuff probably. And they can get fractured. Or maybe some folks are born with the parts not very able to get coherent or some parts are missing, etc. So the True Self has both or all. But how all that influences action and/or personality -- I haven't a clue.

Thanks. Sounds interesting. It would be nice to read from perspective of someone diagnosed with NPD. I believe I'll jump on the band wagon as well. Reserved hard back copy please

It was pretty simple of me but, you're welcome.

I'm not a "socially-approved expert", and yet you see my opinions as valid. What is the difference between someone like me and yourself?

Why don't you consider your opinions valid?

This also reminds me of Carl Jung's idea of the "shadow" self or whatever the exact terminology is.

Why disown parts of ourselves? ****, everyone does it because society sucks(yet we are society, I'm still trying to process that **** lol!)

You can build a sense of self out of whatever the **** you want. Seriously, who's going to stop you? Only you have that power.

Therapy has proven worse than useless for me personally.

Personal paragraph about therapy experiences below:

They say they don't like labels only when it comes to personality disorder problems. Other than that? They love labels to the point of writing off your humanity to whatever illness they believe you have. For me, that label was schizophrenia. Literally everything about my Self was written off as being a part of that mental illness. I could never have a thought that didn't come from my schizophrenia, according to these therapists. It's ****ing stupid.

My Self is fractured. I don't like talking about it, but there are several distinct parts of my Self that are totally disconnected from the waking "me". I look back at some things I've posted here and I know that yes, I wrote them... but it was clearly a different part of my fractured Self that wrote it. Some professionals have thought it to be dissociative identity disorder but I'm not too keen to associate myself with that label.

Gah... I think another thread is required if this discussion is to continue.

OK, I'll start one on a topic I've been thinking about. See where that goes.

I'm not sure if that was directed at me. I'm not challenging anyone. I'm stating the facts. I'm not proud of my tendency towards narcissism , nor can I claim responsibility for creating my intelligence. I'm still working in therapy on my ability to listen to others who are not mentally gifted.

Also this forum is to support people who suffer from NPD traits or the full blown disorder not to make fun of other people . Some of us want to get better.

I made a typo and can not edit my post right now, so if you're going to use that as a platform with which to mock me, I've already anticipated that.

Seems like someone with too much intelligence mind is playing tricks. I wasn't going to mock you and I did not write anything to do with you other than "someone" blocked me. Not even sure why I am entertaining this at the moment but I suppose because I care.... My empathy once again has taken control and forced me to acknowledge you. And you think only some of you come here to get better. SMH!! Your welcome for The Underground speaking directly to you. As so many others I do know that this makes someone feel special. See i'm not a monster, I know when someone needs a pick me up and today is your day. I, I, I, I, I am magnificent. See starting a sentence with I isn't that bad. Once again helping in the cause to rainbows and butterflies.
Lots of Love,
Mr. Underground

Just so you know, a real narcissist, as in my father, would mock you for making a grammatical mistake, so right there your stuffing is showing.
I hope that you are playing a game and this is not how you really are. I think you are making a caricature of narcissism, however as I am not a professional I do not know.
I do not need your empathy.
However the people that think being narcissistic is a good thing do need your empathy.
Btw, I never ever thought of you as a monster, you are far too obvious. The real monsters do one thing privately and another thing publicly. I've been beat around far too much in real life by real monsters to have my feelings hurt by an anonymous stranger on line.
I know some other people in this forum think that emotionally sensitive people are weaker or prone to getting their feelings hurt. That's not how it works.

I believe that narcissistic tendencies, in context, can be helpful to our lives and, in fact, are necessary. That's why we have them, I believe.

To me, the key is recognizing when they are helpful/necessary/etc. and when they are not. And in integrating those tendencies with the rest of ourself.

As an aside about "Never start a sentence with I" -- this was "common knowledge" taught to me as a child -- and if some old guy (probably my age) said that he was probably just repeating what he had been told. It's very sad that it hurt you, perhaps because your last interaction with your mother was still so painful?

I don't think emotionally sensitive people are weaker somehow. Not inherently. I never consider someone "weak" just for being who they are.

I would normally disagree that emotionally sensitive people aren't more prone to being hurt more easily than say an emotionally shallow person. However, I believe this wasn't the exact way you meant it. But then again my understanding is slightly skewed. Regardless, I agree with you that the emotionally sentive aren't weaker at all.

Thank you atypical, glad you are not prejudiced!

I've been put down for being emotionally sensitive and told I have a personality disorder. I don't. I appreciate your reasonableness!

Nope, because this father figure and I have a long history together. My mother never told me that. I do appreciate you reading and thinking through things with me. Perhaps when I can post freely I will start a thread on my problem and I hope you will participate !

I understand more than you know. You're welcome. I hope your afternoon is going well!

I believe you, as you know my personality is complex, I have both sides of the coin in my psyche. I do want to disown my narcissistic parts because they cause me so much trouble but I can't, they are still a part of me today. In order to disown them I will have to listen to most of the population and I'm not sure I'm willing to do that yet. I guess this will really be the litmus test of whether or not someone can overcome narcissism. Maybe the question is how bad does it have to hurt before you give up? Or how great do the consequences have to be before you change.
I will keep plowing through this forum, as painful as it is, I can see my work here is not done yet.

Yeah I can understand that, they say I've got a PD , they're wrong about that too.

I had a PD, but it was treated, I've got behaviors that look PD on the surface, but they are not at the root, of course I would know that, they wouldn't.

lol Of course not.

I think we have to be careful on this thread not to empower abusers. The point of this thread, and this forum, is for people with NPD or NPD traits to support each other. If that is not what we are doing in this forum then we need to move to a more appropriate forum.

Well hello again. I am most comfortable being numb. Having the dark surround me and the thoughts that run through my mind is when I am feeling at most ease. I know this probably sounds strange but the truth is not all are equipped to see this. To live everyday by a world that expects you to be what someone else wants just isn't me. I was born to be this way and I am ok with it. As a matter of fact I except what it is and why is just a reason for someone else to come up with. Basing your needs/goals because it's the right thing to do, or at least this is what were made to believe. My arms are open wide for feelings that most wouldn't like to have. It's when I am most me. Dropping facts here not a case study so many like to write about.
Your welcome,
The Undergound

I definitely get it and understand, even though my numbness may be somewhat different. Maybe you are correct, not all are equipped to see this. So if I can love myself, even when others can't . . .ugh, so hard!!

While I agree that empowering abusers isn't a good idea I'm not quite sure why you posted this? I don't mean any offense, seriously I think I might have missed something.

Speaking just from my personal experiences:

It has to hurt really damn bad. Like, pain that's so far past your endurance that you snap. That's what happened to me, anyways.

The consequences were the reasons why I wound up in so much pain. It all hit a crescendo this year, and I had to say, "I'm done. No more."